


Yesterday was you.

by offgunpointe



Category: Babiis, offgun
Genre: Death, M/M, slight angst, supernatural gift
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:21:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 86,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25126921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/offgunpointe/pseuds/offgunpointe
Summary: Gun Atthaphan Phunsawat, a college student majoring in Film, has a gift of seeing the exact date and time of when people will die. Will he be able to stop himself from loving Off Jumpol Adulkittiporn who only has 82 days, 3 hours and 45 minutes left to live.
Relationships: Off Jumpol Adulkittiporn/Gun Atthaphan Phunsawat
Comments: 97
Kudos: 274





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first time writing in here so this journey would probably require some patience from both of our ends. :) (Please excuse some grammatical errors if you happen to encounter one)

Three heartbeats later. 

He was sure, he counted those dragging seconds as accurately as he can. 

He can feel his sweaty palms and his nerves getting riled up as he tries not to look at the people around him.

 _'This will soon pass like it always did for the past years'_ He thought trying to calm himself.

Gun hates when moments like this pass by, even though he has been experiencing this since the day he turned eleven he can still feel the panic creeping inside of him once he's in this zone. That is why since he was younger, he learned how to block the whole world using the loud music from his headphones and his method of avoiding eye contact. He made his way towards the gates of the university he was currently enrolled in while looking at the ground the whole time, He squeezed through the crowds of people trying to make it to their classes on time. It would have been easier for him to get to his destination if only he's not trying to not look up. 

Gun didn't want this, he was nowhere near into being grateful that he has this ability. He always sees it as cheating, like he has this answer key to the test of life and he can't do anything but look at it directly.

Some things really are better left unknown.

He doesn't know where it was from, how it happened, and why him out of all the people but one thing's for sure it's not from the heavens above because the deities wouldn't want him suffering like this, right? Or has he done something so awful from his past life that pissed off the gods to torture him like this. He even hates the fact that some people may even call it a "gift". He couldn't help but scoff at that idea. 

_'Feels more like a curse than a gift.'_

He went towards the room where his Contemporary Film Appreciation class is, still avoiding contact from anyone. He sat at one of the chairs at the right corner near the end of the classroom. He bent his body, putting his head down on the desk. A couple of minutes slowly passed as he felt someone sit beside him. He knows it's New judging by how it wasn't saying anything. They have been friends ever since they can remember and New knows what not to do in situation where Gun has his head down, hood up, and headphones on. 

Usually Gun would be in this zone for not more than fifteen minutes and New knows exactly where Gun's mind is and what kind of burden this "gift" is bringing to his friend's life. New waited quietly until Gun lifted his head, sweating torridly from having his hood up and his head down his desk.

The numbers above people's heads are gone once Gun decided to lift his head and take off his headphones. He sighed as they still have three minutes before their professor arrives. New on the other hand went on with another topic about their class attempting to clear the air and somehow make Gun feel better. 

Gun couldn't be more grateful to have New as his friend because New never once saw his ability as a gift. It wasn't hard for Gun to explain his condition to New and New understand it without much of a second thought. New completely understands the pain it brings when Gun couldn't help but blame himself for the things he can't control. 

'I'm so glad we're done with silent films. Look, I'm sorry but I just can't enjoy the things that I can't fucking hear' New went on with his silent film rant to divert Gun's attention. Gun took this as an opportunity to empty his head from the problem he was encountering earlier. 

'I guess to each is own, I find it quite lovely if you ask me.' Gun said shrugging at his best friend.

'Only New wouldn't like silent films, because liking it requires taste.' They both look at the direction of the voice. Gun wasn't surprise to see Tay sitting in front, looking back at them. New immediately scowls the moment he heard Tay intervene, they were never really fond of each other since the day Tay transferred to their school. 

'Well I'm sorry that I'm expecting great audio to enjoy a fucking movie' New rolled his eyes at Tay. 

Gun slowly drifted out of their banter, he knew it wouldn't end soon and it wouldn't end pretty either with these two. He looks outside the window besides his desk. His mind wandered to the tension between New and Tay. Gun could read New easily after knowing the lad for half his life and he knows for sure that his best friend is whipped for this guy sitting in front of them but he decided to respect New's decision on not telling anyone, even him, just yet. Plus, New just came out not too long ago so it must not have been easy for him to maneuver his way with this change. 

He sighed looking back at the two still arguing before their professor made her way in their classroom, the three of them along with everyone in class turn their attention towards the front of their classroom focusing on today's lesson. 

* * *

_**07\. 17. 2011** _

_**11:30 am** _

_Gun looked at his father smiling at him as they arrived at the beach. It's a school day and they both know his mom will freak out the moment she knew that his father was okay with him ditching class and going to the beach._

_'Happy Birthday Pumpkin.' His father said patting his head when they sat down on damp sand near the shore, not caring about their clothing getting wet. Gun smiled showing his dimples, it's his eleventh birthday and he's so excited to spend it here with his dad on the beach instead of being somewhere else. He knows his dad doesn't want him skipping school for no reason and he appreciates him bringing him here once he informed him that they would only have a few classes for today because of the teacher's seminar later this afternoon._

_'Mom would definitely freak out.' Gun chuckled while his dad offered him some snacks they bought on the way here._

_'She would definitely fry our asses once we get home, but it's your birthday and I'm pretty sure she will understand but not only after whooping us. She's probably starting to turn red right now waiting for us on our front porch.' They both laugh, looking at the vast ocean right in front of them._

_There are not many people hanging around here considering that it's a Monday and people are probably busy with their lives but his dad was always like this. Willing to ditch everything for his family, even his work. Gun never once heard his dad say that he's too busy or that he has work to do._

_'No amount of work would be more important than being with you.' He remembers his dad saying once. He has always been spontaneous and kind. He taught Gun how to enjoy the little things life has got to offer._

_Gun sighed contently as the wave's crashes at the shore gently. The beach would probably be one of his favorite places to be. The sound and smell of it calms him and the feeling of the sand burying his little toes brings excitement and thrill._

_'You know,' His dad started, Gun turns his attention back to his dad._

_'It's the small things, the free and little moments like this, makes life worth living son.' He said looking down at his eleven year old son._

_'Mom would always say that education and my future is the most important thing' Gun says innocently looking down at his legs spread towards the sea._

_'Yeah that too, but when you grow up, you'll learn that we should treat each moment of life as a gift even when sometimes everything feels like a pain in the ass.'_

_Gun laugh once again at his father's choice of words, if his mom was here, she'll probably say 'Language! You wouldn't want your son mimicking you now, right?' or something along with those lines._

_Gun loves his mom even though sometimes she can get a little uptight and serious and he's always at awe at how much he can see and feel how his parents love each other along with him and his sister. His dad would often say that he's too young to know what love is, but Gun thinks he could kind off grasp the idea by observing the both of them._

_A few hours have passed with them just enjoying each other's presence, saying jokes once in a while, and eating more snacks._

_'We should probably go." His dad said standing up reaching out to help him._

_A moment of confusion visited Gun as he saw numbers on top of his Father's head._

_'Huh' he thought to himself, looking intently at it. He squints at those numbers not knowing what it meant._

**2\. 45.**

_'Dad what's those numbers on top of your head?' He asked curiously as three minutes has passed and the numbers are still clear as the day. His dad looked at him confused before dismissing an inner thought._

_'It's probably nothing, now come on, before your mom turns red permanently.' he shrugged urging Gun to go back inside the car._

_Gun complied shrugging the topic away._

_Maybe he's just too young to understand._

* * *

'Gun?'

New tapped his shoulder making him blink twice.

'Huh' Gun replied looking around, he must have spaced out again a few moments after receiving his food. The cafeteria is now full of rowdy college kids trying to grab some food before heading back to their classes. Chit chats fill the room making him snap back into reality. 

'So, are you down? or should we reconsider?' Gun have no idea on what New was talking about so he decided to ask him again. Slightly feeling embarrassed for his random spacing out moments. New is now probably used to it but he just can't help but be sorry for the times that he makes the latter repeat what he was saying. 

'I'm sorry what was it again?' He asked scratching the back of his head.

'For the requirement we have to do for our CFA (A/N: Contemporary Film Appreciation) Tay said he wants us to be his group mates, are you okay with that?' New asked, his cheeks slightly turning pink. Gun almost laugh at how New was so obvious with this crush of his, but he concealed himself not wanting to rush New into admitting anything. 

'Aren't I supposed to be the one asking you that?' Gun raised his eyebrows at New who was now picking at his food. 

'Well...' New trailed hoping Gun wouldn't notice his unrequited feelings for the man of topic.

'He said he could help us with the editing and he said he knows a guy who can be our talent' New added

'Okay then, if it's okay with you, then I'm down. But are you sure you're down with that?' Gun smirked giving in to the opportunity to tease New. New nodded at the former before eating a spoonful of his lunch. 

'Who was this talent anyway? Is he in our class?' Gun asked randomly just to fill the air. 

'I don't think so' New shook his head before continuing 'Tay says it's his friend from his former school, I just can't seem to remember that name he said.' 

Gun nodded going back to his food. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (TW: Heavy family issues, alcoholism, gambling, death)

~~**82 days** ~~

Gun went home after all his classes but he almost head back out when he saw a bunch of sandals on their front porch. He groaned taking off his own shoes and making his way towards their living room where he assumed their visitors are currently crowding at. He tried to not make any noises as he swiftly makes it into the stairs to his own room. The only space in this house where he can breathe, but now thinking about it, maybe just a little. Nowhere in the vicinity makes him feel safe at all. Not after the incident. He tried so hardly to convince his mom to let him stay at the university dorms but she wouldn't budge and sometimes she's even too drunk to comprehend what he's saying.

'Gun, you're back! Come and greet your aunties' 

Gun stopped dead on his track as he heard his mother call his name or at least try to, she's too drunk to form coherent sentences. He took a deep breath before going back to the entrance of their living room. He can smell the fumes of cigarettes coming out of the room even before he takes a step into it. The first thing that you would notice were the cards laying on the table alongside with empty bottles of alcohol. He sighed trying to gently roll some empty bottles laying by his feet. He bent down when it keeps on rolling back, putting it in a upright position on the corner of the room. 

He bowed at her mother and her friends once he got close to them. There are five of them this time laughing and talking to each other, too loud for Gun's liking, or for anyone's liking at that.

'What a handsome child you have.' One of the ladies said while pointing at him. His mother would have people over their house like this every night urging Gun to stroll around the city first before going home, but today he just couldn't do it, he's too tired to roam around. 

'He looks so much like his Father.' Another one commented making Gun froze on his spot. He knows that's not going to add well on his mother's drunken state. Gun looked up at his mom who has already been looking at him. 

'I don't see it.' his mother slurred, shrugging. Gun felt a pang on his chest as he heard her say those words. He can almost hear the frustration on her voice. 

The drastic change in her appearance is one of the indications of what has been happening for over nine years now. Her eyes are droopy from all the alcohol she keeps on consuming over the years, she doesn't bother to look decent anymore as everyday just keeps on repeating itself. After that day, his mother could not look him straight in the eyes. Ever since then, Gun felt everything changing. His mother started drinking and at first, they would only see her drinking once a month but then things got worse and now, she's in this state every night. The mother he once knew, the one who won't curse in front of her children and the one so prim and proper is now just a distant memory of his.

He tried to clear up some of the empty bottles to somehow lessen the danger it may cause to the intoxicated people when his mother and her guests started betting their money for a round of poker.

He went upstairs as soon they don't seem to give a damn about his presence anymore. He knocked on his sister's room before going straight to his. He would often knock to let her know that he's back home. 

He could still hear the loud laughter of the people in their living room as he laid on his bed not bothering to change his clothes. He feels sick that this is their life now.

 _' ~~Maybe if i could have just stopped it’.~~ he_ caught himself thinking to himself once again before completely closing his eyes.

* * *

'Gun we told you, It's okay.' 

Gun avoided eye contact, looking at the coffee in between his hands. His sister, Jane, urge him to visit their Auntie Ladda early this morning after she heard the news of their Aunt possibly being laid-off off work. After their mother spiraled into alcoholism and Gambling their Auntie Ladda and her husband Pom took all the responsibility into supporting the siblings financially. Gun doesn't feel comfortable with having other people be responsible for him and his sister but he was always grateful for the help that they have been getting. 

'I'm sorry I haven't heard back from the part time job yet.' Gun said, guilt filled his emotions. He knows that his Aunt and Uncle has a lot more things to think about and him and his sister just added more burden into their cart.

'Kiddo, it's fine, we're fine. How many times should we convince you that we want to help and it's not a big deal anyway?' his uncle Pom ruffled his hair sitting on a stool besides him

'And plus, me being laid off of work was just a false alarm, so don't worry about it.' His Auntie Ladda added sipping on her cup of coffee. 

'But you already have a lot of things to worry about, I think five years of supporting us is too much already' Gun insisted shaking his head. 

Gun thinks it's unfair for his Aunt to carry the weight of people she shouldn't even worry about. He is well aware that his aunt and uncle doesn't earn much, they have the most mundane jobs and like other people they have bills they have to worry about. He couldn't help but think that this is all his fault, ~~maybe if he didn't skip school that day.~~ ~~Maybe if he just knew what the numbers on top of his father's head meant.~~

'Stop that' His Aunt said looking directly at him before continuing 'I know that look, that's the look you have when you get into the zone of blaming yourself, don't even try to hide it' 

His uncle Pom lets out a breath besides him.

'It's not your fault Gun, you have no control over that situation and plus you were too young to even comprehend what was happening.' Pom said putting his hand on Gun's left shoulder. 

A moment passes by between them not saying a word before his aunt decided to break the silence.

'My brother wanted to take you there, you know how he's like. No one can stop him into doing the things he likes doing' she shrugs taking a loaf of bread before setting it down on a counter in front of Gun, urging him to have some. 'He made a choice, it's his personal choice' she continued whispering. Almost like convincing herself more than anyone.

'That man was my best friend, hell, he still is my best friend. For most of my life I have known almost everything about him and I know that he doesn't want you guys going astray.' Pom said taking a piece of bread before spreading peanut butter on it. 

Gun didn't reply, he doesn't have the courage to choke out words of gratitude. Even if he's grateful beyond belief he doesn't have it inside him to look at them in the eyes and thank them, because he still thinks that he doesn't deserve them. His Aunt Ladda was his father's twin sister while her husband Pom was his best friend. He couldn't imagine how hard it is for them to lose someone as close to their hearts as him. 

'And let's have a little more patience and faith on your mother. I know that deep down she's still there, trying.' Ladda said before they completely dropped the topic at hand. 

* * *

Gun decided to go to his university eventhough it's more than twenty-five minutes early before his classes starts. He just doesn't want to get back to their house and see his mom passed out on the couch. He took a deep breath, options to help with their finances still on his mind. Maybe he could take a job on the convenient store five minutes away from the university, or maybe he should try applying at a fast food chain nearby. It probably won't be easy but it's worth the try. 

Gun was preoccupied with his thoughts when sudden numbers appear on top of the head of the people passing by him. He looked towards the ground immediately not paying much attention towards it. He doesn't want to retain any information he would see. He doesn't want to carry the burden of knowing what was supposed to be unknown.

If he can't do anything to stop it from happening, then what's good in knowing?

 _'The universe must have been mad at me for cheating my way with life'_ he thought before feeling a push on his left side making him stumble a little bit. He couldn't help but look at the boy who accidentally collided with him. 

The boy is undeniably taller than Gun, his hair was messy and his forehead forming sweats dripping down his face. He was probably rushing to get to somewhere, maybe his class? Gun could only guess. 

He was catching his breath, panting. 

'Oops, sorry.' He said to Gun before he continued on his way, running when he got to a less crowded area. 

There was a lot to notice about the man, but there's only one thing Gun couldn't help but see and think about. 

**82\. 03. 45.**

That boy, looking young as the day, only has 82 days, 3 hours, and 45 minutes to live.

Gun couldn't help but feel sorry for the boy. 

_'He has no idea of how much time he has left.'_

Gun completely dismissed his thoughts about the boy, thinking that he's just one of the unfortunate random people he meets on a daily basis. He turned to a corner near the university, his mind immediately going back to his dilemma awhile back. 


	3. Chapter 3

~~**80 days** ~~

It's been almost five minutes and Gun is still staring at the man sitting in front of him. He looks too young to have his days numbered. Gun couldn't help but sigh at that thought making the three guys look at him. 

'What?' New asked pausing with what he was saying. Gun looks at the boy's curious eyes before answering.

'Nothing.' Gun shook his head, he can't seem to stop himself from looking back at his subject earlier. His eyes wander from Off's eyes, down to his nose, and later on his lips.

He looks too happy.

too alive.

too young.

Off must have felt the wandering eyes of Gun when he coughed up some awkward air. He noticed the shocked expression of the little guy earlier when Tay introduced them with each other but he decided not to ask anything because it is probably nothing since It has only been a couple of minutes since they have known each other but now he kind of feels like the other one really do have something to say to him. 

Tay asked New and Gun to go to the nearby cafe to officially meet his childhood friend, Off, who is also majoring in film. He thought that maybe it will be fun to make one more film with Off like they did when they were younger. Plus, Tay knows Off's talent when it comes to editing films. He knows that he can surely trust the guy and the guy's potential.

On the other corner of the table, Gun lets his brain be consumed of the day he first met this guy, Off, which was two days ago. 

It was so sudden that he didn't have the chance to divert his eyes from the numbers on top of Off's head.

**82\. 03. 45**

He remembers those numbers as clear as the day. Now, he's trying to recall if he really saw the numbers clearly, maybe he just made a mistake or maybe because it was so sudden he got it all mixed up, he tried convincing himself when he still couldn't believe that this guy, who's been laughing with Tay at this exact moment, only has eighty days to live his life to the fullest. Even with much trying Gun knows that he saw it accurately even if he tries to convince himself otherwise.

He feels sorry.

He knows that no one wants to feel pity from someone, especially when that someone is a person whom you just met a couple hours ago, but Gun could help it. It's hard being the only one who can see what the end is for some people. It makes you want to capture every moment for them.

This doesn't feel right, he didn't want to pry on Off's life like that, he didn't want to see Off as someone who's been running out of time, but he also wasn't aware at that time that he'll get to see this man ever again so this was all just a product of bad timing. 

He wonders what will be the cause of the tall boy's death, is it going to be an illness? an accident? Is he going to get murdered? The thought of it just keeps on pilling up and it makes his skin crawl but for some reason he couldn't avoid the thought. Thinking about someone like that while they're right in front of you alive and well is way beyond gruesome and weird. It makes his innards squirm. 

Off looked back at him, still feeling slightly uncomfortable with his stares but Gun could see him trying to give a curious smile. 

_'Poor him, he has no idea.'_ He caught himself thinking these words again, as he smiled back.

* * *

Rain poured on their front lawn right at the moment Off was taking his shoes off at the entrance of his house, he's glad he gets to avoid being in the rain. He hates getting drenched unplanned and getting his socks wet. He cringed just by thinking about it.

Off went home after meeting up with Tay and his block mates for the film Tay has been telling him about. He knows why Tay wanted to include him in their project, it may have been weird for other people to see Tay seeking help from someone outside their university when he could have just asked those near them or he could have just settled with both Gun and New. 

Tay always say that they get each other's visions because they are in the same wave lengths when it comes to what they want to do with the film that they are making. It has been years since the both of them aspired to be film makers and since then they have been inseparable. For the two of them it would have been weirder if Tay didn't ask him to join, and plus it has been months since their last project together so he guess in some way, Tay just missed working with him. 

The meeting was alright, aside from the stares he got from that small kid, Gun. Though, it's not as weird as it looks, it didn't make him as uncomfortable as he thought it would feel when someone would stare at him for longer than a minute. He even felt comfortable with it somehow, which is rare because he's Off Jumpol. The dude who's scared of intimacy that doesn't involve any sexual activities. 

He guesses because when he looks at Gun, he doesn't see any malice from him. He can't put his finger on what it felt though, making him wonder about this kid even more, maybe he'll get to know him better once they actually started to work on this project and maybe by then he could ask why the he was staring. He quickly buried that thought on the back of his mind when his dad called him from where he thinks is the kitchen. He followed his instincts and went straight into the kitchen after dropping his bag on the floor near the entrance of the room. 

The first thing that he noticed was his niece, Nirin, playing with legos on the kitchen floor. He bent down to say hi to her only to be hit by one of her legos in the eye, not so hard that he'll need to take a moment to re-adjust his vision. 

'You're a dangerous little girl.' He said picking her up and swaying her around making her laugh in his arms. Her little hand grips the sleeves of her uncle's uniform when he spun her around a couple more times. 

'Oh God, please set her down I'm the one getting dizzy just by watching you guys.' His mom said losing up her apron before sitting beside his dad on the stool near the kitchen counter. 

He sets Nirin down the counter right in front of his parents, she pouted as soon as she couldn't feel the arms of her uncle whooshing her into the air. The older ones laughed when Nirin randomly sticks her hand out to ask for some money from her uncle. Jumpol took his wallet from his back pocket and gave her a twenty. She took it without hesitations. 

'There goes our clever girl.' Jumpol's dad ruffled her hair and chuckled. Off will definitely remember to ask his sister to give him his money back once she gets here later this evening, of course when Nirin is not looking. He wants to be a great uncle but he's a broke college student so he needs to be wise with his money. Off looks at his dad making faces to Nirin, making him smile a little. His sister would often leave Nirin to their parents when she got something urgent, she has to do, and when she does, the whole house lights up. Nirin is his parents' source of entertainment these days and he's really glad that they get to have someone that will make them smile like this. 

'She really knows how to sort out her priorities, huh.' Off said sitting at one of the only available stools. Spreading his sore legs as he walked his way home from earlier. He stretches out his arms leaning back. His parents looked at him almost at the same time when they heard him yawn.

'Maybe you should take some rest, honey.' His mom commented. It didn't take much of convincing for him to take her advice since he can already feel the drowsiness crawling up to his system. He yawned once more before excusing himself to go to his room. 

He freshened up a bit before laying on his bed and staring at the ceiling. 

The past couple of days have been very tiring for him and he knows exactly why. Even though everyday has been really overwhelming he doesn't want to let time pass by him doing nothing in this life of his. Maybe that is one of the reasons he said yes to Tay's offer, the other reasons he's not entirely sure yet.

He closed his eyes letting the warm air embrace his figure as he drifts into a dreamless sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (TW: CONCEPT OF DEATH, INSANITY, MENTAL FACILITY)

~~**79 days** ~~

'But don't you think that's a little too conventional?' 

'Well its mainstream for a reason.' Gun argued.

Here they are sitting in New's condo, brainstorming about their concept. Gun is sitting on his favorite spot in the place, He likes to fit his small figure at the corner of the room whenever he comes and visits New while, the one he has been arguing with, Off is sitting by the window to his left. New's condo welcomed Gun with familiarity and warmth like it always does. Every corner of this room holds a memory of him and his best friend since they got into college. Fortunately for New his parents let him have his own space since freshmen year which he gladly shares with Gun whenever the latter needs it.

'But when we take the suspense route we could take it to another level of fiction, don't you think?' Off ask, looking around the people sitting in a circle. 

'I agree with that.' Arm said leaning back to the bean bag he has been sitting on these past few hours.

Since it is a huge project and they are in need of other people, New suggested having their other closest block mates to join them, which is why Arm and Mild are now sitting in this living room with them. Thankfully the two haven't form any groups yet. Gun kind of felt awkward earlier when they have to introduce Off with the other two. It feels wrong to seek help from other people before the people around them. Even though Arm and Mild doesn't seem to care that much it still makes Gun wonder why Tay would want to have Off working with them even though the guy is literally from another university. The thought quickly faded when he heard New spoke. 

'Gun, maybe this time we should try it.' New said before Gun squinted his eyes at him. He huffed some air out.

 _'You only wanted to try it because Tay wants it too.'_ Gun thought to himself before he surrenders to the idea. He has been arguing his point with Off for God knows how long now but the other party wouldn't budge and now that New decided to take Off's side Gun felt tired of arguing the matter, letting it go quickly. He just thought that maybe romantic comedy would appeal more to their audience. He rolls his eyes as he looks around and everyone seems to agree with the taller one. 

'Okay, fine, but can we please not make it solely about ghosts and shit.' He suggested, earning a couple of nods from the others.

'Yeah that's a little boring, if we're going to make this interesting, we should maybe take the psychological approach.' Mild said sipping on her can of red bull. Her legs on top of the center table, which New doesn't seem to take notice at all.

Gun almost smiled at how comfortable everyone looks right now, with him sitting on the floor at the corner of the room, Off also sitting on the floor at left corner with his legs stretch out in front of him. Mild with her unconventional sitting position, Arm enjoying the comfort of the bean bag he snatched from Mild, and Tay sitting next to New on the Sofa, which by the looks of it, New thoroughly enjoys. 

Gun reminds himself to ask New what has been going on with him and Tay because it has been days since he saw the two arguing like they always do. It's suspiciously quiet between the both of them and it's starting to scare Gun.

If someone walks in the room right now, they would probably assume that the group has been doing this for quite a while now, but in fact they have only been sitting like this for not more than one hour and forty five minutes. Gun likes this atmosphere, it's very homey and comfortable which they need to be able to create an output in a healthy environment. 

'So, Off what convinced you into agreeing into this, when it doesn't have anything to do with you? No offense tho.' Arm ask before sipping on his cup of coffee. Off looks down on his thigh, scratching the back of his neck before answering.

'None taken' Off chuckled before continuing, all eyes are on him. It looks like everyone also have the same question in mind. 

'I just, I don't know. I really love creating something, especially with Tay, and I just thought that maybe it would be fun since we haven't done this for a hot minute. Plus, my subjects this semester are all boring so might as well get my hands dirty.' Off explained before asking. 'How about you, why did you ask me?' The attention was passed towards the other guy sitting comfortably on the sofa. 

Tay shrugged his shoulder, 'Same thing, I thought it would be fun and Off is a beast when it comes to editing so I think he's going to be a great addition.' He said nonchalantly.

Everyone seems so calm and collected with this topic on hand which Off really appreciates, they all seems like cool people and he's really excited to work with them. His eyes landed on the little guy fitting exactly at the nook of the right corner of the room. He tried so hard not to laugh at how Gun looks so cute hunched over that little corner besides him. He looks like a child on a rainy day waiting for the pouring to stop so he could play with his friends outside.

After feeling someone looking at him, Gun looks around to find Off looking gently at him. Gun ignores it and went to look back at the people discussing Off's achievements over the years. They all learned that the latest film Off got his hands on, won three consecutive awards from outside the university he was in. 

Gun acknowledges the information about Off that Tay was enthusiastically telling them, and it made him think that maybe the only one not a hundred percent comfortable with having Off in this team, is him. He doesn't exactly know why is that, but he's sure that it has something to do with knowing that man's time of death. 

He just can't seem to avoid not taking every word that came from Off's lips out of context. Like when the man talks about something related to life, he can't avoid thinking fondly of it or when Off suggested making their film in a more suspense track, Gun tried to protest because he just doesn't know if he can handle making a film about the dead with a guy who only has less than 3 months left. 

'Anyone else wants to refill their coffee like me?' Arm ask standing up with his empty mug, disrupting Gun's train of thoughts.

'Me, me, me, me.' New said repeatedly before standing up after Arm, two mugs in his hand. Gun internally groaned at how evident New's admiration to Tay is. 

_'Could he be more obvious?'_

'Ah finally the chair is mine.' Mild exclaimed sitting at the bean bag that has been snatched from her by arm. Arm groaned going back to stand over her.

'Seriously?' Arm raise his eyebrows at Mild who looks really comfortable with her newly established position and dominance over the chair. Tay chuckled at the sight of the both of them arguing like little children over a chair, before going after New who is now at the kitchen counter refilling their coffee. 

'This, my friend, is what you call strategic timing.' Mild boasted cockily crossing her arms over her chest. 

'Just hope that you won't need to pee and leave that chair later.' Arm warned going back to his agenda. Mild scoffed at him taking out her phone before scrolling through it completely ignoring Arm's protest.

Gun's thoughts were in somewhere else when a hand was suddenly stretch in front of him, reaching for his mug. He looks up at Off to see its curious glance. 

'Do you want a refill?' Off asked him. 

'Off don't bother.' New said getting back on his seat. 'That thing in Gun's mug is not coffee, that's chocolate milk. He likes to put it in a mug to feel like he belongs.' New jokingly rolled his eyes.

Off raised an eyebrow at Gun as if asking if what New said was true. Gun nodded his head thinking that this information about him is as irrelevant as a dead leaf on the side of the street. It is not worth sharing at all. 

'I don't like coffee.' Gun simply stated when Off continued looking at him.

'Huh' Off whispered to himself loud enough to let Gun hear it too. He went on his way to refill his cup of coffee with the small information of Gun in the back of his mind. 

* * *

**The OUTCAST**

**(FIRST DRAFT)**

**Film By:**

**Tay Tawan Vihokratana**

**New Thitipoom Techaapaikhun**

**Arm Weerayut Chansook**

**Mild, Lapassalan Jiravechsoontornkul**

**Gun Atthaphan Phunsawat**

**Off Jumpol Adulkittiporn**

**INT. GMEM ASYLUM. THREE AM.** ****

_Nanon pants as he tries to move his arms that are now trapped inside of a strait jacket. He tried to recall the things he made that got him here, but to no luck he couldn't remember anything else besides tonight. The florescent light flickers as he tried so hardly to move his body. The white walls look suspiciously clean, it almost seems like it has just been dried with new coats of white paint._

_The place is eerily quiet. You could hear a distant drop of water from outside the isolation room making Nanon's pulse pulsate faster. He could almost hear his own breathing and his heartbeat is now caught in his throat._

_A faint scream from outside the corridor surprised him, making him stop trying to get out of the jacket that has been restricting his movements._

~~_He's not alone_ ~~

_A small tap from the other side of the room caught his attention. It is immediately followed by another one, and another one, until it progressed louder and more urgent. Nanon struggled to move his upper body towards the wall but he manage to get to it before the tapping became violent._

_The walls are paper thin. He swears he could hear someone breathing from the other side of the room. Though he's not sure if he's processing things accurately but he is sure that he is still sane._

~~_He is still in control of his thoughts._ ~~

~~_He doesn't deserve to be here._ ~~

**_Nanon_ **

_Hello?_

_Unsure whether to trust the guy on the other room he still took his chance. Maybe he's just like him. Confused and wrongly accused._

**_Chimon_ **

_Is.. Is... Someone there?_

_Nanon pressed his ear harder to the wall as he tries to listen to the other guy better. The wall feels cold and stale towards his ear making him flinch for a bit._

**_Nanon_ **

_Yes, I'm here. Where are we?_

_The other guy took a couple of second before responding, making Nanon think that maybe his mind is just making things up._

~~_Maybe he is losing it._ ~~

**_Nanon_ **

_H-hello?_

**_Chimon_ **

_We need to get out of here before they come back._

_The guy from the other side of the wall whispered loud enough so that the two of them will hear. Nanon doesn't know whether to believe this guy or not. He is completely lost to what the other guy is saying._

~~_He doesn't understand_ ~~

**_Nanon_ **

_They? Who are they? and why are we here?_

_Nanon couldn't help himself but ask more questions. He couldn't stand being this clueless over a situation. There's a small window on the other side of the room. A little too high to reach but he makes sure to remind himself to try and check it out later._

**_Chimon_ **

_We need to get out of here before they come back._

_The man from the other side repeated, making Nanon step a couple meters away from the wall._

~~_He is not like me._ ~~

**_Chimon_ **

_We need to get out of here before they come back. We need to get out of here before they come back. We need to get out of here before they come back. We need to get out of here before they come back. We need to get out of here before they come back. We need to get out of here before they come back. We need to get out of here before they come back. We need to get out of here before they come back. We need to get out of here before they come back. We need to get out of here before they come back. We need to get out of here before they come back. We need to get out of here before they come back. We need to get out of here before they come back. We need to get out of here before they come back._

_Nanon feels his skin scrawl as the other guy keeps on repeating what he's saying but each time even louder than before. He wants to cover his ears but he still couldn't move his arms that are still restricted from the jacket._

_Nanon hears the door behind him squeak, indicating it being open._

_He can feel the sweat on his forehead and his insides turn._

_He turns around-_

* * *

Gun took off his glasses, sighing as he closes his laptop. He tried writing the first part of their film as soon as he got back home from earlier, He just wanted to test the waters first before completely diving in. He took notes with their meeting earlier so that as the screenwriter he wouldn't get lost with their collaborative ideas. This is not his first time writing in this genre but it truly is not his favorite thing to do. On the other hand, the challenge gave him thrill and makes him think that it's good to expand his creativity while he's at it. Somehow this is giving him the chance to show versatility which may come in handy once he started working. 

After an hour or two of trying to come up with the right words to write he grabs his shoes, putting them on, before heading down stairs. Maybe a quick breath of fresh air would help him stimulate his brain cells. On the way out, he could still hear his mom slurring some words to someone he couldn't care less about. 

Gun thought that she should have just agreed to let him stay at the dorms or even an apartment if she wouldn't even care a tiny bit about his state, but maybe he would not be completely happy with that outcome when he remembers that he has to leave his sister behind. He doesn't trust his mother's drunk phase to look out for her in these times. 

The sound of cars passing by occupied his thoughts while he makes his way towards his favorite spot to go to. It took him about a couple of minutes before he arrived to an open mini park overlooking the city lights. There are abandoned pillars that he always sits on while looking at the glint of light the city holds. The faint sound of traffic fills the air when someone clears their throat behind him. He doesn't want to look back at first as he remembers the scene he was writing earlier, turning him this paranoid. The fear vanishes when he heard the man speak.

'What are you doing here?' 

Gun recognizes the voice, thinking that it is now safe to look back. Off was standing there still wearing the same clothes he wore earlier with his hands on his pocket. 

'God, you almost gave me a heart attack.' Gun rolled his eyes at the man now in front of him. Off raised his eyebrows suggesting that he hasn't answered his question yet making Gun release a breath before answering.

'Well I just wanted to breathe some fresh air.' He explained going back to his sitting position earlier. Off followed, sitting beside him, too close to his liking as he could feel Off's elbow softly grazing his. 

'Polluted city air is what you call fresh air?' Off asked amusement coating his voice. 

'Well I don't know anywhere else.' Gun looks down at his feet. He doesn't know why Off decided to stay here with him but he lets him anyway.

 ~~Something about Off brings comfort~~ and Gun is having a hard time not acknowledging it. The warm air of Thailand enveloping their lack of words. Gun took a deep breath, releasing it moments after.

Off heard it making him look at the shorter man besides him. He stood up making Gun glance up at him. Off tilted his head before continuing, 

'Come on, I'll show you something.'


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (TW: DEATH, TOUCHING WITHOUT CONSENT, INSANITY, MENTAL FACILITY)

'Seriously?' Gun laughed when they reached their destination Off said he'll show him. The night breeze hang in between them as they walk.

It almost took them twenty minutes walking from his favorite spot to here, but Gun doesn't seem to mind. The farther it is to their house, the better. The moonlight reflected to the stones laying on the grass in front of them. He didn't expect this from Off, but then he didn't expect Off bringing him somewhere either. These are all very out of the blue but it weirdly feels calm. 

Almost peaceful.

They have been having small talks whenever they meet but they are not in that level of friendship yet so it makes him wonder what is going inside this man's head right now, hanging out with him so spontaneously. 

'What? It's peaceful.' Off answered, lowering his head on a wire blocking his way urging gun to do the same, but the latter didn't have to lower his body for he fits exactly under it. Off chuckled seeing Gun walking straight under the cord he has been trying to avoid since he first got to this place.

Names of strangers who no longer walk this Earth welcomed them as they step their foot on to the Chinese graveyard near their neighborhood. Gun didn't know what to feel about this, being in a graveyard with Off at nine in the evening would be one of the things he wouldn't expect he'll ever do. Not in a million years, but here he is following the taller man as they walk past tombs with names written on a language they couldn't understand or he couldn't understand.

Does Off know how to read Chinese?

Gun still has a lot of things he doesn't know about the man in front of him, but one thing he figured out this early into knowing Off is that,

He's a very peculiar man. 

Off stomps his feet as they arrived to his usual spot, kind of notifying Gun that they have arrived. It is a patch of land a few rows of tombs away from where they came from, one of the few which are yet to be occupied. He sat at it looking back at Gun. 

'What?' He asked again as he saw Gun looking at him. Gun sighed sitting next to him, they both look at the night sky for a moment before Gun broke the silence. 

'You're a weird man, aren't you?' Gun whispered, having no need to say it out loud since it looks like they are the only ones in here. Gun is having a hard time reading how the other man thinks, he seems really complex for a kind and gentle man. Gun looks away, trying really hard to ignore the fact that everything about this guy seems to point him back towards death.

Sometimes it feels disrespectful only thinking of the taller man that way.

It feels uncalled for. 

'Nah, I just find comfort with the thought that no one in here had the chance to know me as who I am today.' Off laid on his back looking up the sky, Gun looking down at him. 

'Do you often go here?' Gun asked using his arms as support when he leaned back spreading his legs in front of him as if he's in the beach sunbathing. Off closed his eyes having his arms behind his head on the grass. 

'Yeah. You could say that.' He answered with little to nothing information to follow. Gun dropped the subject letting the subtle sound of the wind indulge the both of them. He wonders when was the first time Off went into this graveyard? does he know someone in here? Gun decided to keep his questions to himself focusing on anything other than the thought of the dead surrounding them. It surprises him that he's so calm during this time.

Gun hasn't visited a cemetery since his father's funeral. He refuses to remember that day as hard as he can ignore it. Tonight, is an exemption though he doesn't know why, but his mind is everywhere else except the death of his father. 

The questions he has for Off replaced the uncertainty and guilt he has been trying to overcome for almost nine years now.

A couple of minutes has passed and Gun was almost sure the man besides him was dozing off. He took this as an opportunity to really look at the man. Off's eyes are smaller than most of the Thai people, his skin is milky white, Gun could only guess that every color must suit him. His lips are in great color, alive and healthy. His eyelashes are longer than an average guy, and his eyebrows are full. Looking at Off this closely makes Gun conclude that the man is very handsome.

Gun doesn't know where he got this confidence to look and stare at the man laying besides him when he's not even entirely sure if Off was really drifting off. His hand unconsciously moves from above Off's face, gently touching the tip of his nose. Even Gun himself is surprise by his sudden actions.

Off opens his eyes looking intently at Gun but he doesn't say a word as Gun looks back at him. Gun's hand froze on top of Off's nose before he felt Off grab his wrist setting it down on the grass besides them. 

A minute or two has passed before Off sat up clearing his throat. 

'We should probably head back.' He said standing up walking back to where they came from and not looking back, Gun following closely behind him. 

* * *

Off is quite unsure on what happened, he was just supposed to buy some extra shoelaces when he saw Gun on his way back home. He took a detour because he felt like walking an extra mile to think when he unexpectedly saw the little one sitting alone behind the Mart he went to. Everything went by so quickly, one moment they were walking to the cemetery the next he found himself laying on the grass with Gun's finger on the tip of his nose.

He found that spot on the graveyard almost two years ago when he was searching for a quiet place to think. His feet unconsciously dragged him towards that place and since then he always finds himself laying over that spot. 

_'What a weird lad.'_ He thought as he tried to recall what happened earlier, but then again even he was acting weird, and he knows it.

There's no one around their living room when he passed by, assuming that everybody is asleep he didn't bother checking the other rooms as he goes upstairs, straight to his bedroom.

He twists the doorknob to his own room, almost screaming at the guy sitting over his bed.

'What the fucking hell man.' Off exclaimed closing the door behind him. He set the plastic bag of shoelaces he bought on top of his study table making his way to his friend.

'Fuck I'm sorry, haven't your mom told you that she let me in?' Tay asked looking up from his phone like it's the most normal thing they could do. 

'Well she's probably asleep, it's almost midnight for fuck's sake. What the hell are you doing here?' Off asked pulling the stool from his study table to see his friend better since it occupied his bed. Tay is now wearing his Pajamas which doesn't seem to surprise Off anymore because this is not the first time he did this this month. 

'Well I can't sleep so I figured maybe I'd pay you a visit.' Tay shrugs now completely laying on top of Off's Bed which makes the taller man squint his eyes. 

'Do I look like your fucking keeper or something?' Off asked jokingly, they both know the reason Tay is here since it has been a couple of weeks since he started doing this. 

'What did New did today?' Off rolled his eyes at the other guy when it didn't utter a word. He looked at Tay playing with the seams of his pajamas. 

Ever since Tay transferred to his current university he couldn't stop talking about this guy, New. At first Off thought that his best friend hates the other guy judging by his stories where all they ever seem to do is annoy each other, but these past couple of weeks might have stirred up something within these two guys making Tay crash to his room almost every single night talking about the guy he has been annoying most frequently. Off doesn't really mind Tay's company, he got used to it over the years of being friends with the guy and his family seems comfortable with Tay too, even his niece Nirin is very fond with his best friend, but this random sleep overs is very new and very suspicious for Off. 

Judging from the looks of it, especially now that Off saw it with his own eyes earlier today, Tay and New both seem to like each other it's just that they are both dumb asses waiting for each other to confess.

 _'What a cliche.'_ He thought to himself.

'Bloody hell dude, why don't you just confess already? So that you can get yourself a little boyfriend-' Off hanged, teasing Tay who is now looking down at his bed, a slight tint of pink on his cheeks. '-and I could get some fucking sleep.' He said putting his hand on his chest. 

'Do you think that would be a great idea? He always looks like he would murder me every time he sees me.' 

Off couldn't disagree more with how Tay sees his relationship with New. Everyone around them could see it, even harder for him because he actually knows Tay and he knows when Tay is completely losing it to someone.

It took him a lot effort not to slap some sense into Tay. Like, he literally wants to slap the guy in front of him but instead he leaned back on his seat, crossing his arms over his chest. 

'It doesn't look like that from where I was seated earlier.' He inferred.

Tay's shoots up upon hearing his comment, 'Really? Do you really think I have a chance?' 

'Well I think everybody has a chance, we just have to stop dreaming about it and actually do something.' Off avoided the pillow thrown at his face the moment that he finished speaking. He chuckled picking it up from the ground before throwing it back at Tay. 

'But really though, what are you going to lose with trying? This life is not ours anyways, might as well do whatever the fuck we want. Right?' Off said in a more serious voice. 

Tay nodded for a moment before asking, 'Where were you anyways? Your mom said you'll just buy shoelaces and you were gone for like two hours.' 

'I was with Gun.'

'Gun? am I hearing this correctly?' Tay raised his eyebrow at Off, he couldn't get his mind into the idea of these two hanging around considering that they just knew each other a couple days ago.

'I saw him on my way back here and we hang out for a bit. He seems like a really cool guy.' He explained before they both moved on to another topic not concerning those who are bugging their minds. Tay doesn't want to press onto what seems like a really harmless topic but for the record he's happy Off gets along with his new set of friends. 

_'He really is something.'_ Off thought, deciding to keep it to himself. 

* * *

Gun continued working on the script as soon as he got back to his room. Feeling that he has to finish it as soon as he can. He doesn't want to think about it directly, but at the back of his mind he wants to push everyone to finish the film as soon as possible. He wants Off to have the chance to watch it before he-, Gun shook his head trying to bury the thought he has been trying to avoid the whole time he was with the taller guy. 

Instead, he started typing his emotions away. 

**INT. GMEM ASYLUM. 8 PM.**

_**Chimon** _

_I'm not crazy, you know. I did that because it's better to pretend that we are actually going insane, like what they want us to be._

_Nanon trembled as he heard the other guy from next room spoke. After last night he couldn't believe anything that is happening to him. When someone went to his room, he was dragged towards the bathroom as they conduct a body search. Nanon felt the hair at the back of his head stood up as he remembers what happened. They stripped him down searching every inch of his body. He can still feel the hands of those people on him. He spat on the ground ignoring the other guy._

**_Chimon_ **

_I only did that yesterday because I know that they are listening to us. You have to trust me, we have to get out of here._

_Nanon doesn't know whether to believe the guy on the other side of the wall and he doesn't really have much of a choice other than hear him speak. The man continued when Nanon didn't respond._

**_Chimon_ **

_Every month they will put at us in what they call the "box" to inspect and clean our rooms. Maybe we could try and escape by then._

_Nanon huffed, the cold floor making his ass numb after sitting on it for God knows how long._

~~_Don't believe him._ ~~

**_Nanon_ **

_How do you know they are not listening to us right now?_

_Nanon looks suspiciously at every corner of the room he is in. Expecting to spot something that would indicate that they are being monitored._

**_Chimon_ **

_Because I was once one of them._

~~_He still is._ ~~

_What the other guy said only made Nanon more suspicious and afraid of the stranger. Again. when Nanon didn't speak the other guy took it as an opportunity to continue._

**_Chimon_ **

_I know for a fact that they are only monitoring us once a week where they also have to search us for weapons or tools that we might have stolen to helps us escape._

**_Nanon_ **

_Why should I trust you?_

~~_You shouldn't_ ~~

**_Chimon_ **

_Because I know you Nanon._

_Nanon felt cold sweats dripping down his face as he heard the guy say his name. Chill running down his spine as his name echoed between the two of them. He swallowed a lump blocking his throat not knowing what to do._

**_Chimon_ **

_I was the one who brought you here._

_That's the last thing he heard from the guy that night. Nanon kept his eyes open, his body on guard. He couldn't stop quivering, hearing the other patients from the other rooms down the hall. He refuses to believe that he's in here right now, with these people._

~~_he is not one of them_ ~~

~~_he refuses to believe_ ~~

~~_he is._ ~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (AN: Heyy, please excuse some grammatical errors you must have encountered while reading, that must have slipped through me. I promise I'll try to correct them when I got the time, Thank you!! :) )


	6. Chapter 6

**~~78 days~~ **

'We did it'

'I beg your fucking pardon'

New looked at the ground as Gun looked at him with questioning eyes, his mouth ajar at the sudden confession. He thought that this is the perfect time to talk to his best friend about him and Tay since they are the only ones in the room and they don't have anything else to do but wait for the others.

'Tay and I, we had sex.' 

Gun couldn't help but look at his friend like it grew five heads. He knew his friend New was hiding something from him, he also guessed that it was about its feelings for Tay but he just wasn't aware that it went this direction really quick.Not that there's something wrong with it, he knows that New is a very responsible person and New wouldn't just jump into something he's not sure of.

New stares at his friend trying to form words on how to explain what is happening, or has happened. They are waiting for the others to come as they plan to watch some movies to brainstorm the approach, they want to use with the cinematography of the film they are making. 

Since they both have nothing else to do, they decided to head first to New's condo and just wait for the others.

The condo is quiet, only the faint whispers of confession echoes around them along with the buzz from a tractor down the street. Gun waited patiently for the other guy to process words that even New himself didn't think he'll have the courage to even say out loud.

He has always trusted Gun, they promised not to keep anything from each other and he knows Gun trusts him too, heck, he even knows Gun's biggest secret. So, there's no shame in telling, he's just needed some time to get used to the topic. 

'I don't know, It...it just happened.'

'What do you mean it just happened? New, sex can't just be an accident. I'm pretty sure both of the parties have to consent to it before you guys actually do it'

Gun paused taking a step towards his friend. 'You both consented upon doing it, right?' He asked, looking at his taller friend's eyes. Gun trusts New and he also trusts Tay, it's just that he didn't want his friend regretting something he could never take back.

'Oh God, of course! I wouldn't let him do that to me if I wasn't ready and I wouldn't do that to him either.' New blushed shaking his head. He's surprised that his best friend is more concerned about him consenting into the sex rather than the fact that he just confessed that he had sex with Tay.

This is exactly why he loves Gun. 

'Good' Gun nodded slowly before wiggling his eyebrows. Gun thought that maybe now that it's out and open maybe it's okay for him to tease his friend. Now that New himself told him, he doesn't have to hold back into annoying the taller one.

'Now tell me everything about it' Gun pressed, sitting down on the sofa before immediately bouncing back up as he remembered something. He looked at the worn out sofa, scanning for some stains he might have missed.

'Please don't tell me you did it on here?' He asked looking for spots they could have left. He threw the sofa a disgusted look before he turned his attention back to New.

'You're disgusting' New rolled his eyes, pressing Gun's shoulders to make the shorter one sit back down on the sketchy sofa. Gun squints his eyes as he looked back at New, still not trusting the surface he's sitting on. 

'We did it at his place.' New admitted making Gun sigh, relief crossed his face, he doesn't want to think about Tay and his Friend having sex every time he visits here. 

'Just please don't do it on my corner' He joked, pointing at the corner he usually sits on. New slaps the back of Gun's head, the impact making him scratch the spot.

'So, what happened and when?' Gun urged. New is a very reserved guy there must be something onto why he gave in to Tay, more than the fact that he's utterly infatuated with the guy. 

'Last night, after you guys went home. We got into his place and I guess things just escalated.' New shrugs not wanting to be descriptive about it especially when he's talking to his best friend.Gun made a face pointing out the stinginess of his friend but he didn't ask any more questions. With his playfulness aside he wants to spare himself from the mental image of his childhood friend having sex. He shudders just by the thought of it. 

'So, apparently you just decided that you're not annoyed by him anymore, is that it?' Gun asked putting his hand over to the back of the sofa, leaning back comfortably. He remembers not too long ago when all New and Tay would do is argue, and now they're having sex?

'I guess he's not that awful.' 

'Is he good tho like, in bed?' Gun smirked looking at the other party's flustered state. He wants to enjoy this side of New ,which he rarely sees, as much as he can.

Flustered and panicked.

He laughed looking at his friend's expression, judging by New's reddened ears, flushed cheeks, and failed attempts into avoiding his eyes, Gun doesn't have to hear the exact words for he already knows the answer. 

Quite disturbing and awkward as he thinks about it, but he could only laugh it off as he decided to change his question seeing that New almost exploded from all the blood rushing to his face.

'So are you guys..' 

'I don't know.' New cuts him off before he even finishes the sentence.

Four seconds has passed before one of them broke the silence embracing them. 

Gun gets it, it must have been hard for Tay and New to test the waters, 'There's no rush, but you know you guys have to figure things out right?' He smiled, patting New's shoulder.

'Talk it out.'

'I know.' New sighed as they completely dropped the topic. 

* * *

The two drifted into a lot of topics before their friends arrived one by one. They started their marathon as soon as almost everyone is inside the Condo, sitting comfortably onto their claimed spots like yesterday. Off arrived late, but he made it to the middle of the first movie carrying paper bags in his hands. 

'Oh no, that's for Gun.' Off stated reaching out for the drink on Mild's hand. He bought coffee for everyone in the room expect for the small man hunching over the small corner. If he remembers correctly, Gun prefers chocolate drink. Off stretched his arm out to give the drink to Gun while the latter shyly accepted with both of his hands. 

'You didn't have to.' Gun shook his head but then taking a sip from the drink.

'I just have a very good memory.' Off shrugs, before getting back into the movie that they are watching. Everyone groaned after the fifth sex scene started playing on the screen in front of them. 

'Come on, this is soft core porn and we know it.' Arm whined on his spot trying to avoid looking directly at the television.

The actors are now having what seems like their fifth make out session which may probably progress into sex later in the movie. Gun lost count on how many times they protested on changing the movie but Mild seems to enjoy her time watching it. 

'Oh, come on! Grow up. The movie actually has a great plot' Mild said, shoving a fist full of chips into her mouth. She rolled her eyes when she saw Arm looking at her questionably. 

'The plot? You mean her sucking dick for like five times already?'

'Well maybe if you just remove your head from your ass you'll understand'

Gun laughed at the two bickering, he couldn't help but look at New and how it was squirming, five feet apart from Tay. Both of the guys seem uncomfortable as they're probably recalling what happened between them just last night.

Gun couldn't help but smirk at that idea, there's something new and fresh about the site of New being shy like this around people. Tay must have noticed when he stood up and snatched the remote from the petite Girl in front of them.

'Okay that's it, let's watch another one.' 

'Oh come on! We were just getting into it!' She protested pointing at the television, 'The killer was just about to reveal himself' 

Arm crossed his arms over his chest, 'There was no killer, only fucking.' he stated. 

'Well there might be, if we just continued on watching.' Mild rolled her eyes at Arm before throwing a piece of chips to his direction.

Off laughed at the last words that left Mild's mouth, she's a very weird girl. 

'Why did you pick that movie in the first place?' Off finally asked. 

'Well it seems interesting and there's nothing wrong with sex, right New? Back me up on this one, you're the only rational person in here' Gun almost lost it as he saw New's pupils avoid Mild's, while Tay cleared his throat, pretending to scroll through the movies in front of them. 

'Yeah whatever.' New quickly dismissed the topic before Mild could ask another question. 'Why not start with the classic? The shinning?' New suggested trying to distract the others from the topic of sex making them all look at the menu of movies in front of them. 

'No, that movie is so overrated.' Gun shook his head sipping on the drink he got from earlier. 

'Everything is overrated for you.' New leaned more into his seat, snuggling into the pillows on his sofa. 

'I guess that's true.' 

After a few more minutes of bickering, they finally settled for 'A tale of two sisters'.

Watching a horror movie with a bunch of aspiring film makers may have been the most boring shit they have to do. None of them were screaming or getting startled because all of them are focused on how the scenes were made, which editing technique was used, and so on. 

Gun looked at the person besides him only to see it sprawled out on the floor, snoozing. He fought the urge to touch it's face again, which Gun doesn't understand why he gets these sudden urges to touch Off every time he sees this man peacefully closing his eyes. Off snored softly, his chest rising up and down gently while the others are obliviously watching the film. 

For a moment, there's no numbers circling his head.

There is no time running out. 

Just this man besides him in his peaceful slumber. 

For a moment, Gun was able to forget.

* * *

Off closed his bedroom door as soon as he got inside, he settled his bag on top of his table before going straight to his bathroom. Today's event was nothing out of the ordinary, he went to see the group he was seeing for a few days now and they watch a bunch of movies before calling it a day. He has to admit, they are a unique group of people but they fit right into his alley. 

He sighed, the sound of the air conditioner running, is the only sound echoing in the room. He looks at himself in the mirror as he settled his had on top of the sink.

 _'What does it take to forget the things I didn't even want to know in the first place?'_ He asked himself.

 **82\. 03.45** now reduced into **78\. 04. 23**

He closes his eyes trying to forget those numbers. 

Time is running out.

This is not the first time he wishes to forget, even just for a moment.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (TW: BLOOD, DEATH)

_Pitter patter._

_Droplets of rain hit the roof of Off's bedroom, he looked outside of his window to see that all the people rushing to get into shelter earlier has now made it to their respective homes. The warm air he's gently breathing out has now formed a fog onto his moist window. As a preteen boy he couldn't get more bored than this, making him write random things on the fogged bedroom window. Classes are canceled due to the thunder storm and the sudden blackout made it even worse for him._

_He sighed, crossing his arms over his chest. Looking up at the ceiling as he tries to think of ways, he could somehow entertain himself with. Not much are available since their is no electricity to power most of the things that takes up his time daily. A small tap on the window caught his attention, he ignores it going back to the things that occupied his brain moments ago._

_Tap'_

_He heard it again but this time louder. He looked outside of his window to see his friend Mek, drenched in Rain with small rocks in his hand. He stopped throwing them when he saw Off peeking through his window. Off looked at his friend questionably as Mek signaled him to go outside._

_'Why?' He tried to say using his mouth, hoping that the other would read his lips. Mek replied which Off didn't understand, he didn't try to understand Mek's third attempt when he shrugs his shoulder going down to go outside their house._

_'Jumpol where do you think you're going?' His mom asked as he was about to grab an umbrella._

_'Mek's outside' He explained shortly. He tested out the umbrella in his hand, opening and closing it a couple times in a row._

_'What does he want now?' His mom asked, slightly annoyed. Mek hasn't really been a great example for him and Tay, He definitely has gotten into a lot of trouble because of it. He shook his head looking at the door in front of him._

_'I don't know, I was about to ask him' He grabbed the doorknob opening their front door._

_'That boy is up to no good' She shook her head, crossing her arms as she remembered the time Off almost got lost in the jungle with his friends when Mek suggested that it would be fun to play hide and seek in the woods, the others being ten year old children complied, they got home that night covered in mud with scratches on their arm due to the tree branches sticking out._

_Off din't reply as he took a step outside._

_'Just please be careful' His mom reminded before the door closes entirely. He made his way towards his friend with his left hand inside his pocket and the other hand holding the umbrella protecting him from the rain._

_'What?' He asked as soon as he arrived in front of Mek who is wearing a tank top with shorts covered in mud, his hair wet due to standing in the rain for God knows how long now. Off is not even surprised with his friend's current state. Despite being a good friend Mek is a complete rascal from inside and out. Out of the three of them; Off, Tay, and Mek, the latter is the boy who always gets into trouble. Just last month he got suspended for "accidentally" wrecking one of the water pipes in the boy's bathroom, flooding the area. Off almost laughed at that memory._

_Mek was his first real friend, you know, besides from his_ _siblings. He couldn't remember exactly why and when, he just knows that one day in grade school they just decided that they could tolerate each other, they have been friends for a couple of months before they met Tay._

_'Dude, I got the key of my P' s motorbike, you down?' Mek said enthusiastically, dangling the keys in front of him._

_'I don't know man, seems fucking steep' Off didn't have to think about it to know that what Mek's trying to do is dangerous. They're not even old enough to drive yet. He shook his head at his friend who is now making a face in front of him._

_'You sound like my mom, come on now man.' Mek said juggling the keys with both of its hands. Off have always admired this side of Mek, he's so young and carefree. He's not stingy when it comes to sharing his experiences with his friends, even though sometimes it's too extreme for both him and Tay._

_Off didn't even have to ask to know that Tay disagreed with this "plan", seeing that Tay is not here with them. Tay's house is closer to Mek's than where Off's is, so he guessed that Mek went there first._

_'I'm sorry, it's raining so I don't think it's a good idea and plus my mom wouldn't let me either.' He looked back at their house, candle lights looming at their window due to the power interruption and curtains are flying around carried by the strong winds._

_'You and Tay are a bunch of pussies, just don't go begging for it when I told you guys how much fun I had 'cause this might be the only chance we have to get these keys because they'll probably beat my ass as soon as I got home' Mek chuckled, rolling his eyes at Off._

_'Be careful na' Off knows that when Mek sets his mind into things he wouldn't stop until he got it, stopping him now that he got the keys seems pointless._

_And plus, Off's too young to know._

_'Kay, see you tomorrow' Mek shrugged when the other doesn't seem to plan on changing his mind._

_'Yah see you.' Off smiled gripping his umbrella tighter as the wind grew stronger against them._

_Mek turned around, walking away from Off with the latter watching his back, rain enveloping his figure, more mud splattering as he walks urgently towards the corner of the street to their own house, something caught Off's eyes before Mek completely disappeared in front of him._

_**03\. 12** _

_Off wiped his eyes with his free hand. He tilted his head, confused unto what the numbers meant, he dismissed the thought without giving it a second glance. He turned around walking back towards their house._

_He was about to reach their front door when the wet floor made him slip on his ass._

_'Ow,' He pressed his hand on his now bleeding right knee._

_'This weather is up to no good' He thought to himself looking at his knee as it bled some more._

* * *

_Off hates the rain._

_He hates how it touches his skin coldly without any permission nor hesitations._

_He hates how his socks are soaked in it making his toes look pruney._

_He hates how it's sudden and uninvited._

_The sound of it hitting the concrete floor irritates him._

_He hates the fact that it's embracing his figure as he stares down at his Best friend Tay crying on its knees on the hospitals parking lot. He reaches down to touch Tay's shoulder with his trembling hands. He tried to compose himself as he looks at anything,_

_anywhere,_

_except here,_

_except this._

_'He's gone, Peng, just like that.' Tay choked out the words looking up at him trying to understand what is happening. Tay continued talking but Off couldn't hear any words coming out from his mouth._

_Tay's knees gave in as soon as they saw the hospital building. Both of them rushed to the hospital as soon as they heard the news. Off received the call four hours after he met Mek outside his house, he didn't know what to do or what to even say because all he can think of is the numbers he saw before Mek went home._

_Mek's brother told him over the phone that the paramedics saw Mek's lifeless body at around three hours after he met Off, disgustingly exact as the numbers he saw. One of their neighbors found Mek a little too late, they f_ _ound him bleeding out with his head against a hard concrete assuming that the motorbike he was riding might have slipped due to the wet road caused by the rain, he flung because of the impact causing his head to collide with the concrete in that area._

_Mek's brother asked Off if he knew something about it or If Mek told him anything about its plan to ride the motorbike._

_Off didn't answer._

_It's not that he didn't want to, it's just that he couldn't._

_He couldn't form words as he's trying to comprehend it without bawling his eyes out._

_'If only we knew, If only we tried harder to convince him not to do it, maybe if we were there we could have stop-'_

_'I may have known' Off cut Tay's rambling, letting the confession slip right through his tongue. Tay looked at him confused, hearing his first words after keeping silent since earlier when they met._

_'What? What do you mean you knew?'_

_'Before he left, I s-saw these numbers' Off stuttered as he himself couldn't make any sense out of it._

_Tay stood up so he can look at the other in the eyes, Off avoided his gaze right away looking at the wet ground underneath their soaked bodies. The sound of rain is_ _deafening, it recalls the reality they are having a hard time swallowing. It slaps their skin making them feel, making Off want to gag. The cold droplets reminding them that they are here, feeling, breathing, alive and that their friend isn't._

_'What numbers?' Tay whispered, feeling too tired to speak in moderate volume. Off shook his head deciding the he just couldn't think this through right now._

_'Nothing' He dismissed continuing on his way towards the doors of the hospital, it automatically opened as it detected his figure. He hears himself breathe in, holding his breath unconsciously, as he turns the corner towards the morgue._

* * *

**~~77 days~~ **

Off laid down on his favorite spot at the Chinese cemetery, looking up at the sky like what he always does.

The night hangs between a thread before it turns into tomorrow. Off closes his eyes as he thinks about it, it's weird to think that this day is our today, our tomorrow, and our yesterday. Humans have been completely deceived by the concept of hours and seconds thinking that tomorrow is different or sometimes even better when it's all just huge collective moment of us floating in space rushing our everyday to not waste any time. 

_'Time while anticipating our tomorrow IS wasted time'_ He sighed asking himself onto why do we have to live a life with days that are too busy moving forward to even consider our phase. 

'Oh, I'm sorry I guess I shouldn't have gone here'

Off looks up to see the small man scratching his head. He tilted his head gesturing that it's okay if the latter wants to stay. 

'What got you here?' He asked sitting up, patting the spot besides him.

'I guess I can't sleep' Gun lied, kinda. He got out of their house as soon as their neighbors started banging on their front door, threatening to call the cops because of the unbearable noise his mother made tonight when she decided to invite more people than usual. He didn't even think twice as he grabs a pair of slippers, walking out of the back door not wanting to get involved into any of those mess. His sister slept over at one of her friend's house, so he doesn't have anyone to worry about as he leaves. This place wasn't even his first choice, he went to his usual spot only to see a couple sitting on it, overlooking the city.

Maybe it wasn't his after all. 

_'Neither is this place'_ He thought as he settled down a few meters away from Off. Gun cleared his throat pulling out some grass in between his legs. 

'What about you? Why are you here?' 

'Have you ever thought of why we're here? Not here in the cemetery, but here, on Earth' Off asked instead of answering the question thrown at him, for one, he doesn't really have a reason why he's here, he just feels peaceful when he's in here. That's it.

'What a cliché question coming from a man who looks like he spends most of his time thinking about life in cemeteries' Gun joked looking up at Off. Off laughed at that, before titling his head as if gesturing that he is still waiting for the answer. 

'I think it's because we do have something we need to do.' Gun replied, answering as honestly as he can. He doesn't see any reason to lie but he can't hide the fact that he is slightly embarrassed. 

'Really? You don't look like someone who believes in purpose or calling and shit' Off commented making the other guy think and question himself. It's not that Gun is completely believing that, maybe he just wanted a reason to hope, that somehow things do have meaning and that we're not just here, breathing and consuming. 

'Again, you don't look like someone who'll ask this question either. But I guess here we are so...' Gun admitted making the other laugh. 

'Touché' 

'But seriously, I think it's not bad to hope that everything that we do, even the small ones, matter. I think our lives matter with reasons way beyond just existing.' Gun looked earnestly at the other guy. Maybe deep inside him he wants to tell Off that whatever happens, he will matter, to something and to someone, even when that day comes. 

'I don't completely oppose that idea, but I just... I guess I can't help but think what if this is it. What if there's nothing more to this.' Off said honestly, he doesn't know why he's here having this conversation with Gun with no filter on him but it feels comfortable and safe. 

'Well if there's a chance that it's not, then we don't have a reason to regret' Gun shrugged nonchalantly. 'I think we should treat it like a gift, you know. Life, I mean.' Gun continues when Off didn't answer, remembering what his father taught him. 

Off looked at Gun pulling the grass that's left on the ground He was sitting at. He kind of feel guilty talking like this with Gun, with this topic at hand, fully knowing that time is running out. 

'You know,' Off paused pointing at the spot below Gun before continuing, 'we'll get shit thrown at us when the caretaker of this place saw you murdering those grass.' He joked, distracting his mind from the reality he knows he's bound to meet.

They stayed there for a couple more hours with the moon as the witness of the shyness coming across the both of them and the whispers, they want to keep to themselves.


	8. Chapter 8

_'Slow down or you might choke on your food' His mom warned seeing on how he almost inhaled the food as soon as it arrives in front of him._

_Gun took another bite but this time he chews on them slowly, afraid of being called out by his mother again. He looks up as he heard his dad chuckle from his seat chewing on the same food as him. It's kind of like their tradition to have breakfast in here at their local, 70's themed diner, a few blocks away from their house._

_'You should really learn how to take things slow and enjoy them kiddo' His dad commented, shoving a huge bite of waffles down his throat, his mom rolling her eyes besides him._

_'And that's coming from you?' She stated, eyeing the almost half eaten food in front of his husband._

_Gun acquired a lot of his traits from his old man and it shows the older he gets. From his physical appearance, to his expressions, down to the things that he likes._

_'What? You're on to me now?' His dad raised his eyebrows, chuckling. He stole some bacon from his mom's plate._

_'Will I ever get to see a day where you'll stop stealing my food?'_

_'Oh come on, we all know you love me' His dad teased taking his sister from the high chair she was sitting at, too young and oblivious to what is happening around her. Their dad cradles her on his lap slightly swaying his body to soothe her._

_'Right? Mommy wuvs daddy so much, right wittle Jane?' He coos playing with the one year old girl in his arms. Making faces that makes her laugh. Her giggles ringing on their table putting everyone on a much greater mood._

_'Put her back down, you're disrupting her peace' His mom laughed, shaking her head, unable to hide the smile slowly creeping on her face. His mom might pretend that she's annoyed most of the times but it's undeniable that she's enjoying every single moment of them being like this._

_Together and laughing on silly things that is too unimportant to even be remembered by tomorrow._

_It's simple and warm._

_Gun's eyes wandered around the room he has been eating at for as long as he can even remember, nothing seems new. Most things in here he has seen for almost every Sunday. The same old movie posters, along with some vinyl's and memorabilia from the 70's are hanged above the bright red booths and an annoyingly bright counter. There's a couple of mini statues of some old, probably dead, artists from the 70's. He recalls his dad telling him that this is where him and his mom would have their dates because both of them have breakfast as their favorite meal of the day and this place serves breakfast meals 24/7._

_His dad noticed him looking around before speaking, 'You know nothing could really beat the classics'. He said as he settled Jane back to her seat._

_'If I had the chance, I would have pursued Film, just to see if I could create something as good as these' He continued, referring to the movies in the posters._

_'Why didn't you?' Gun asked not thinking to much about it._

_'Well, your grandma always wanted me to become an office man and I never really realized what I wanted to do before I chose what I want for college' He chuckled, putting another piece of waffle into his mouth. He shook his head unsure of whether a seven year old kid would even completely understand what he was saying._

_'She probably just wants you to have a stable job' His mother interfered not giving a chance for him to reply._

_'Making art is a stable job' His dad argued before sipping on his cup of coffee._

_'But it doesn't give security. I think it's better to just find stability and stick with it' She shook her head drinking from her glass of orange juice._

_Gun watch his parents' banter for a few minutes before his dad turned towards him completely ignoring his mom's side eye._

_'Just do whatever you think will give you peace and will help you sleep at night, because by the end of the day It's your life and no one can dictate everything for you.' His dad smiled looking at him in the eyes before ruffling his hair and urging him to continue eating._

_This is one of the words Gun wished he could have heard when he's a little bit older._

_A little bit wiser to understand._

* * *

**~~70 days~~ **

Gun found himself drenched in the rain laughing as he run across the street. He never once thought that he'll be here laughing his ass off, soaking wet with his tall friend following close behind. He jumps at one of the puddles splashing some to Off's direction making Off flinch before making a disgusted face. 

He guesses he could consider Off as his friend now after working with him for almost a week already. It's weird that he doesn't feel weird at all. He feels complete comfortable around Off that even his goofy side takes over. They have known each other for not even half of the time he has knew his friend New but he doesn't feel less comfortable around him. 

'Don't you dare' Off warned seeing his mischievous grin as he was taking a step closer to another puddle thinking of jumping on it again. 

Gun smiled before committing on his plan, making an even bigger splash. 

If someone would see them, they'll probably say that they're childish, maybe they are, but Gun doesn't feel childish at all. 

He doesn't feel silly or crazy. 

He just feels alive. 

* * *

**3 hours earlier**

'Do I really have to go?'

Gun whined as they are about to open the door in front of them. He finally gave in after New pestered him to go. Loud music blaring from the speakers from the inside the house. Tay decided to throw a party for his birthday, celebrating it a few days ahead from his actual birthday since apparently, he got the whole place to himself. 

It took a little bit of convincing to get Gun out of his bed. This kind of scene is not really for him. For one, his social battery goes out really fast especially when he's with this many people at once and also, he just prefers just being with his own company watching something interesting or sleeping to get his energy back.

Heck, he would even prefer sitting at the cemetery with Off rather than this. 

New rolled his eyes, 'If you're not going then I won't go', he said having his hand on the doorknob. 

'Fine, whatever, we're here anyways' Gun sighed before New completely opened the door. A lot of familiar faces welcomed them as soon as they took a step inside, the living room filled with bodies too close to each other, making Gun slightly squirm. 

New looks around the room hoping to spot the reason he even considered going here, but to no luck, they only saw Arm getting himself something to drink. 

'Hey, have you seen Tay?' New asked making the latter look up at them. Arm shrugs as soon as he recognizes the boys making their way towards him. He hasn't seen Tay for a couple of minutes now. 

'The last time I saw him was when he was about to get some more Ice in the kitchen' He answered looking towards the direction of what seems like the kitchen. New nodded before looking at Gun as if asking if he can go and check if he could find Tay.

Gun raised his eyebrows, crossing his arms over his chest. 

'Really? You're gonna bail on me now? We just got here for like five minutes' Gun said halfheartedly, he doesn't want to hold New back from having fun tonight but he just thought that maybe his friend shouldn't have annoyed him to go if he's just going to abandon him literally the minute that they got in anyways. 

He sighed when he saw the look on New's Face, 'Fine, but promise me that we'll go home together, I don't want to go back alone' 

New nodded, 'I swear!' calling out before continuing his way towards the last area where Tay was spotted. 

'So, what got you here? You're the last person I expected to see in here' Arm asked besides him taking a swig from his drink. Arm has always been really blunt and forward to the things he wants to say and Gun got used to it after knowing the guy since freshmen year but he's still surprised by how Arm sees him.

He may be quiet and reserved but he's not that uptight, right?

'The last person? really? why? do I look that anti-social?' 

'Nah, I just thought that you're not the type of person to go to these kinds of parties' Arm shrugs leaning at the wall behind them. 

'Well you're right about that' Gun answered simply, he couldn't deny the truth since Arm looks like the kind of guy who wouldn't think twice into going to parties like this, He would surely know if Gun was lying. 

Gun looked in front of them, observing the people around, some of which he knew and a lot of which he doesn't. Arm dropped the topic once he saw Mild making her way towards the dance floor, slurring, probably already drunk. They both winced once they saw her almost slipping head first onto the floor. 

Arm groaned, 'Excuse me for a minute, I should probably go and help her before she slams her face onto something hard' Gun nodded before he sees Arm making his way towards the small girl, squeezing through the sea of people. 

Gun never saw Tay as someone who would throw a party this big but he guesses they all see a new side of each other in everyday that is passing by. It has been a week since they all started working with each other and because of their busy schedules from school and other requirements they haven't seen been together that much. 

He wonders if Off is the type of person who goes to this kind of parties, seeing that he looks like someone who enjoys being alone. He disregarded that thought before he went to look for a much quieter place to spend his time.

He ended up outside where only few people go to, some only just to smoke. He made sure to get as far away from the smokers before he settled on bench nearby. 

He loves seeing New venture like this in their college days even if it means that he's going to be dragged to parties and such, he knows New doesn't mean to cause him any discomfort he must have been really shy to go to this alone and Gun doesn't mind at all. New has been a great company for him either, especially when he's having those moments, quietly and patiently waiting fro him to be okay. This is nothing compared to that. 

'Why are you alone when there's a great party going on inside?' Gun didn't have to raise his head to know who's talking, he looked behind him to see Off walking towards him with his hands in his pocket. 

He chuckled at the sarcasm dripping from the man's comment. The taller guy slid besides him and they basked in a moment of silence before one of them broke it. 

'Oh I'm enjoying it, alright' Gun snickered countering the comment Off made from earlier. 

'Yeah I'm not the type who'd enjoy this either, I'm just here because it's Tay's party' 

'I know, judging from the fact that your favorite scene happens to be a cemetery, I wouldn't have guessed otherwise' Gun smiled looking besides him. 

'Shut up, I go to other places too, you know' Off snickered. 

'Yeah? Like where?' 

'I don't know, depends on where my feet drag me.' 

Off does seem like someone who'd take everything spontaneously, not taking things seriously.

He kind of reminds Gun of his father in some way.

A moment passes by between them where all they can hear are the faint sound of party music and someone shouting some kind of a countdown. 

'What's with Tay and New by the way? They seem to bother each other's mind a lot' Off asked out of nowhere, taking Gun by surprise. 

'I don't think it's mine to tell' 

Off nodded completely understanding. Tay has been sharing things about him and New but it looks and feels like there's something he has been holding back, but judging by Gun's answer he should probably just wait and respect Tay's timing. 

'Well whatever it is, I hope they'll settle it smoothly. I mean, don't you just hate it when people are obviously into each other but tends to complicate things further rather than just being upfront about it?'

'Well for some people it's not that easy' Gun shrugged thinking of how New's having a hard time processing the changes happening all at once. 

'It will never get easy' Off whispered which Gun didn't reply, he kind of agrees with what Off has said but they can't blame the others for taking their time since the process is different for each of them. 

'What do you say we get out of here' Off offered randomly, standing up from his seat. 

'Where to?' 

'I guess we'll know once we get there' 

Gun smiled standing up and following Off closely from behind, completely forgetting the promises he and New made. 

Well there's not much assurance that New even remembers it.

* * *

Off once again found himself drenched in rain.

Both Gun and him was supposed to just walk around until they probably reach somewhere interesting nearby but then it started raining and the subdivision doesn't seem to offer places that has some sheds that they could temporarily stay at, so here they are running around, hoping to find shelter to protect them from the rain. 

The cold air wraps around his tall built, his shirt clinging to his chest. The lamp post in front of him illuminating throughout the street. His socks are soaked and his shoes will probably see it's last day. There're not much people around, just him and the small man in front of him, probably because it's thirty minutes passed midnight. 

He couldn't remember how they got here or what they're laughing about, he just knows that the rain doesn't seem to bother him as much as the years that went by with him hating it. 

Gun beamed at him after finding another puddle, attempting to jump into it for three times already.

These kind of stuff don't really fit into Off's alley, but right not he doesn't seem to care at all. It's fun to let loose for once in a while even if it looks completely silly and crazy, cause it probably is, since he just met Gun for less than a month but nothing in his mind seems to stop him from being childlike for even just tonight. 

Not even the rain,

nor the cold,

or the soaked socks,

or even memories that he's trying to avoid for years now.

 _'It will never get easy'_ He thought to himself as he saw Gun laughing like a maniac in front of him completely drenched from head to toe. 

~~_'But maybe if it's right it can be'_ ~~


	9. Chapter 9

**INT. GMEM ASYLUM. NULL.**

_The sun peeks at the small window at the corner of his room. Nanon scrunches his eyebrow in attempt of guessing what time it is. After spending hours, days, and weeks in here he's unable to keep track anymore. He's completely detached from reality, making it hard for him to know which are real and which are just a fragment of his imagination. The other guy from next room Chimon, if he remembers its name correctly, hasn't been very vocal in the past couple of days which makes Nanon doubt him more. Nanon still doesn't trust anything that is happening to him. It just seems so bizarre for all of this to happen to him without him remembering anything, even just a small part of why this happened._

_Nanon made his way towards the wall that is separating him from Chimon, knocking on it and hoping to get the other's attention._

_Hoping to get some answers._

_~~Hoping to get some real answers~~ _

_When he heard no response, Nanon decided to just ask anyways. He can't feel any crazier than this, but he has to try. He has to try and do everything he can to keep himself safe while grasping on the little bit of sanity left to him._

**_Nanon_ **

_You said that you're the one who put me in here right?_

_Still no response. Nanon continued._

**_Nanon_ **

_Why? Why me? Out of all people, why did you put me in here?_

_Nanon sighed when silence swallowed him once more. Nanon hates it when this happens, it makes him question everything, even himself. It feels like no one is there, like he's talking to the void, losing himself in the process._

_He can feel himself deteriorating._

_He can feel himself fleeting._

_~~He can feel himself becoming more and more like another person in every second that he spends in here.~~ _

**_Nanon_ **

_If you can't tell me, can you at least prove to me that you're real?_

_Nanon's arms are numb from the jacket that has been hugging his figure for some time now. He got used to it, the rough fabric scratching his torso, the tightness engulfing his frail figure. The color that used to be white now lies between grey and somewhat yellow. There are times where he can't even feel it anymore, except for the times where random what ifs invades his mind._

_What if time is running out and he needs to make a move right now?_

_What if waiting will do him no good?_

_What if all of this is a trap?_

_Even him, the guy in the next room, what if he's just part of their plan?_

_~~What if I would never get the chance to bask in the sunlight anymore?~~ _

_When these thoughts circle his brain, he couldn't help but to at least try to pry himself out of this. Out of here._

**_Chimon_ **

_You did a lot of things Nanon. Horrible things, that's why you're here._

_~~That's why we're here~~ _

_Nanon didn't even flinched when the other guy starts talking, everything is foggy, he couldn't even trust his own memory. Chimon's voice seems softer than it did before like he's trying to be extra careful with the subject, not wanting to trigger Nanon._

**_Nanon_ **

_What things?_

_Nanon tried to ask, his voice dry from the cold and the amount of time he didn't use it. He doesn't even sound like him anymore. He heard the other guy sigh from beside him as he could almost feel the other's presence sitting right next to him due to the paper-thin wall._

_It's as if he's real and not just in Nanon's mind, not a hallucination but living here in this fucked up world like Nanon is. Like everyone else's._

_~~He's real~~ _

_Nanon could almost feel the hesitation from the other party making the tension ticker in every second that they wait._

**_Chimon_ **

_Your name is Nanon Korapat Kirdman._

_There was a long pause between them before Chimon started. Nanon searches his brain if he even remembers his own full name. If he even knows himself. Nanon looks up at the ceiling, processing things._

_~~I am Nanon Korapat Kirdman.~~ _

**_Chimon_ **

_You used to work here..._ _with me._

_~~I am Nanon Korapat Kirdman and I used to work here at this place with this guy, real or not.~~ _

_For Nanon it doesn't matter if it was real or not, right now his instincts is telling him to grasp every information thrown at him for he doesn't have anything else if he won't believe._

_He needs something. Something to think about. Something to keep him going,_

_even if there's a huge possibility that it is just a lie._

**_Chimon_ **

_We did horrible things Nanon, for so many people, and we can't take it back. Our project, it didn’t w-worked the way that we planned it._

_~~I am Nanon Korapat Kirdman and I used to work here at this place with this guy, real or not.~~ _

**_Chimon_ **

_The project made people see. See the things that alters the reality that we have today. We fucked up Nanon. We ruined their lives. Those numbers, we can't make them forget Nanon._

_Nanon couldn't hear anything but the things that he does understand kept on circling his mind._

_~~I am Nanon Korapat Kirdman and I used to work here at this place with this guy, real or not.~~ _

_~~We fucked up~~ _

_~~I am Nanon Korapat Kirdman and I used to work here at this place with this guy, real or not.~~ _

_~~We fucked up~~ _

_~~I fucked up~~ _

_I am one of them._

* * *

**~~69 days~~ **

New looked up at his friend Gun, that is currently sitting in front of him. They are waiting for the others when Gun asked him to read their script, saying that he is now open for second opinions. New is okay with what is written, it seems to go towards the direction that they want, though, he couldn't help but notice that there is some correlation between where the plot is going and his friend's condition. He's not sure if it's Gun's subconscious or it's his friend's way of somehow telling his story to others. Nevertheless, he's doesn't want to make Gun uncomfortable, he knows that Gun might feel self-conscious after he ask about this subject matter so he decided to just drop it and let Gun have his freedom into interpreting his work. 

New also noticed that Gun hasn't been having those moments as frequently as he used to. It's great to see him calm once in a while, he deserves it.

If only New knows how to help Gun in those moments then he would have done whatever it in a heartbeat, but unfortunately Gun has to go through those excruciating moments alone. Ever since he knew about it he couldn't help but feel for Gun, he feels how heavy of a burden it is for his friend and all he could do is watch from a far and patiently wait for when it is all over. His train of thought was interrupted when Gun suddenly spoke in front of him, 'Where are we even going?' Gun finally asked, looking up from his phone. 

'Well, since you're almost halfway into writing the script, Arm suggested that we should also probably hunt for our main location which is somewhere that we can make look like an asylum so that we won't lose any time.' 

'Oh, okay. Is Off going to come with us?' Gun asked nonchalantly, avoiding New's gaze as he looks back down at his phone. New squints his eyes at his friend, smelling something hanging in the air.

Now that he thinks about it, something does seem off with Gun whenever they would meet with everyone. Gun always seems jumpy and nervous in contrast to what he really is on a normal basis. 

'Is there anything you would like to share with me?' New asked, kicking Gun's foot below the table. 

'What? You sound like a teacher' Gun said as he tries to hide the fact that he has something he's itching to tell his friend since the first time he went to the cemetery with Off. 

'Don't tell me-" New trailed before he was aggressively cut off by Gun's panic state.

'What? No. Whatever it is that you're thinking, that is not the case.' Gun protested sternly, picking up his drink from their table before sipping from it. He tries to look at everything excepts his friend's questioning eyes. They both decided to go to Cafe by the Ruins earlier than the group planned, just to catch up with each other without the others to worry about, but he wasn't aware that this is the "catching up" that they'll be doing. 

'Well, by the way that you're acting right now, it seems like there is.' New tilted his head, crossing his arms on his chest while leaning back down on his seat. Gun laughs awkwardly before clearing his throat.

'How's the script?' He asked diverting the topic, making New groan and roll his eyes. 

'The one thing that I hate the most, is this' New hanged waving his arms towards his friend's direction. 'You trying to be sly and secretive when you obviously have something in mind. It's one of my biggest pet peeves I swear to God. Because first, it is not as effective as you think it is and second, I could see right through you, just in case you forgot' 

'Fuck off' Gun laughed at New's sudden little outburst.

To be honest he doesn't know what to tell New for he's not even sure on what it is yet. 

'and by the way, care to tell where the fuck were you last night? You told me that you'll wait for me but your stupid ass was gone even before midnight when I went on looking for you, and guess who else went missing around those times? Off fucking Jumpol, that's who.' Gun can't help but continue laughing at New's detective voice that he has been using since when they were young every time he's onto something. 

'First of all, you're too nosy for your own good' Gun stated making New shrug sipping on his cup of coffee. 'Second, have you forgotten that you were the first one that abandoned me the moment the we arrived in the Party? And Third, I don't think there's something wrong with having new frien-'

New intervene before he finishes his sentence, 'Woah, I was just joking around, but I guess my hunch was right' New nodded to himself.

Gun made a face to his friend deciding not to entertain his annoying way of teasing him. 

'So, do you like him?' New pressed once Gun went back to looking at his phone, making it seem that it's the most interesting he has ever set his eyes on.

'What the fuck are you even saying? I just met the guy for I don't know, less than two weeks? Do you really I'm that easy?' Gun looks at his best friend's eyes.

'Yes, in fact, I do think you're that easy having to know you for all these years' New paused for a moment laughing at Gun's glare before he continues, 'and this panic state of yours isn't helping you, at all, sweetie' New teased, partly to get back at Gun for annoying him with his situation with Tay but mostly just to know where his friend is at life. 

'I can assure you, that you don't have anything to worry about right now and that I'll tell you everything, if and only if I do have something important to tell' Gun shrugs, hoping that New would drop the topic and gladly he did, as New started giving his opinions about the script.

 _'New, he only has 69 days left to live.'_ Gun thought to himself, not confident enough to share the information to his friend even though it has been killing him to do so. 

* * *

'Oh God, Peng this is the stupidest thing you've ever done so far and that's saying a lot' Tay groaned the moment he saw his childhood friend walking towards them with some unexpected company. 

'I'm sorry, I know I know. I'm sorry, but there was an emergency and I can't think of anyone who's willing to look after her within the short notice' Tay rolled his eyes but he can't help but reach out and carry the little girl from Off's arms. Nirin looks at everyone around, confused upon seeing new faces.

'You know I love her so much but we can't have her around while we search for our shooting location, we'll tire her out, no offense Nirin' Tay protested looking at the toddler in his arms that is currently drooling over Mild's Frappe, oblivious of their current dilemma. 

'I'm sorry but both my parents were suddenly called to the bank over some issue about their account and my sister, you know how busy she gets this time of the year.' Off pants, explaining as to why he dragged his niece over. Sweat dripping down his forehead indicating the rush he went through from their house to here.

'I'm scared of kids' Mild suddenly whispered avoiding Nirin's curious glances which made New laugh. 

'You're afraid of kids, when you are one' New replied earning a slap on the shoulder from Mild.

Gun noticed that Nirin acquired a lot of her uncle's facial features, making him wonder if Off looked exactly like this when he was around this age. She's wearing a cute Sunday dress filled with daisies that matches her head dress which have one sunflower sitting on the middle of it. 

'Do you guys mind? If she makes you guys too uncomfortable then don't worry, we can go back home, but please excuse my absence for this meeting because I really can't think of where I could leave her safely' Off looks at everyone around the table apologetically before Arm spoke for them.

'Nah man, It's kinda cute actually. I guess we could handle some actual toddler in the group after dealing with Mild for some time now,' Arm snickered when Mild threw him a side glance. 'and don't worry it's not like we're using public transportation, I happen to sneak out my parents' van so it wouldn't be that much of a hassle, but are you really sure she can handle this tiring day?' Arm continued, playing with Nirin's fingers.

'Hopefully she can, I guess we don't really have much of a choice' 

'Wonuts, Pwetty Wonuts' Nirin exclaimed catching everyone's attention, it took them a moment before they saw what she's talking about. She extended her little arms towards Gun who is currently wearing a shirt filled with pink donuts.

Gun's cheeks turned pink, there is something about a child picking you that is very rewarding and Off's smile that he saw through his peripheral vision doesn't really help him calm down.

Gun looked at Off, as if asking if he could carry Nirin, He reaches out to her after as he saw Off nodded, giving him permission. 

'Woa, I guess you already found your favorite huh?' Tay pouted, as soon as Nirin left his arms ogling at the donuts on Gun's shirt. 

'Just like your uncle' New whispered so that only him and Gun could hear. 

'Shut up' Gun whispered back. Gun doesn't appreciate New making him blush at this early in the day with a lot of people around, but he knows New and how it loves teasing him to death.

After everyone seems to agree on where to go first, they all stood up leaving the cafe with Gun still carrying Nirin who is now pinching his left arm where one of the biggest donut is located. Though, Gun doesn't seem to mind carrying Nirin until the moment that they left the cafe, Off still feels guilty with the fact that some people are babysitting his niece right now instead of just focusing on their project. 

'Come on Nirin, Uncle Off will carry you now' Off reaches out his arms towards the little girl the moment that they set foot outside heading towards Arm's van to go to the clinic owned by Mild's parents. Mild told them it's quite big for a clinic and with some proper set decorations they might be able to make it look like an asylum and hopefully use the space for their advantage. 

Nirin shook her head whining when her uncle tried to pry her off from Gun's arms. 

'No, Gwun smwell gwood' She protested which makes everyone in their radius smile and laugh. She now knows everyone's name after Off introduced them to her, except Mild. For some reason she calls Mild, Chim, which Mild doesn't seem to mind at all. 

'Come on now Nirin, let's admit you're not the lightest baby out there' Off shook his head to his niece prying her hands from embracing Gun.

'It's okay, I used to take care of my sister when she was younger too, so don't worry' Gun reassured Off who looks extremely embarrassed when Nirin was about to cry. 

'Are you sure? I really am sorry, this is such bad timing' Off scratched the back of his head surrendering the idea of getting a hold of Nirin when he saw her hold onto Gun's neck for dear life, their group mates are now currently hoping on to Arm's van with them following close behind.

'Yeah, it's fine, don't worry. Plus, she seems pretty sweet' Gun smiled at Nirin who's now looking up at him. 

'She also seems to like you' Off commented once they both joined the others inside the vehicle. 

'Just like her uncle' New coughed, wiggling his eyebrows at Gun. Thankfully the others are preoccupied so they didn't give that much attention to what New was trying to say. 

_'Shut the fuck up'_ Gun mouthed to his soon to be ex best friend when no one seems to be looking at them, he also made sure that Nirin won't see or hear him say the F-word. New smirked before looking outside the window next to him, completely pleased at how Gun reacted.

 _'This is going to be a long day'_ Gun thought to himself before joining whatever the others are currently talking about with Nirin sitting peacefully on his lap.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (TW: DEATH)

'Nirin please,' Off pleaded trying to pry Nirin's grasp from Mild's hair. The others are checking out the rooms in which where they are planning on shooting their Film when Nirin decided to pick a fight with Mild's scalp.

As soon as they arrived in the clinic Nirin found another prospect as she got tired with Gun's presence. Mild picked her up after she stretches her little arms up to her, not knowing that she has an ulterior motive. 

Mild yelped when she felt her hair being yanked once again, she tried to take a hold of Nirin's small hand to hopefully stop the pulling, but that didn't stop the toddler from using her other hand.

Gun heard the commotion when he was about to go back to the lobby. The place is nice and spacious and with some redecoration they could totally shoot some of the scenes in here, thankfully, the clinic just opened and not a lot of people go here except when it's a complete emergency so they could totally use that onto their advantage. Overall, it's kind of quiet except from the screaming coming from the trio who's left in the lobby. 

Gun laughed when he saw the situation they were in, with Mild turning red while trying not to drop Nirin and Off begging his niece to stop pulling the former’s hair on the side.

'You see? This is why I'm afraid of kids' Mild explained referring to their case, Gun makes his way towards them to try and catch Nirin's attention. 

'Come on, let's look at the pwetty wonuts once again' Gun tried, attempting to get the child to stop yanking Mild's hair and go with him. Nirin looked at him, a moment of hesitation crosses her mind before she agreed to be held by Gun once again. 

Gun smiled swaying the toddler back and forth in his arms, 'See? she likes me' He beamed at Off and Mild, tickling Nirin’s sides making her giggle.

'Really? You picked him over me?' Off asked chuckling at the sight of his niece more comfortable in Gun's arms than when she did to him. She sticks her tongue out at Off making the three of them laugh. 

'Let's go Nirin, I'm your new uncle now' Gun said, chuckling before he went back towards the room that he was in earlier, but this time with Nirin in his arms. 

Off looks at Gun's back, scratching the back of his head before following them inside the room. 

* * *

**~~67 days~~ **

The cold air hits both Gun and Off as they are both lying on the grass on their spot in the Chinese cemetery, basking with each other’s presence and looking up at the night sky. Gun looks at the man lying beside him, smiling at the thought that they just ended up in here after some test shots they did earlier today.

It's calming to think that they are now both comfortable with just being together without the others around, while talking about random things that crosses their minds.

This is new and fun but also safe. Making the atmosphere light for the both of them.

'Do you know the theory Solipsism?' Off asked shifting his position to look back at Gun. 

'I haven't heard of it' Gun shook his head.

'So, this is the theory that says that we can only prove our own existence, meaning, we don't have a way into know if someone else is real'

'Well that's interesting. So, if that theory is correct and if it's true that we are the only ones existing, then we can hypothesize that everything in our lives are just the things that our minds made up.' Gun concluded, making Off nod his head. 

'Yah, that was what I was thinking, so if we really think about it, it's true that we can do anything we set our minds into, even the most impossible things' 

'You're so fucking cliché, you know that, right?' 

Off rolled his eyes at Gun's remark 

'But it's true, if we have the ability to build this world with our minds and live our lives surrounded by people who are also made up, imagine the things that we could also do-' 

Gun couldn't hear what Off said after that, he found himself staring at the lad lying beside him explaining the theory. Its fun seeing Off go on and on about the things that he finds fascinating. Explaining with all his might with his arms flailing around to give emphasis to what he is saying.

It makes Gun want to be passionate as well because the energy radiates to him. 

Gun couldn't remember when they decided that it's okay for them to hang out like this, he can't remember the point when they just did, the only thing circling his mind is the furrowed eyebrows of the guy he has been staring at, the shortness of breath due to explaining things, and his heart pounding on his chest.

He smiles as he hugs his figure to fight the coldness of the night. 

Maybe he likes being like this with Off.

Lying around and just talking, sometimes even just being completely quiet with each other’s presence. 

'But then again, just a theory' Off shrugs, getting back to his position from earlier, looking up at the sky.

 _'Yeah, just a theory.'_ Gun sighed looking up at the sky like the taller one. 

* * *

**~~66 days~~ **

'P', Can I? Can I?' Jane asked, shaking his brother awake from a deep slumber on his bed. Gun groaned draping his blanket over his head. It's too early for her to pester him on a non-working holiday. He turns around completely ignoring her whines. 

'P' come on, they're going to leave in an hour and a half and I need to start freshening up if you're going to let me go.' 

Gun peeks from his blanket, shooting his sister a glare before sitting up on his bed. His hair's a mess and his face puffy due to the ramen noodles he ate last night with Off in 7/11. 

'Where are you going again?' He yawns, stretching out his arms, gently vibrating due to the pressure he wants to release. 

Jane rolled her eyes to her brother, grabbing a pillow and smashing it to her brother's head.

Gun laughs before nodding, 'Okay fine, you can go with them, but you know the drill.' he raises his eyebrow at her. 

'Yeah yeah whatever I'll be back before ten tonight' She promised nonchalantly, completely forgetting Gun as she leaves the room. 

'As you should' Gun hollered at her before the door completely closes. 

He sighed falling back onto his mattress, he lets the duvet envelop his small figure, closing his eyes he hums. 

Since the day that their mom kind of lost it, he took all the responsibility into looking out after Jane, even to times like this, where she needs to find consent into going places or doing things.

Gun acted as her guardian even on time where he needed one too. 

After a few minutes of just plain existing and stretching around, Gun decided to go downstairs to get himself some breakfast since he doesn't really have something important to do today. He opened the fridge to see what he can have when someone spoke behind him. 

'You don't have any classes today?' His mom asked, Gun nodded without looking back at her.

It's a miracle she's not drunk at this early in the morning but Gun decided it's not worth paying that much attention to, he knows she'll probably have her friends over later today. 

He took the orange juice setting it down on the table before getting a glass to drink it with. 

'So how was school?' His mom asked, making him want to roll his eyes. 

It irritates him every time she pretends that she cares about them, when she continues on wasting her life away. 

'It's fine, I guess' Gun shrugs once more. 

'Well, I still think that you should have taken up a business course, I think it would help you more in the future rather than this' She commented and it took Gun all his might not to scream at her. 

This is unfair, she doesn't get to comment like this in his life anymore, she lost that privilege the moment she picked up the first bottle of alcohol that got her into this mess. 

She doesn't have the rights. She left them all alone when they're both too young to even figure out life on its own. She may have been physically in here for all those times, but she mentally and emotionally withdrawn years ago.

She doesn't get to control his life anymore. 

He won't let her. 

Gun was about to reply throwing all the rationality out of the window when he was interrupted by someone outside their house. 

'Jinmanee! Come on! I want to start the game na!' One of his mom's friends called making his mom stand up from her seat across from him going directly on their front door, greeting her friends. 

Gun lets out the breath he wasn't aware he was holding, completely disregarding the drink he got from earlier before heading upstairs to take a bath and get out of this house.

* * *

'Honey, don't let her get into you. I personally think you'll get places with this college program of yours and your talent' His auntie Ladda told him, settling a hot cup of cocoa at the center table in front of him. 

'It's just unfair you know? I hate it when she thinks that she still has control over some parts of our lives when she clearly abandoned us years ago' Frustration crosses Gun's face as he reaches out to the mug on the table, blowing on it before sipping some.

'Well she still is your mother, no matter she did.' Aunt Ladda raises her eyebrows at him, sitting down on the sofa in front of him. 

'It sure doesn't feel like it' He rolls his eyes, making his aunt sigh.

'Gun sweetie, I know you’re upset and I understand you, really, I do, but please just have some patience with your mother.' She tried to explained seeing how upset and frustrated Gun is. 

'It won't kill her to act like a parent once in a while and I'm not asking for a perfect parent, I just want someone who's present, someone who’s mentally and emotionally available, especially with Jane' Gun answered, combing his hair back with his fingers.

'I know, I know, it really is hard to forgive when you were asked to carry all the burden at a young age. Out of all people I think It’s safe for me to say that I do understand you and you know that, but please at least try.' 

'Have you?'

'Have I what?'

'Have you forgiven her?'

'I did and let me tell you this, it was the best decision I ever made in my life' 

* * *

**_15 years ago_ **

_'You knew and you didn’t tell us? H-how how could you?' Ladda's voice cracked as she looks at the woman in front of her, cradled by his twin brother, crying on her knees._

_'I-I... I didn't have the courage to do so' Jinmanee balled, stuttering as she tries to explain her side._

_Right at this moment everything is a blur to Ladda except her anger towards the people in front of her and her anger towards herself._

_She hates how she can't control her emotions right now looking at Janimanee, she hates how her brother chose to stick by her even through what happened._

_She could feel the heat rushing up to her face as she tries to conceal her scream as she replies._

_'How could you just let her die? How could you show your face in here when you just let her die?! Just like that.' She couldn't help the tears running down her face as she forgets where she was for a moment._

_It's the last day of her daughter's funeral and this woman in front of her just told her that she knew about it even before it happened._

_At first Ladda had a hard time picking up onto what she was trying to say but seeing her brother’s serious face she knew that it was real._

_'I-i thought.. I thought that you w-wouldn't believe me'_

_'How could you! You don't get to decide that. You don't get to decide for me! You don’t get to assume on what things I would believe or not. You don’t get to not try.' She finally screams, she couldn't hold herself back anymore. She feels her husband's hand on her shoulder, squeezing._

_Her knees buckling due to the fact that there might have been a chance to save her daughter but now they don't._

_'You knew, by the way, you knew that she was our only chance into getting a child’ She continues, her voice lowering as her energy started decreasing._

_When no one around them made a move or spoke, she continues._

_'Please just get her out of here' She spats looking at her brother, almost begging him to get this woman out of the place. Her twin brother nodded, guiding his wife out._

_Once they were gone her knees gave out as she whimpers._

_Anything would have been better than this,_

_anything._

_Even if that's random number popping out above people's head._

_She would have believed it and she would have saved her child._

* * *

**~~65 days~~ **

Mild opened the door of their clinic as the group decided to do more test shots and also shoot their film posters today, with them are the actors they recruited to act as the characters Nanon and Chimon, making the space a tiny bit tighter than when it did the first few times they went here. 

Gun is almost fifty percent done with his script so they would probably be able to shoot some of the scenes in the upcoming days to save up time. Gun looked around before he spots Tay playing around with the camera while New stands in front of it setting up the background and the lights that they will use with the others. 

Gun peeked over Tay's shoulder before he spoke startling Tay in the process.

'You know they say that those whom you photograph more are the ones you like the most, let me see that' Gun teased reaching out for the camera on Tay's hands. Tay immediately raised it above his head making it harder for Gun to reach. 

'Come on Tay, you're making it too obvious that I'm right' He jumps reaching for it once again, but to no avail he fails each time. 

Tay smirks sticking his tongue out when the camera was suddenly snatched from him by another person.

'Hmm let me see' Off said, now looking through the photos taken earlier today, 'Dude you're using up the batteries just to take pictures of New? Come on man I thought you were better than this' He exclaimed for everyone to hear. Gun makes his way besides Off to look at the photos Off was referring to. 

'Look at New blushing right now' Gun added up, laughing with Off, making New roll his eyes at the both of them. 

'I hate it when you two gang up on us' Tay shook his head turning his attention to other things leaving both Off and Gun snickering with each other. 

'Can I have it?' Gun asks Off, reaching out for the camera. 

'I don't know, can you?' Off answered raising up the camera like what Tay did earlier but higher because he's a bit taller than his friend. 

'I don't know, can you?' Gun repeated, mocking Off before making a face at him. Off chuckles before giving in, handing the object to Gun.

The set is almost done and to be honest it's not half bad, for college students to make it look like an asylum Gun thinks they did a pretty good job. Plus, they can elevate it with the angles of the camera and the editing anyways. He peeps onto the view finder of the camera taking pictures of everyone, for their behind the scenes documentation. 

'You're mocking me into taking pictures of New when you clearly found your favorite subject' Tay said making everyone look at them for a moment. Gun could feel his cheeks heating up as he realized that he was pointing his camera directly at Off. 

'Shut up, I'm taking pictures of everybody'

To his defense, he was taking pictures of everyone, it just happens that he took more pictures of Jumpol. 

That's it.

Right?

Gun dismissed that thought before looking back on the view finder. He pointed the camera elsewhere so that the others won't make fun of him. He took a couple more photos when suddenly it happens. 

Numbers appeared on top of Off's head, thankfully he was looking at Off when it happens, saving him from seeing the others. 

He looks down at the ground immediately, avoiding looking at people's head and excusing himself to got to the bathroom. 

Fuck.

Why does this have to happen to him out of all people?

Why does he have to see other people's time of date and time of death,

_~~and why can't he see his own?~~ _

He sighed, looking directly at himself in the mirror at the bathroom. Washing his face, waiting for a couple of minutes, before going back as if nothing happened.

As if he wasn’t just reminded of Off’s numbers.

**65\. 3. 12**

* * *

**_16 days ago_ **

' _Can you put your nasty ass feet away from my covers?' Off said, swatting his friend's feet, before patting his bed to sweep some dirt residue from it. He scrunches his nose looking at his annoying friend scrolling through his phone._

_He plopped down on his bed next to Tay who is now looking through some photos of what he thinks is the reason why he's friend is now constantly staying in his room._

_'Is that him?' He asked pointing at the man in one of the photos._

_'Yup' Tay answered nonchalantly, scrolling through some more._

_That's when Off saw him, the guy he has been thinking about for a couple of days now._

_'Wait, go back' Off asked when Tay passed by that particular photo already._

_'What? Why?' Tay asked before complying to his friend's request._

_'That!' Off shouted pointing at the man._

_'That's him'_

_'Who? Gun?'_

_'That's the guy I've been telling you about' He explained. Tay's eyes widened as he realized what Off was talking about._

_'He's the 82 days?!' Tay asks growing pale in each moment, before Off nodded back at him._

_'Yes, He's the guy I run into a couple of days ago. Yes, he's 82 days guy._

_'Fuck,' Tay pulled his own hair, sitting up, looking back at Off. It took take a couple more breaths before he found the right words to say._

_'We need to stop it' He said sternly which makes Off nod once more._

_They both look at the picture once again, zooming in on Gun's face._

_'Poor guy, He has no idea of how much time he has left.' Off thought to himself._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I noticed that the part of Tay and Off at the last part of this chapter might resemble a small part in CYEAKM (by the author darlingjongin) when they were also scrolling through photos, I promise that it was unintentional :)) and if you guys noticed any grammatical errors I promise that I'll try to proofread this as soon as I can, Good day and Thank you~~


	11. Chapter 11

_‘Dude, are you sure about this?’_

_‘I thought we agreed that we wouldn’t let that happen again?’_

_‘But don’t you think it’s more suspicious and a little creepy that a random guy from another university suddenly joins your fucking school project?’ Off looks at his friend dumbfounded on their so-called “plan”._

_‘Well I don’t see you making up plans.’ Tay answered putting his hands on his hips, raising his eyebrow at his friend before continuing, ‘Plus, you are not just some random dude from the street we’ve been friends for god knows how long, let’s just say that we need help and you just happen to be free that’s it. Not this number thing.’_

_Off sighs at his friend's attempt into convincing him. At the back of his mind he knows that Tay is right, no matter how many times he thinks about it, he couldn’t come up with a plan to help this guy, Gun._

_Ever since he explained everything to Tay a few years back; the numbers, the deaths, this fucking curse, they both thought that it’s better to try and stop it rather than pretending that it’s not real._

_because it is,_

_and that is the sad truth that Off has to deal with ever since this started happening. He didn’t really want to say anything to Tay at first, he doesn’t want to pull his friend down his own path of misery, but it doesn’t feel right to hide it, especially when it includes Mek._

_He tested it._

_He tried to convince himself that there is no way, that life is just so fucked up, that it would give him this._

_This rope that is tied to his ankle, tightening every time he tries to move, like a snake who found its prey,_

_This wave of guilt rushing towards him in his every day,_

_This “gift”._

_To see if it’s true, as gruesome as it is, he tested it with other people. To clueless strangers and mere acquaintances. Would you blame him? He just wanted to see if there’s a chance that his brain is just making things up._

_After Mek, there was the old lady living by the corner of their street, then the guy selling newspapers near the local bakeshop, and then most recently the student council secretary, he saw all of those numbers and he didn’t do anything about it._

_He was numb._

_His conscience is ice cold as he thought that there is nothing he could do but wait. Maybe if he just waits and let things pass then maybe it would be over soon._

_But now that he thinks about it, there is no way to win with this thing. If he happens to be wrong, then he must also accept that he’s going insane, but when he proves his sanity then he just proves that he let those people die when he could’ve helped._

~~_He could’ve at least tried._ ~~

_‘There is no winning, just a spiral of regrets and shame sprinkled with guilt’ He thought to himself._

_For him, there is just something icky with intervening with life and time and all this shit, Off is pretty sure that it will come and bite him in the ass sooner or later._

_The universe must have hated him in his past life for all of these to happen to him, if reincarnation is even real, or if anything is, really._

_He lost track of it._

_What’s real or not._

_The truth seems vague and pretentious, maybe that’s why he likes researching about these theories that seems far-fetched, searching for answers he knows a mere human wouldn’t be able to get. That is why he thought that its better to just let things harden his judgement and cloud his morality, making him try really hard to ignore the guilt that has been eating him up every night as he attempts to close his eyes and sleep._

_His feet has been dragging him towards the Chinese cemetery for this exact reason; a reminder that this is life and it’s not his fault that these things happen to most people._

_He is not at fault._

_He refuses to be._

_He thought that turning a blind eye is the best option for him and his peace of mind, but there is just something with this guy, Gun._

_When Off saw him and his numbers for the first time, he seems unworthy of those numbers._

**_82\. 03. 45_ **

_It feels wrong._

_Something down Off’s stomach doesn’t sit well with the idea that a guy that radiates hopeful energy even when surrounded with tons of people has his days numbered for him. So, even when it’s against his promise to himself that he would wash his hands clean, he couldn’t help but try for Gun._

_He is aware that there is a lack of good things in this world and for him ,without knowing the guy for even just a second, he knows that Gun is one of those good things._

_He just feels it._

_And he couldn’t stand seeing the world lose another good thing, not anymore._

_He tried to bump into Gun thinking of a way to start a conversation or to try and do something about it but he chickened out the moment that the other one sets his eyes on him._

_Gun looks more alive than the people he encounters every day and for a moment it paralyses him. He couldn’t say anything but the words ‘I’m sorry’ before running away from Gun, like what he does to most of his problems._

_Maybe he is nothing but a coward with a strong façade._

_‘Peng, you know I wouldn’t force you to do anything that makes you super uncomfortable, and I’ll respect you no matter what your decision is, but let me just ask you for a favor, can you at least think this through and somewhat consider it?’ Tay asked besides him, making him look back at his friend. He totally forgot where he was for a moment._

_He took breath, looking inside the café where they were supposedly meeting Gun and the other guy, New, for the first time to talk about the “project”._

_‘Let’s try’ He said before opening the door, the warm ambiance embraces him as he lets go of all of his inhibitions._

* * *

~~**62 days** ~~

‘Okay let’s move on to the next one, you were walking in a forest then suddenly you found this suspicious box just, you know, lying there. You opened it and you saw a million-dollar cash, on top of it is a note stained with blood telling you to run, would you get the money or close the bag and ignore it?’ Mild asked chewing on a piece gum loudly.

‘I would take the money then run, duh.’ Arm answered confidently, leaning back on his seat.

It has been five minutes since they started playing this game of hypothetical questions. The group just finished planning their shot-list for their film as they decided to take a break and eat some snack before continuing, Tay on the other hand suggested that they should play this game of hypothetical questions to ease their minds for a moment.

‘That’s how people die Arm’ New interfered, shaking his head.

‘No, that’s how stupid people die, not me, I’m not stupid’ Arm shakes his head smirking cockily at them.

‘How about you Tay?’ Mild asked, looking at Tay who has been sitting with his legs crossed this entire time.

‘I would probably do the same thing as Arm’ He answered high-fiving Arm before he continues, ‘If hypothetically there is indeed a note that says “run” on top of the cash, then we can assume that my life is already in danger, whether or not I’m taking the box of money, so might as well take my chances and risk it’

‘Dumbass’ New said under his breath, Off chuckles at New’s remark sipping on his can of soda that formed a circle of water residue on top of the table between them as soon as he lifted it.

‘Okay, how ‘bout this one, if you get to choose between fifty years of being incredibly happy or to live forever but be unhappy. What would you choose?’ Tay asked munching on the dried squid they bought from earlier. New clears his throat before answering.

‘Wow that’s really original, right, buddy?’ Mild jokes, earning a glare from Tay.

‘I would want to know what it feels like to live forever, enabling me to experience a lot of thing, thus, making me happy in the process’ He shrugs placing his hands on his thigh.

‘Really? You just said that I was a dumbass and your answer is this?’ Tay rolled his eyes while New makes a face at him.

‘I just don’t want to live short and not experience things that I should have’

‘But fifty years of absolute happiness is more than enough comparing to an extended life span’

Gun chuckled at the sight of the two arguing, after being confused with what they feel about each other, they are now officially back with their bickering agenda. Making Gun smile for a moment, he likes seeing the both of them hide their feelings with this exterior.

‘I’m with Tay on this one,'Off suddenly say, sitting on the bean bag chair, catching the attention of the group. 'Living a short but happy life is far better than living a long but dragging days’ He continues.

Gun ignores the tugging feeling he got from Off’s last statement, like he has been doing for most of the days he’s with Off. Ignoring the fruit of knowledge, he unfortunately bit into a couple of weeks ago.

‘Okay this, if you get a chance to be a superhero, which of your friends would you choose to be your sidekick and what would your respective powers be?’ It’s Arm’s turn to ask.

‘Okay first of all, bold of you to assume that I would pick one of you guys. Second, I would probably have like a duplicating power which will enable me to multiply myself so that I won’t need help from you guys’ stupid ass’ Mild answered making the group laugh, somehow, they decided to just stick with that answer and move on to another question.

Maybe most of them have the same thing in mind. 

But if Gun were to choose, he would have chosen Off. Out of all the people in the group, his best friend included, Off seems to be the most rational and strong for Gun. He couldn't help but smile at the thought of him and Off trying to fight crimes and saving people. 

He decided to keep the thought to himself and ask another question to divert the topic and mostly himself from thinking too much of the tall guy.

‘We are stuck in an elevator and there is no way, and I mean no way, to come out for the next five weeks. New suddenly passes out in the corner while Mild is in the brink of dying, whom would you choose to eat first and why?’ Gun asked smirking at the others.

‘I would want to eat New first, with my will to live aside, New seems like the best option for all of us. He’s bigger, and obviously that body of his would probably last us for a couple of days. Plus, he looks more appetizing than me to say the least’ Mild answered, raising her hand in the process.

‘Okay no, I am opposing that Idea. You are in the brink of dying while I just passed out, there is a higher possibility for me to live than you.’ New shrugs but before he continues his argument Arm decided to butt in.

‘The best answer would be either, because we would probably end up eating you both anyways’

Gun chuckled at that, they really are comfortable with each other.

They went on and on for a couple more minutes, asking out of the blue questions to each other and answering in the most rational way they could think of. Gun looks at everyone with amusement as he realizes that he is indeed surrounded by people with the same wavelength as him.

‘You wake up and suddenly there’s this book lying on a table in the middle of the room, it’s shining and very compelling to read, you opened it and the first thing that you noticed is that, it’s a book written about your life, you looked at the last page only to see that it is finished. Would you look at the remaining pages to know what would happen or would you close it and ignore?’ Mild asked finally.

The room went quiet for a moment, some are thinking of what to answer while some are thinking of their or their friend’s situation.

‘I don’t think knowing would do me any good, so I’ll burn it.’ Gun answered making other’s who has no idea of his situation laugh, but New knows otherwise, so he looks back at his friend sighing when he heard bitterness dripping from its tongue.

‘One of the few things we get to enjoy in life is its anonymity, once we lose that there really is no fun left’ He continues, more to himself than unto others.

He looks at his side only to see Off staring back at him, looking like he’s deep within his own thoughts.

Gun looks back in front of him not thinking much into Off's dazed expression as his mind went on towards the things he would choose not to know, if he was only given the chance.

* * *

_The blue and red lights from the ambulance blinded Gun as he tries to open his eyes. His vision is blurry due to the impact he got from the crash. A loud eerie noise echoed in his ear._

_He tried to move his little limbs only to be restricted by the weight pressing down on him. He groaned, feeling an open wound on his left knee and a deep cut on his right elbow._

_‘We got a movement from the boy’ He heard from the muffled voices outside._

_‘Quick and get him out of there’ another one commanded._

_He tried to look besides him, but to no avail he couldn't move his neck._

_‘Dad?’ His voice cracked as he couldn’t seem to get himself to speak._

_He tried to remember the events from earlier. He was with his dad on the beach, celebrating his birthday._

_The damp sand_

_The crashing waves_

_And the numbers on top of his dad’s head._

_His eyes are heavy and his breath uneven. He couldn’t get himself to stay up for much longer as he heard a distant voice._

_‘We got no pulse on this one’_

_He closes his eyes letting the darkness engulf him and the voices around him fade._

* * *

**~~60 days~~ **

'Wow, I didn't know a place like this exists here in the city' 

'I know, I was surprised too' 

Gun looked at the old building in front of him, from the looks of it, it was abandoned probably even before he was born. Plants are starting to grow in the side exterior of it, making it look like it was from one of the Jumanji movies. Off suggested that instead of the cemetery, they should go and explore this place for a change, saying that he saw it last month but he hasn't really gotten the chance and the time to actually explore it. 

It was farther than the cemetery or Gun's usual place, they even rode a taxi just to get here, so they'll probably go here just this once. Gun looks around the building, it looks like one of those old structures that have great foundation, that probably is the reason why it is still standing firm up to this day. 

'This would be a great place to go to to shoot some fillers for a movie, maybe not the one we're doing right now but maybe for another movie' Off commented grabbing his phone from his back pocket to use the flashlight. Its dark outside, seeing that its already eight in the evening but that didn't stop them from going through with this little adventure. 

'Are you sure we wouldn't get in trouble for this?' Gun asked, lifting the rope at the entrance over his head to completely step inside the building.

'You've asked that question even with the cemetery, do you think we would get in trouble now?' 

'Uhm yes' He answered the obvious, looking at the empty rooms inside. The place is huge but a strong vibe of familiarity radiates from it, it looks like an old hospital or maybe even a school, it also looks like a place that will have strict security making him more nervous with every step that he takes.

'We'll be out soon anyways, I don't think anyone's going to notice our presence' Off pointed out walking beside him. 

They walk deeper into the interior of the building, commenting on the shots they think would be appropriate with every corner of it, when something from a distance made a noise. Gun felt something grip his forearm making him flinch before he looks back, only to see Off's right hand on it. He looks up at Off, laughing to see the wide eyes staring back at him and the gaping lips that is now turning pale. 

Off cleared his throat before he lets go of Gun. The warmth of his touch immediately leaving Gun's arm, oddly making Gun want to whine or grab it back. 

'Sorry I get easily startled' Off stated, standing straight before going back on his way, this time a few steps ahead of Gun with his chest puffed up from fake courage. Gun laughs even harder as he sees Off figure retreating towards another room of the building. 

'Well, that's a sight I don't get to see everyday' He teased, following close behind with an amused grin on his face. 

They explored it for a couple more minutes before getting out and heading their way home. 

They went home without bothering to know the name of the building that is hidden somewhere in front, deep behind some shrubs and cow webs.

~~**GMEM ASYLUM** ~~


	12. Chapter 12

'Where were you?' 

Gun heard his mom ask when he was almost done taking off his shoes at their front door, he looks down at his watch, seeing that it's quarter before eleven, dang they might have lost track of time when him and Off decided to eat late dinner at one of the only shops they saw open at this time of the day before going home. The place served a decent Moo bing and Khao pad, which Off and him enjoyed feasting on. 

Lately, it has been kind of a habit for them to grab some food before going straight home, which Gun doesn't mind at all. He's pretty sure that he won't have anything else to eat at home anyways seeing that his mom stopped bothering to cook for almost a decade now. 

He also enjoys Off's company, it never fails to make him laugh seeing Off's reaction when he started teasing. You'll know when Off are getting embarrassed when his ears started turning read, his eyebrows shooting up, and his mouth blabbering on irrelevant things. It's his way of attempting to divert the attention. Tonight, Gun's attempt into annoying Off centered on the way Off grabbed him as soon as he heard something inside the building that they went into that was probably caused by the wind. 

Gun don't think he'll be able to forget Off's face at that moment, it was priceless. He makes his way towards the living room trying to contain his thoughts about Off as much as he can.

'I was out from a wal-' He didn't get the chance to ask as to why the sudden concern, when he sees Jane with her arm tied into one of those arm sling bandages with an evident bruise forming on her left cheek, sitting on one of their sofas. 

Gun immediately makes his way towards his sister, who clearly went into a lot of troubles, he touches Jane's bruising cheek making her flinch a little. Gun tried to catch her gaze but she's clearly avoiding his. He clicked his tongue examining the bruise.

'What the fuck happened to you?' He asked, raising his voice. His protective side showing. 

'They pulled a prank on me and-' 

He didn't let his sister finish her sentence as he continued asking, 'A prank?! You call this a prank?!', he looks back at the bruise on her sister's cheeks one more time, it is now turning red indicating that it is fresh, he shook his head, he's pretty sure that tomorrow it would turn purple and black. 

'Well no one wanted this to happen-' 

'You got that right' he intervened once again, earning a sigh from Jane. How could he not be fuming when he sees her sister in this state and at this hour? He raises his eyebrow at her looking for more bruises on her body, which he hopes he won't spot anymore, but just to make sure he scans her from head to toe. 

He sighed scratching the back of his head, 'Jane, this is not okay. Why did you let them do this to you?' His voice turning soft. It hurts him every time he has to scold Jane on things she couldn't control. 

And a part of him feels guilty with how things went, because of course he was the one who gave permission to Jane to join her friends and now she's in this state, but Gun doesn't really want to hold her back from experiencing things, especially with her age. He wants her to feel safe with him and to know that he trusts her so much to let her do things like what her peers are doing. 

He wants Jane to experience her youth, fully.

It may seem reckless for some but he thinks that it's a great addition into her character development, but not when these things happen. 

At times like this, there is no doubt that he is a brother and a parent to Jane. He can feel his heart sinking as he looks at her clothes that are now covered in mud, he doesn't know what happened completely but just thinking about it makes his blood boil.

'You shouldn't have let her go in the first place' His heart stopped beating for second after he heard a raspy smoker voice from behind him, he looks back at Jane who is now looking at him with a cautious expression.

She knows what her brother is thinking and she knows that it's not going to be pretty once he let go of the frustration he has been trying to keep in all this time.

This is the last thing they need right now. 

He turns his head towards their mom whom, this entire time, just kept on looking at them without uttering a word. 

'What?' He tried to conceal the anger rushing towards him, he looks at her directly in the eyes. 

Maybe it's just his subconscious making a villain out of his mom, but he couldn't see any sign of anything in his mother's eyes. Gun could almost feel tears threatening to form on the side of his eyes as he thought of one thing that he tried to ignore these past few years. 

_'It's very evident that she died with him.'_ He thought to himself.

His mom died with his dad.

Maybe not physically but her essence left with him. 

That is why, no matter how hard they try to understand her or to wait for her they just couldn't get her back, because what's the point of trying to bring back the thing that has been fleeting away for almost nine years. 

'I mean, why would you let her go when you weren't sure of where she was going? That is just a stupid thing to do and you know it, where were you anyway?' She asked, almost monotonous. Her face completely blank. Gun tried so hard to read her but like all the other times, he just couldn't. 

'How about you? Where were you?' Gun asked not being able to conceal his true feelings about this. He looks at Jane who is now looking down on the floor beside him, before looking back towards their mom,

if they could even call her that. 

When she didn't respond, he took it as an opportunity to continue, letting out the thoughts that have been hunting him for as long as he can remember.

'No, not past tense, where are you? Mom. Right at this moment where are you? because honestly, we have no fucking idea anymore' He spat, putting air quotations on the word mom as he goes. Letting go of all the things holding him back, not giving a fuck about his language or how it may come across. 

He needed this. 

Even with the bitterness coming out of Gun's mouth she remained vacant, which irritates Gun even more. There is something about this exterior of hers that drips with sarcasm. It's almost mocking them, making them feel unworthy of even just a simple emotion from hers, it fuels Gun's anger even more.

Part of him wants to provoke the woman in front of them to hopefully get something from her, even if it's just anger or annoyance. Gun wants something to remind him that she is present.

Something,

anything.

Gun swallowed the tension forming in his throat, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. Once again gathering up the courage to utter a word. 

'Look at you, a hollow shell, and you dare pretend to be a parent for the both of us? If you can't act as a parent, can you at least try to be a responsible adult, or even just a person?'

Gun felt Jane's fingers on his forearm, she grips him tighter with her free hand. His heat radiating onto her as he tries to calm himself down. 

'P'' Jane whispered besides him, her voice soft and calming. It would have worked to calm Gun down any other day but today it is different. 

This reality is the hardest one to swallow. 

Once again Gun tried to catch the attention of their mother or even just her gaze, but she avoided it after a second of feeling Gun's burning eyes on hers. 

'How stupid of us to think that there is actually more from you than this,' Gun sighs, 'But I guess here we are, I'm looking at you and all I could see is this, this cold empty shell. We're tired mom, we're tired of waiting' His voice cracked and he let things be. 

For him there is no thread left to pull, he sighed once again before smiling sadly at his sister. He brushed her hair away from her forehead before whispering, 'I'll be back, I just need to get some air' 

Jane nodded seeing him walk away and towards the door. 

'If it isn't because of you, he would have still be in here' 

That's the last thing he heard before he continued on his way with nothing but himself and a heavy heart

* * *

Gun felt the night breeze swift though his figure once again the moment that he takes in the familiar scene before him. The smell of freshly cut grass overtaking his senses as his vision becomes blurry by the tears at the corner of his eyes, making it hard for him to make his way towards their usual spot. 

Gun hopes that Off wouldn't get upset at the fact that he started referring to this place as "theirs", he hopes that Off understands his need for comfort that he ironically gets from this place. 

A few graves later and he arrived at the spot he has been longing for, even in days when he's not aware of it. 

To say that he was disappointed to see it empty would be an understatement, he doesn't really know why he somehow assumed that he'll see Off would laying on it, looking at the stars above like he doesn't have anything else to do but spend his time here. 

_'The company of Jumpol wouldn't hurt' right now, even his rowdy outbursts when explaining things seems more bearable than with how things are'_ he thought, sitting on the empty grave. The grass tickling his legs as he stretches them out in front of him, they are now back into their normal length after when he stopped pulling on them.

His mind wanders towards the place he used to go to, the one overlooking the city. He hasn't visited that spot for a while now and he's not sure if he still wants to.

As his mind traveled from thoughts after thoughts, he remembers his mom's eyes, he shudders after reliving that moment. Maybe leaving his sister with her right now, when Jane is obviously not in the best condition, is not the greatest idea out there, but earlier Gun couldn't think straight. 

At that moment when he felt that everything inside him was about to explode, escaping seemed ideal.

This is one of those times where he wants to pick himself first because being selfless for so long tires him out and it drained the hopefulness out of him. 

He lays the down on the grass, closing his eyes. After a few more deep breaths he found himself imagining Off's presence beside him, his heat radiating, and his breathing pattern loud enough for the both of them to hear. 

Loud enough to confirm that he is still here.

* * *

_T_ _he beeps from the monitor are the only thing Gun could hear from where he was laying at._

_Every inch of his body aches from what has happened from yesterday, even today everything is a swirl in his mind, he wanted to ask a question but he's too scared to get the answer that might prove that what he is now assuming is, in fact, true._

~~_Is he really gone?_ ~~

_He couldn't get himself to move but he tried his hardest to open his eyes. He heard rustling as soon as he did, indicating that someone is making their way towards him._

_He just stared at the blank white wall in front of him for a couple of minutes before someone came into the view._

_'P', How are you?' Jane started, trying to reach his bed because she's too young and too short to see her brother properly. Another figure joined her, looking down at Gun._

_Her eyes making Gun uncomfortable, which you wouldn't expect to feel from your own mother._

_'Jane let him rest' His mom commanded sternly._

_Gun, unable to move, just looks at her and her cold stare._

_That's when it started._

_That's when he knew that things are going to be different from now on._

* * *

Off couldn't get himself to sleep, he just spent his night with Gun and now all he could think of is the feeling of Gun's arm on his grasp. He tried to take his mind off of that tiny moment only to catch himself walking towards his favorite spot in the cemetery with his mind still revolving towards Gun and all things that reminded him of it.

Lately, he has been consistently fighting the thoughts consisting of the small guy that are trying to invade his peaceful mind. It must be because of their constant meet ups or their random conversations that helps put Off's mind at ease, but he couldn't seem to take a break from thinking about all the possibilities he could have with Gun. 

To be really honest, he enjoys being with Gun, because Gun seems to be very open towards Off's whirlpool of thoughts that might be weird for some people. Off couldn't help but smile on that thought, completely forgetting the reason unto why he even tried to start a conversation with Gun in the first place. 

Gun makes him want to express himself and say the things on his mind without trying so hard, 

Raw and vulnerable but light,

with Gun everything feels light. 

He's like a fresh little pocket of air for Off to breathe into. 

His thoughts came into an end when he saw the man of his thoughts lying down on the grass at his usual spot. 

He makes his way towards him without making a sound, planning on getting back at how Gun teased him from earlier but when he took a closer look, he saw tears streaming down at the side of its head. 

He didn't know how to react because now he feels like a creep, watching someone in the middle of an intimate moment, but he doesn't want to leave him alone either, so he cleared his throat hoping that the other one would take notice. He felt his breath getting caught up in his throat as he saw Gun's sad eyes looking up at him. 

His hands suddenly feel cold inside of the pockets of his hoodie as he sits down on the grass besides Gun. 

'Off' Gun whispered, not having the energy to hide his true emotions behind a mask.

~~But who cares? It's Off.~~

Off nodded, hoping that Gun would understand what he's trying to say, which is that it's okay and that he doesn't mind whatever it is. 

Thankfully Gun has the same sentiments as him, Gun took a deep breath before going on with what happened after they separated from earlier this evening. 

With no hesitations and no doubts.

Off tried to listen intently unto what Gun is saying, some parts aren't as clear as the other ones but he made sure to try and understand. He doesn't want to be a hypocrite with Gun's situation because he grew up with a very loving family and there is no way that he'll experience these kinds of things that Gun experienced, so he just listened without saying a word, hoping that his presence is enough for Gun. 

Now thinking about it, he doesn't have that much in common with Gun, they don't have the same struggles.

~~Gun doesn't have this curse.~~

But they try to fill those things up with understanding.

Off made sure that Gun is through with his rants before he tried to say a word, trying to lighten up the other's mood, 'So I guess earlier wasn't goodbye after-all?' He jokes making Gun look at him trying to figure a smile. 

'How about this? We make a pact onto doing things that we've always wanted to do and we'll try to do those things so that you'll have more reasons to get out of that house' Off wiggled his eyebrows at the guys beside him. 

Off suggested this with more reasons in mind, ~~with Gun's nearing death, this is the least he could do.~~

'A bucket list? Seriously?' Gun raised an eyebrow at him. 

'Okay fine, we'll call it, a list of excuses Gun and Off will use to forget about all the fucked-up things in life' 

'A mouthful, I see. How about, Off and Gun doing random dangerous shit that might get them into trouble but fuck it, right?' 

'Oh, Oh I have good one, Off and Gun fun night?'

'Nah I think we can make it longer, how about...'

They spent the remaining hours throwing entries of what they should call it and without realizing it Gun doesn't feel even as half of the shit he felt from earlier. 


	13. Chapter 13

**OFF AND GUN list of excuses to say "fuck it" and wander around; NOT A BUCKET LIST **

**OFF**

  1. ~~Visit the abandoned building in the nearby town~~
  2. Get a Tattoo
  3. Get to see the band, Three Man Down, perform live



**GUN**

  1. Get to visit a waterfall; swim in it 
  2. Adopt a rescue animal
  3. Win at least something related to script writing



* * *

**~~57 days~~ **

'So, when are you planning on telling me?'

'Tell you what?'

'The thing with you and Off' 

New looks down at his friend hunch over its favorite corner of the room, arranging Jenga blocks for the both of them to play with. He wasn't planning on asking, but it's getting really annoying that it's very evident between the two that there is something going on between them. If they're going to hide something at least do it better. When Gun started rambling from earlier it slipped that he has been spending time with Off for weeks now and he told it with too much enthusiasm for it to be nothing. 

There's nothing wrong with taking their time to figure things up, but New still wanted to try and encourage his best friend to face whatever this is. He wanted Gun to know that there is nothing to be scared of, if ever his hunch is indeed correct.

New shakes his head, sitting down in front of Gun once it was done arranging the blocks. 

'Gun, everyone can see it, and base from your stories it looks like you got it bad. There is no shame in telling, you know?' New confronted, pulling a block from the tower in between them. 

'What is there to tell anyway?' Gun sighs, also pulling a block from the Jenga tower. 

'I don't know, maybe you could start with what you feel about him' New stopped his hand from pulling another one on the side, tilting his head on Gun. 

'How do you even know?' Gun asked, a little too shy to say it out loud.

'Know what?' 

'That you like someone with the same... you know' Gun looks flushed, his hand quivering, making the tower sway a little. 

'Someone from the same gender?' He asks, leaning back with his hands placed on the floor

Gun nodded. 

Being friends for so long, they never, even once, had the chance to talk about this topic. They never really thought of it as a big deal. For New, it is important to know and understand oneself, and that includes this, but he never really gave importance onto what other people might say about it. 

He doesn't want to label himself or contain himself in a box of tags pointing arrows at himself and his sexuality, in fact, if it wasn't for his parents he wouldn't have came out, he would have just showed up with a boyfriend. 

He grins at Gun who looks shyer in contrast of who he is on a daily basis. 'Well for me, it was when I started liking that guy in our ICF class in freshmen year, what was his name again?' New looks up for a moment, trying to remember the guy's name, 'Oh right, Lee? If I remember it clearly. Do you remember him?' 

Gun nodded, remembering the guy he worked with for one of their school productions. 

'Yeah I remember him, the guy with a cute smile and fluffy hair that every couldn't shut up about' 

'They're not wrong though,' New pointed out smiling before he continues, 'He's so cute especially in Freshmen night, God he looked so hot. I wonder how is he today after transferring back into their province.' New rambled, reminiscing his first official guy crush and taking his turn with the blocks. 

They took a couple more minutes into playing, reaching the point where the tower is getting wobblier at any second. 

New sighed, 'Gun, there is no rush and I don't want you to think that other people are pressuring you into this,' He paused for a moment looking up at Gun, making sure the other is getting his point clearly as he continues,

'but I guess all I want to say is that, isn't it time for you to consider being upfront with your own feelings, or at least consider thinking about it? I guess this is one of the things you have to figure out alone, but no matter what your decision is, nothing will change anyways. You will still like the things that you like, do the things that you do, take the path that you were about to take. Trust me, I had doubts too. I thought that because it was such a major change in my life, that everything about me will change too, but nothing really altered as much as I thought it would be. I'm still me, except for the fact that I like boys now, actually I learned more about me, if that's even possible.'

Gun took a breath, acknowledging what his friend just said.

Is it that obvious?

Is it obvious that he started looking at Off differently than the way he looks at everyone else?

 _'Maybe it is time to confront myself about this'_ Gun thought to himself. Pulling out a risky block from the left side of the tower. 

_'But when I do like him, what then?'_ Gun pulled the block he has been trying to move this whole time, causing the whole tower to crumble.

He watches as the remaining blocks fall down on the hardwood floor, like his feelings pulling down on the pit of his stomach. 

* * *

**~~54 days~~ **

'Come on Off, show us!' Tay shouted. 

They decided to have lunch together before getting back into filming some filler shots for their film, when Tay suddenly remembered the dance that apparently Off used to do when they were still in High school.

'Shut the fuck up Tay' Off shot a glare at Tay sitting in front of him, throwing a carrot at his friend before going back at his food. 

'Off, what makes you think that we'll let you off the hook?' Arm asks, wiggling his eyebrows at Off before standing up.

'Everybody in favor of seeing Off roll that dad bod of his, raise your hand' Mild commanded, smirking. All the people sitting at their table raised their hands without a second thought.

'Okay fine,' Off rolls his eyes, 'I'll do it later, once we're not in a fucking fast food chain' He growled under his breath, looking around the room to see people pilling up, some children even running around the area.

'No, we want it now!' Arm protested going behind Off, pulling him from his seat. 'Now that I'm intrigued, no one can stop me into seeing it' Arm chuckles as he successfully pulled Off out and into his feet. 

'I fucking hate you guys' He cursed, smirking, it's evident that he's not really embarrassed nor annoyed by it. It took him a couple of seconds into preparing himself before he started doing body rolls and random dance moves, making the other laugh out loud. 

The laughter encouraging him even more, laughing at himself in the process and catching the attention of some people around them.

Gun touches his stomach that has been hurting from laughing too hard as he looks up at Off with no sign of embarrassment at all. 

He looks sloppy and awkward, but Gun couldn't make himself to look the other way.

Gun laughs, as he remembers the Jenga blocks crashing in front of him, this time along with the doubts stopping him from going all out with his own feelings.

* * *

**~~55 days~~ **

'What tattoo do you want to get?' Gun asks, sitting on the grass that is now probably imprinted with ass. 

'I want to have a simple Box right here' Off pointed at his left forearm. 

'That's it?' 

'Yeah, for my first tattoo, I think so.' Off shrugs, tracing his fingers on to the spot he wants to get tattooed.

'So, you're planning to have more?' Gun raises his eyebrows, patting the grass below him and not pulling on it like he used to do. 

'I don't know, depends on how it goes' Off looks down at Gun's hands. It got a lot gentler compared to when he first got here. 

Some might even say, calm and peaceful.

Gun nodded as an answer, encouraging Off to ask him this time. 'How about you? You don't want to get a tattoo?' Off titled his head as he watches Gun's face closely. His eyes wander from Gun's forehead to his eyes that are focused on the grass, his nose, then down to his lips that are slightly ajar. Off shook his head, dismissing his thoughts that might not be appropriate.

'I don't think tattoos are for me' Gun looks up meeting Off's eyes that were already staring at him. 

Off furrowed his eyebrows, 'Tattoos are for everyone' he stated, the corner of his lips turning upwards. 'If we're just brave enough to get out of the norms' 

'I guess you're right about that, if you think about it, tattoos are once part of the norms. For some people in the old times it even represented a lot' 

'Right?' Off agrees, nodding his head. 

'What will yours mean? The box, I mean.' 

'I guess, I just want it to remind me that the box that I am currently residing at is smaller than all the other possibilities out there, and that I shouldn't be contained.' 

'I think I've heard of that somewhere' Gun commented honestly, shifting his weight on his right hip. 

'You probably did, it's not my most original idea, but nevertheless I still want it tattooed on me. How about you, do you have any idea onto what you want to get tattooed on you if ever you decided to have one?' 

'I don't know actually, I haven't really thought about it.' He lies, he knows exactly what he would want to get, but he kept it into himself. 

_A window_

_A window overlooking the outside; into freedom_

* * *

**_INT. GMEM ASYLUM. NULL._ **

_The door creaks open, making Nanon look back. He once again saw the men who took him from last month. This is the only indicator he has that a month has now passed, since he first got here. Him and that guy, Chimon, haven't really talked that much, but on those rare moment of when they did, all they talk about is their plan into escaping once this day comes. Nanon doesn't want to fuck things up. He might not trust Chimon that much, but he wants to try even for just himself. Honestly, without this plan he doesn't really have anything else._

_The men who entered his room dragged him forcibly towards the hallway outside his room. He looks around for a minute, familiarizing himself into the interior of the building. It looks huge, making it hard for him to guess on which direction is the exit._

_He didn't make a move to try and pry himself from their firm grasps as he lets his feet get dragged towards what he assumes is the "box" that Chimon was talking about._

**_Chimon_ **

_Let go of me._

_Nanon tensed up as he heard the familiar voice of the man from next door when they turned the nearest corner_

**_Chimon_ **

_I said, let go of me!_

_Nanon continues to hear groans and protests from the other guy as they are getting nearer in every step_

_The men stopped dragging him, making him look up_

_That's when he saw him_

_~~again~~ _

_Chimon doesn't look anything close to what he was imagining while they were talking. He has gentle eyes and a small figure. He looks calm if you'll just ignore his screams of protest._

_Their eyes met and Nanon was reminded of something before he got completely dragged into a room with nothing but white walls._

_Chimon's eyes oddly reminds him of the small window at his room from before._

_His window that is overlooking the outside; into freedom_

* * *

**~~54 days~~ **

Off looks around the room, it is now officially their first day of shooting, everyone in the room is busy preparing but he couldn't help his wandering eyes into looking for a certain someone. 

He leaned on the wall when he spots Gun talking with Tay, discussing what he envisioned for the first scene. 

Lately he often finds himself, looking for the former, thinking of things they could discuss with each other and places the should go to. He smiled thinking of the time they went on the abandoned building and the way Gun inhaled the food they had before going home.

Maybe they should go back to that food stall

His thoughts were soon demolished as he sees Gun look towards the floor, excusing himself from the others and looking like his blood got drained from his face. This is now his second time catching Gun like this, he let the first one go because he thought Gun wasn't just feeling okay that time but today, something seems really wrong.

Something in his mind convinced him to go after the little guy, a sense of familiarity rushed towards him as he tries to follow behind.

He peeked at the gap by the door, checking if it was okay to intrude. He sees Gun panting, while washing his face with tap water. After a few seconds of contemplating, he decided that it was okay to go and ask, he knocked three times before opening the door completely.

Gun looked at him with a surprised look before he asks, 'Gun, are you okay?' 

An emotion flashes in Gun's eyes but Off couldn't get himself to figure out what that is as Gun spoke, 'I-it's, N-nothing' Gun stutters looking back at the sink. 

'Are you sure? You look like you're about to pass out' Off stated, referring to Gun's current state. 

'Yeah, I'm okay.' Gun answered, making Off nod his head. He was about to leave the room and wait outside when he heard Gun say something under his breath. 

_'You wouldn't believe me anyway'_

Off almost didn't catch what he was saying but fortunately he did, or he thought he does.

'What?' Off asks again, turning back to Gun, who is now slightly quivering.

'I-i said, y-you wouldn't believe me, even i-if I told you.'

Off thought of all the weird things he has to carry in life, there is no way it could get any weirder than everything that has happened to him so he asks once again. 

'Shoot' he said, encouraging Gun. 


	14. Chapter 14

Gun couldn't control his trembling hands and blabbering mouth from admitting the truth. Like word vomit it all spilled out the moment he saw Off's encouraging eyes. This is the most honest he's ever been for a short amount of time. All these years New is the only who knows about his condition and his friend earned that with a lot of years of being by his side, that's why he's not so sure as to why it was so easy for him to admit it to Off. 

Everything. 

Maybe not as concise and detailed but he started from the very beginning, rambling about the things he saw and regretted. He swallowed the lump forming in his throat as he looks up at Off, staring at him with an emotion he couldn't read. 

'I know it sounds crazy, and fuck, I don't know how to explain this to to you, but you can ask New and maybe that'll help you to understand this.' Gun explained, seeing Off's bewildered face. 

'I promise, I'm not making things up. I wouldn't do that I swear' He continued when he got no response from the other guy. 

'I know you won't' Off finally answered, almost like a whisper. Making the hairs from the back of his neck stand up. Those four words are exactly what Gun needs right now. Those four assuring words, and he believes it because it's from Off.

There is no reason to not believe, right? 

Gun sighs, putting all of his doubts aside, this feels like he just pulled a bad tooth that has been bugging him for a long time. It feels refreshing and somehow new to have someone who knows about his condition other than his friend New. He shifted his weight onto his right foot, looking down at the ground.

He knows that Off still have doubts deep inside his trusting facade. No one in their right minds would believe this at first try, not even New. Gun almost shook his head at the memory of his best friend taking almost a month to digest what he tried to reveal, at that moment he thought that he'd lost a friend. He was sure of it.

So, there's no way that Off would believe it right away.

'I know that you don't fully believe me yet and I am not asking you to, I-'

'I believe you.' Off plainly stated confusing Gun even more, he expected Off to ask him a lot of questions or to even immediately assume that he is either joking or just straight up lying, not this.

Not this calm state. 

Gun was about to ask when Off continued, 'In fact, I know you're telling the truth fully' He furrowed his eyebrows, tilting his head and looking back at Off with a huge question mark on his face.

Off didn't wait for a question before he answers.

'I know that you're not lying because I see numbers too' 

Gun felt his jaw drop with Off's last statement unraveling in his head. He might need a couple of minutes processing this so he asks again, confirming what he just heard. 

Off sighs, 'I know that you're telling the truth Gun, because I saw other people's time of death too.' 

_'Even yours’ Off_ thought to himself.

On the other hand, Gun doesn't know how to react or what to feel about this situation so he just thought of the thing that he could in fact do, he looks back at the door that is slightly ajar, closing it fully. Maybe this is not the right place or the right time for this but he couldn't wait any longer.

As the door closes, experiences and distant memories are spilled. 

* * *

**_INT. GMEM ASYLUM. NULL._ **

_It's been two days since their attempt into escaping, now they are back into their own individual cells. Nanon doesn't know what to say to the other guy as he squeezes himself into his favorite corner of the room._

_Are they going to try again?_

_Is there even a reason left to try again?_

_He sighs looking up at the ceiling, waiting for Chimon to spill their next move. Nanon scooted closer to the wall when he heard Chimon speak._

**_Chimon_ **

_We have to try again._

_Chimon stated firmly. Making his way over towards the wall, closer to Nanon._

**_Nanon_ **

_You saw what I saw. There is no way out, Chimon._

_Nanon could almost fell his breath hitch, he clicks his tongue, shaking his head._

_T ~~here is no point into trying now~~_

**_Chimon_ **

_I still remember the outline of this building, we can try. Nanon please. I don't want to leave you out here alone. Maybe if we try next mont-_

_Nanon interrupts._

**_Nanon_ **

_We don't have that much time and they probably did some alterations in this building thinking that we would probably attempt to escape, heck, we are not even sure where we are exactly. Chimon, they are one step ahead of us. They always are. If we attempted it one more time, we'll probably end up dead._

_Chimon paused for a moment sensing a different tone from Nanon. it's almost like defeat. He shifted his weight to his left hip, pressing his ear towards the wall._

**_Chimon_ **

_Why do I feel like you're already giving up on this? We can't stop now Nanon and you know that. We can't just let this be our reality._

_Nanon looks at the wall besides him as if he was really looking at the guy he's talking to._

**_Nanon_ **

_If we attempted it again, there's a higher a chance that we''ll get caught and around those times they'll probably not going to let us go easily._

**_Chimon_ **

_But why? Why won't we try? Don't you want to get out of here? Don't you want to be free?_

**_Nanon_ **

_I just... I just thought that maybe... Maybe we deserve this. You've said it yourself, we've done a lot of bad things Chimon. Maybe this is what is right._

**_Chimon_ **

_No. No Nanon, this is not right. We've only done those things because we were forced to do it._

**_Nanon_ **

_But we still did, Chimon. We still did._

_Ignoring Nanon's attempt to stop him from planning, Chimon went on and on with his escape plans with Nanon listening as quietly as he can. Absorbing every word that is leaving Chimon's mouth._

* * *

**_I_ ** **_NT. GMEM LABORATORY. TWO YEARS AGO._ **

_Chimon could still feel his pulse getting riled up as they look at their first patient sleeping soundlessly at one of their hospital beds. The regret getting into him with every second he thinks about._

_This is not right and he knows exactly why. There are laws in this world, spoken and unspoken, and every single one of those laws have a reasonable background as to why it was necessary to implement. Chimon knows that the flow of life is not to be messed with, but his hands are tied as he knows what these people can do to his life and his family._

_Now he is staring down at their first patient._

_He doesn't know exactly why they have to drag innocent people into this abomination but here they are, one patient down and two hundred and forty-five more to go. It started as a mere idea, like any other experiments are. An idea that people should be more capable than this. Than what we are today._

**_Nanon_ **

_We will scan patient 001 after the first day of consciousness, right now, I want you to observe any sign of movement from him and I want his records on my desk tomorrow morning._

_Chimon looks at one of his seniors, Nanon, ordering everyone in the room with them. Nanon is one of the people leading this project and if it weren't for him Chimon wouldn't have considered participating._

_Chimon knows Nanon._

_~~a mere stranger; is the truth~~ _

_He has been working with Nanon for almost a year and a half, and so far, he knows that Nanon wouldn't do stuff without thinking too much about it. He knows how Nanon thinks and he trusts Nanon's decisions._

_~~Maybe he shouldn't have~~ _

_When other people left the room, Chimon makes his way towards Nanon that is now crossing out things on his checklist. Nanon looks at him for a second before getting back on the thing he was writing on._

**_Nanon_ **

_Do you have the copy of this patient's consent form?_

_Nanon asked, side glancing Chimon. The patients consent forms are probably one of the most import thing for them. Why wouldn't it? When they are about to ruin these people's lives._

**_Chimon_ **

_Yes, I'll look into it tonight and then I'll put it on your desk tomorrow morning._

_Nanon nodded, turning his back to leave the room when Chimon spoke again._

**_Chimon_ **

_This is the first patient huh?_

_Nanon stop dead on his tracks, looking back at Chimon, he didn't have to answer as Chimon continues._

**_Chimon_ **

_Nanon I know you, and I know that you wouldn't want to hurt other people on purpose. These numbers Nanon, it will ruin the natural flow of the universe and I know, you know it. There are lines, lines we shouldn't cross, and I think this is one of those lines_

**_Nanon_ **

_But just imagine a world where people see things like this, or even calculate the death of the people around them, wouldn't that feel like we've got the whole world in our hands?_

**_Chimon_ **

_But this is hereditary Nanon, once we carried on with this, there is no turning back._

_This is not the same Nanon Chimon once knew. The eyes of the Nanon in front of him, is blank._

_Empty of remorse._

_Almost inhumane._

_This idea, once a theory shared by him and the guy in front of him, now conducted into months of experiments. If only Chimon could have just kept it into himself, things wouldn't have gotten this far_

_'What if people have the ability to see other people's time of death with numbers or dates? Don't you think we'll have more control over our lives?' Chimon's words from the past rung into his head._

_Words he would most likely carry for the rest of his life._

* * *

Gun took a deep breath, his hands shaking with every word that he types. This is the first time it hit him. He couldn't believe that all this time he was writing about this condition of his, really, all this time he thought he was just going along with what they have planned as group with just his own twist on it.

Maybe it was his subconscious getting the best of him, because he doesn't know where this idea came from. At first, he was just writing from scratch, making it up as he goes, almost like writing from a distant memory. 

He sighed looking at his laptop, now there really is no turning back as they are done with their first shooting. 

Maybe this is good. 

Maybe this could be a way of telling his own story and maybe he could use this to get in touch with other people like him.

_Like him and Off_

Even though everything he writes is purely fictional, he couldn't help but hope that maybe they are closer to the answer than they ever were. 

Gun could only dream.

He thought, as he continues to write some more. 

* * *

**_INT. GMEM ASYLUM. NULL._ **

_Chimon tried to fight his way out of the grip of the men around him. He's starting to believe that Nanon is right._

_They really don't have anything against these people._

_There really is no way out._

_The hands on his body feels heavier as they are getting closer into the box once again. Chimon wants to scream and break free, but the food they were getting for a couple of months now and his lack of sleep isn't enough to supply him with the energy he needs._

_He feels weak and useless; his weak arms are nothing compared to the buff arms dragging it. His feet almost lifting from the ground as they turn towards a corner of the hallway._

_That's when he saw him, Nanon, who was also surrounded with men, struggling to get out of their grasps._

_This is not the time of the month where they are going to get dragged towards the box. This is a lot earlier, meaning that they know._

_They know their plan._

_'They must have installed a bug on our rooms' Chimon thought to himself, it reminded him of what Nanon said to him a couple of days ago, sending shivers down his spine._

_~~"They are one step ahead of us. They always are."~~ _

_Chimon looks at Nanon, with flushed face from frustrations, his knees on the floor, shoulder pressed down by large and strong arms._

_Chimon couldn't hold it in any longer. They know anyways, so let him at least try._

**_Chimon_ **

_Nanon! Nanon, we have to do something now! They know! This is going to be our last chance. If you really want to get out of here Nanon we have to do it._

_Chimon exclaimed, more frantic that he intended it to be. His judgement is clouded with fear and urgency. He has no idea what will happen tonight, this might be the last time he'll be able to see Nanon._

_This might be his last night, generally speaking._

_Nanon didn't reply. Chimon continued._

**_Chimon_ **

_Nanon, please. We can't give u-_

_An applause from the distance interrupted him from screaming more things._

**_Wanchana_ **

_Award worthy right there_

_Wachana stated, making Chimon look back to his direction. Chimon could feel the walls closing in on him, seeing this man after a very long time. Nothing really changed from his appearance. He still has that disgusting smirk on his face, like when the moment their first patient showed a sign of success in their experiment. Chimon could feel fumes coming out of his ears with the sight of the man in front of his eyes._

_He wants to spit on the man's face after beating him up into a pulp._

_How can someone be so cruel?_

_He was about to protest when the man spoke once again, the words leaving his mouth discourage every fighting spirit left in Chimon._

**_Wanchana_ **

_You can drop the act now, Nanon, great job_

_Chimon felt his knees getting weaker as he allows himself to digest what he just heard, his eyes widened as he tries to swallow the truth being offered right in front of him._

_He slowly looks back at Nanon, afraid of what he will see, just to spot Nanon on his feet, brushing off his knees._

_Chimon could feel cold sweats running down his forehead._

_There was no bug in their rooms,_

_there were no cameras,_

_no devices into spying on them,_

_only Nanon._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I'm the bad guy, duh" (Nanon, 2020) hehe jk


	15. Chapter 15

~~**53 days** ~~

The concept of memories is vague. Gun refuses to believe that we have already explored it to its fullest. He wants to convince himself that there is a vulnerable spot in this concept, making memories easy to be tapped or manipulated.

Because, how can he even start to explain how easy it is for him to write about this story like it’s from a distant memory?

How can he explain the pull on his stomach as he feels for the characters, he’s making like it’s deeply rooted in nostalgia and faint whispers of the past?

Maybe he doesn’t have to have an answer.

Maybe he doesn’t need to know as to why him out of all people, like this “gift” of his.

Maybe he’s just called to tell their stories to other people, even if it’s mask with fiction.

He shook his head, looking straight into the scene in front of him. Too familiar to even observe.

‘When did you know that you can see it?’ He asked to the guy laying beside him, like he always does.

Closed eyes with arms folded below his head.

Off gently opens his eyes before answering, ‘I couldn’t remember exactly, but too young’

Gun couldn’t believe that he just told Off about everything,

_Well not everything, he left out Off’s numbers._

But everything besides that feels so light on his tongue while he was spilling it.

After that afternoon all he could think of is Off and all the questions running in his head, he still couldn’t believe that out of all the people he knew it was Off who is just like him.

_Figures._

They seem to share about the same views and place in life. Gun may have been clueless all this time but he doesn’t have any doubts when Off told him that he could also see the same.

‘But when did you know that it is real?’

‘After seeing for a couple of times on people around me, I figured that it’s either I’m going completely batshit insane or It’s true. Especially now knowing that there are other people like me only proves that I am not going crazy and that this is all real’ Off answered, sitting up straight.

‘Did you ever try to stop it?’ Gun asks once again, maybe this will convince him to tell Off about his numbers.

Maybe now that he knows that Off is going through the same thing, maybe Off would understand.

Out of all people, he must understand Gun the most, right?

‘I was young and most of those times I was too scared to even try to help’ Off looks down at the ground below him. A lot of questions running in his mind.

‘But right now? What will you do if you ever see the numbers above someone close to you?’

Off looks at gun directly in the eyes, he couldn’t bare talking with Gun about this and trying to pretend like he doesn’t know about Gun’s but he answered him anyways.

‘Right now, I am convinced that there is a reason as to why we have this, maybe if we looked at it as the universe way of giving people a second chance, maybe we could use this and take advantage of it’

‘We’re not super heroes Off, we don’t have a say in this’

‘We are far from being heroes, I know, but I couldn’t just run anymore. I’m tired Gun, I’m tired of being a coward that is why I will try and help when things like that happens again’ Off shrugs.

He couldn’t say it directly to Gun, but all he wanted to say is that, it is worth it to try for people, especially those close to your heart.

_That’s why he’s trying for Gun._

The moon shines over them as the only thing they could hear is their uneven breaths and their own heartbeats.

‘What about me Off?’

‘Hmm’

‘Have you seen my numbers?’

* * *

Off couldn’t believe his ears.

He could almost swear that he was about to vomit a few seconds ago. He knows that Gun asked out of plain curiosity, but his thoughts are running wild into the open opportunity to be completely honest with Gun.

If he can’t help Gun, maybe Gun could help himself to get out of it. Maybe he could hit two birds with one stone.

Freeing himself from the burden of lying to Gun’s face

And actually doing something to try and help.

He looks up from the ground only to be welcomed by Gun’s warm eyes and flushed cheeks.

Suddenly, Off couldn’t get himself to speak. It’s like his throat is closing in on him and he’s holding on to a thin breath of oxygen left in his system.

He doesn’t want to see the light in Gun’s eyes to dim so he decided against his own will.

‘No. I haven’t’ He shook his head at Gun, hoping that the lie he just spat out wouldn’t be seen on his face.

Gun nodded, both of them thinking deeply into what they should do next.

Before Off could take his words back and tell the truth he felt the vibration coming from Gun’s pockets, he looks over to see Gun raising the phone and pressing it against his right ear.

‘Yes Jane?’

A couple of swear words later and Gun is rushing to his feet, ‘I’ll be right there’ he said before he hangs up.

‘I have to go home, see you around’ he looks down at Off before running towards where they came from.

Off sighs, not knowing what to do.

Lying about it seems like the worst idea, he just made it harder for himself to admit the truth.

He took a deep breath, standing up and brushing off his jeans before making his way home with a heavy conscience.

* * *

‘What happened?’

‘She drank way too much tonight and she started picking a fight with one of her friends, now that they left, she’s just there, throwing things’

Gun groaned, this is the last thing he needs right now, ‘I’ll deal with her, go back to your room’ He commanded sternly to his sister before opening their front door.

He didn’t even bother taking off his shoes as he went straight towards where the noises coming from. The sound of glass breaking echoes in their living room that looks messier than usual, and that’s saying a lot.

Empty bottles of alcohol are scattered all over the place, a broken vase was even spotted on the right corner of the room, and broken tiles lie from beneath his feet as he observes his surroundings.

‘Oh, you’re here, my favorite son is here’ His mother slurs as she attempts to make her way towards him, failing miserably as she stumbles on her feet.

Gun looks down at her with no sign of pity or anything really.

‘I was wondering where you were’ She looks up, her eyes bloodshot and her face bloated from all the alcohol she consumed.

Gun sighs before bending down to help her get up, just to get this over with. He doesn’t really have much of a choice than to help her so that she would hopefully sober up.

The strong scent of alcohol and vomit overtook his sense of smell even when he tried to stretch his neck as far as he can.

Gun flinched as felt his mother’s nails grazing his face trying to make him look at her directly in the eyes.

‘It has been so long since I’ve seen you this close, Gun’

He clicked his tongue, moving away from her without uttering a word to provoke her even more.

‘I missed you and your sister Jane, but I miss him the most’ She continues.

The words coming out of her mouth is too much to handle for Gun. It’s too much to bear.

Maybe he should just let her be and go to his room, he’ll just come back to check up on her tomorrow morning when she’s a lot better.

Better than this

Yeah, that seems like a wise idea so he stood up, prying himself out of her grasp when she spoke once again.

‘He might have been stupid but I love him, I still do’

Gun tried to ignore her, that words she’s saying are the words she has been saying for a couple of year now, Gun takes a step away from her but she continues still.

‘If he just listened to me, he might still be here. That idiot’ She chuckled bitterly.

Anger and frustration drips from her tone.

Gun stop dead on his tracks, looking back at her who is now sprawled out on the floor. He knows that this won’t get him any clear answers but he asks anyways.

‘What?’

‘If he only listened, he wouldn’t have died’ She slurs, fighting the urge to throw up. Her system rejecting the alcohol she downed a couple of hours ago.

‘What are you saying?’ Gun took a deep breath, pressing her into answering his question directly.

She’s not sober and Gun might be tempted to splash some cold water on her just to make her talk. This is the first time he heard her talk about him in this manner.

Almost angry and disappointed.

He didn’t need to squeeze the answer from her any much longer as the words he was hoping he didn’t understand filled the air.

‘I told him about his numbers and he still went on with the stupid heart of his’

Tears are now falling from her eyes and for the first time in almost a decade

She seems human,

alive,

and hurting.

Gun couldn’t get himself to breathe.

* * *

**_7\. 17. 2011_ **

_‘I’m telling you_ , _can’t you just believe me this once?’_ _Jinmanee protested gripping her husband’s forearm, stopping him from taking another step towards the door._

_‘I’ll be extra careful, I promise’_

_She groans, not knowing what to do or say to convince him not to leave._

_‘You’re putting yourself and Gun in danger’ She pressed, hesitation crosses her husband’s eyes before he evidently shook it off._

_‘We’re not even sure that that would really happen, we can’t hold Gun from celebrating his eleventh birthday’ He shrugs looking at her frustrated expression._

_‘You’re being irrational and you know it’ She spat at him._

_She couldn’t believe him. She couldn’t believe that there is no sign that he’ll change his mind any moment soon and that he’s so immature and reckless into making this decision all by himself._

_‘You’ve seen those times where it came true, you were there. Now you’re telling me that you’re willing to risk your life and your own son’s life just so you could celebrate his birthday? Bullshit.’_

_She almost screamed at him, fumes coming out of her ears._

_‘There is no chance that we can turn this back, you know it, you’ve proved it. If what you’re telling me is true, then I’m gonna be gone by the end of the day anyways, let me just do this for him one last time.’_

_‘Can you even hear your fucking self?’ She swore, in contrast of what she’ll usually say._

_When he didn’t answer she continues, ‘What about Jane, huh? What about me? What happens when they both grew up? Are you fine with just leaving them? Leaving us?’_

_‘But there is nothing we can do, it will happen even if I stay here. It will happen even if lock myself up in our room.’_

_‘Won’t you at least try?’_

_‘What’s the point of trying when we know what’s going to come? I refuse to waste another minute here’_

_He sighs before he continues, ‘Let me at least do this for Gun for his special day’_

_‘You’re selfish’ She said almost whispering to herself, but it’s clear that her husband heard it before he continues on his way out of the front door._

_She watches as his figure disappears alongside with her sense purpose and direction._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try to make lighter chapters after this one I'm sorry hehe and I'll try to edit the grammar mistakes as soon as I can :>


	16. Chapter 16

**7\. 17. 2011**

' _Dad what's those numbers on top of your head?’ He looks down at his eleven-year-old son who’s looking at him with curious eyes, He could almost count his heartbeat as he ger more nervous in any moment passing by._

_He has them too._

_He sees numbers too._

_He couldn’t believe what Gun just told him, but now he’s sure that Gun needs him more than ever._

_This is a mistake. What was he thinking? For a moment earlier, he wanted to be selfish, he wanted to spend the rest of his time with his son, heck, if Jane was old enough, he would have dragged her along too. They are his life, and even if he doesn’t say it loud and clear, he found purpose in his children’s eyes. That’s why he acted with irrationality and now he couldn’t go back even if he wants too._

_His wife’s protests echo in his mind, he should have listened to her. He thought, looking back at Gun who is now playing with the sand below his feet._

_'It's probably nothing, now come on, before your mom turns red permanently.' he urges Gun to go back inside the car._

_Maybe they still have time, maybe he could turn this around._

_‘Who am I kidding’_

_After they hop on the vehicle, he immediately straps the seatbelt on Gun, pulling it as tight as he can. He looks back into the backseat of his car as he remembers some pillows they had back there. He pulled out a handkerchief from his pocket. This might not be as efficient, but he thought that it could help._

_‘Gun, I want you to wear this na, don’t take it off until I said so okay?’ He stated, tying the pillow on Gun’s head and neck with his handkerchief. As he looks at Gun all he could think of is that he’s sorry._

_He shouldn’t have acted this way._

_He shouldn’t have drag Gun into this mess._

_‘Why?’_

_He didn’t reply, he just tightens the makeshift “helmet” he made for Gun, making sure that it’s not suffocating him, before he fastens his seatbelt and drove off._

_‘Gun, what were those numbers you saw from earlier?’ He asked, trying to sound as casual as he can._

_‘Two and forty-five’_

_He shook his head, he’s an idiot. The drive from here to his house take about three hours, there is no way they could make it._

_He couldn’t recognize the thoughts running through his head when he decided to get out of their house and fetch Gun from his school. It almost feels like he has no control of what’s going to happen. Like, he has no say._

_‘Do you remember what I told you about at that time we were at the park?’_

_‘What?’ Gun furrowed his eyebrows, trying to recall what his dad is saying._

_‘That in life we don’t always get what we planned, it is given. I want you to remember that there is only the future to look forward to and that we can’t be trapped in the past’_

_‘What are you saying Dad?’_

_He took a deep breath so focused on the road in front of him that he doesn’t have the chance to look back at his son, Gun is too young to even understand him._

_‘Gun I’m sorry’_

_‘For what?’_

_‘I don’t know, for everything.’_

_Gun didn’t know what to reply, his eleven-year-old self couldn’t fully comprehend what is happening._

_‘I love you Gun, Jane and your Mom too and If there are times where I couldn’t be there for them can you promise me that you’ll be a strong boy and look after them?’_

_Gun titled his head, ‘Why? Are you going somewhere? Are you going to the states?’ he asked curiously._

_He chuckled bitterly, ‘Not really, no, but can you do that?’_

_‘I think so, I’m a pretty responsible boy’ Gun puffed his chest out, bragging on his capabilities and pretending to be his favorite hero._

_Oblivious and naïve_

_‘That, you are’ He ruffled Gun’s hair before gripping the steering wheel once again._

_‘Oh. Oh, and I love you too Dad’ Gun followed up from the statement hanging in the air for quite some time now._

_He continues to drive, being extra careful than usual, looking from left to right but all his efforts turn into dust when after an hour and fifteen minutes, that’s when he heard it. The loud screeching noise and the blinding lights._

_It is scientifically proven that the passenger seat or what we often call the shotgun is the most dangerous seat out of all the seats in the car, because most often the instincts of the driver is to save himself from the impact making him swerve the car and the sacrificing the other side._

_But his instincts told him otherwise as he stirs the wheel so that his side would be in contact._

_This is not an act of heroism and he knows it, because Gun wouldn’t even be in here if it wasn’t for him._

_‘I’m sorry Gun’ he thought as he feels the impact crashing from his side._

* * *

Gun stares at his ceiling letting the air from his fan brush against his skin, making the hair from his arms stand up.

This feels like a reset. Everything that he thought he knew came back to slap him in the face. All these years he only has himself to blame, thinking that his lack of effort is the reason behind all of this, but now knowing that there was someone who knew aside from him makes him want to forgive himself. Not entirely though. He is still at fault and this doesn’t really change much for him.

His dad is still gone, but when he looks at his mom something inside him is convincing him to not despise her as much as he does anymore.

Something in her eyes is telling Gun not to completely give up on her.

Or himself.

He sighs, shifting to another position with the things that happened on **_07\. 17. 2011_** filling his mind.

* * *

~~**51 days** ~~

‘Cut! That’s it for today guys, thank you’ Tay exclaimed after looking up from the monitor they connected into their cameras. The people around him breathing a sigh of relief, some of the scenes they have to take today is kind of intense and it took them a couple of tries before Tay was satisfied.

Tay is a very loose and carefree person but when it comes to his work, especially when he’s directing, he’s like a completely different person.

Off looks around the room searching for New, he has been asking people where Gun is but none of them could give a concrete answer. He has only one person to ask and that is New, he tried to ask New earlier but the guy seems very preoccupied so he decided to try and ask the others first.

‘Have you heard from Gun?’ He asked, thinking of the last time he saw Gun which was three days ago and that didn’t even end well as he remembers the lie he told to Gun that kept him awake for a couple of nights now, plus, Gun looks worried right before he left, making Off worry about him more.

‘Not really’ New shrugs unhinging the knobs on the light stand. ‘but he texted me earlier asking me to tell Tay that he couldn’t go to today’s shooting’

‘Did he tell you why?’

New looks up at him, raising an eyebrow before answering, ‘He didn’t exactly, but I think it’s a family issue’

Off nodded, that sounds like what he heard from Gun before it left him. He was about to turn around when New started asking again. ‘Why did you ask?’

‘Nothing, I just wanted to ask him something about the script’ he lies taking a step back away from New’s questioning gaze.

‘Okay sure, that’s a great excuse’ New wiggles his eyebrow at him while laughing to himself.

Off rolled his eyes knowing exactly what New meant but he decided to ignore it because he too is starting to believe it.

And he’s not sure on what to feel about it

* * *

After they wrap things up for the day, Off bid his goodbyes to the rest of the group, starting on his own way home. He thought that maybe he could walk his way back since his house is located on a street on the other direction from the others.

The streets are still busy with traffic trying to move along as they go, the night breeze embracing Off’s tall figure along with the smoke coming from the bumpers of the cars beside the sidewalk.

His mind is busy with how he should tell Gun about the numbers, contemplating into telling it or not; a dilemma he was battling for a couple of days now, scratch that, actually a couple of weeks now. Starting from the moment he saw Gun with those numbers, it took him all he has not to tell Gun right there and then, and now that the days are getting slimmer his guts are urging him more and more.

But how can you even casually tell someone that you know when they’re going to die?

How do you even start?

He sighs, looking at the people ahead of him, trying not to bump into anyone. The place is still lit with lights coming from establishments and street lamps. Cars honking at each other is the only thing that fills his ears. He looks in front of him, a man casually walking on the street is now on his line of view after he turns a corner towards a much-secluded street away from the highway.

A street so familiar to Off as he walks down this road for almost every day to get to their house.

The man looks like he’s in his forties, he’s all suited up, looking like he just got off of work. They seem to take on the same path as Off doesn’t have any other choice but to follow the man.

A few houses down and that’s when it came to him.

He saw the man’s number.

**20**

The man only had twenty more minutes.

Off couldn’t feel his knees as his body went numb all over. His heartbeat quickens as he continues to observe the man in front of him. He’s too close and the numbers are too slim to ignore.

After he decided that he would help Gun, it feels wrong to turn a blind eye towards the others. He feels like a hypocrite for not trying anymore because it feels like he’s weighing others life more important than the others.

He took a deep breath once again before he quickens his phase, he took his phone out of his pocket making up a fake address before catching up with the man in front of him.

‘Excuse me Sir’ He said before the man turn around to look at him, like any other day he doesn’t recognize the man at all, making him more prone into looking and sounding crazy. The man looks at him with a questioning gaze urging him to continue with his agenda.

‘I was wondering if you could help me find my way into this address, my friend called me and I think it’s an emergency but I don’t know how to get to him’ He lies, hoping the man would even consider his bullshit.

The man raises his eyebrow at him, ‘I’m sorry I don’t think I could help you with that son’ the man shook his head before walking another step away from Off.

‘Sir please, that friend is really important to me, can you please spare me a couple minutes of your time?’ He begs but not for the reason the man would think.

The man looks back and fort from Off’s desperate face to the street he was about to take before he sighs, nodding his head.

‘Okay fine, this better not be a prank or I will call the police on you’ The man warns before looking at the address once again.

‘I think it’s down this road’ The man inferred before going towards it with Off following closely behind.

What’s funny is, Off wrote a real address, the only thing fake about it is that he has no idea who lives there. He silently thanks himself that the address that first came into mind was a couple of minutes away.

* * *

After a couple of minutes of trying to divert the man, asking if they took a different route, urging for them to take another one; Off tried to make an excuse that his “friend” texted him and now his “friend” is okay. He made sure that they wasted at around an hour into it before he lets the man go. Thanking him before they went on different paths this time.

He felt good seeing the man walking away after an hour, looking alive and healthy.

Though he’s not quite sure if what he did actually changed something but he wants to hope it did. He turns back towards his way home, trying to take a different route just in case the man saw him again and conclude that it was all bullshit.

He brushes his hair up, all sweaty from all the walking he did in a humid night. He turns towards the corner and as if like déjà vu seeing that he is now walking on the street the man was walking on earlier, walking a little further than where they were.

Out of curiosity he went towards where the guy was talking about when they were walking together, according to the guy he was about to get home and apparently, he lives a block away from Off.

Off ignores their own street walking towards where the guy probably lives, he’s curious to see if something really did happen.

As he walks closer, he saw a bunch of people crowding besides each other, murmuring loud enough to fill the street with faint whispers.

Looking towards what the people are talking about he saw two trucks that collided with each other.

 _‘Damn that’s a lot of damage’_ One said as Off walks by trying to grasp information.

_‘I know right, good thing no one was crossing this road as this happened or else that would have been bad’_

_‘Omg, you’re right, like, imagine if someone was walking by this street when these trucks collided, they would probably be sandwiched in between’_

Off felt the hair on the back of his head stand up as he hears more about what the others are saying. He walks closer to them as he decided to ask. ‘Excuse me?’ He taps one of the bystanders’ shoulder, ‘When did this happened?’

‘I don’t know about thirty minutes ago?’ The lady answered.

He swallowed the lump forming in his throat, So, it’s true,

There is a chance to turn things around.

If he can do it with this stranger, what more to Gun?

He turns around, this time really walking towards his house with new possibilities coming across his mind.

* * *

~~**49 days** ~~

‘I can’t believe we’ll actually see them’

‘I know! Good thing Arm has his connections’

The group looks at the driver of the van, on their way towards the concert they are planning on going to.

‘We just got lucky’ Arm answered, turning right towards the venue’s parking lot.

‘Arm, this not the time to be humble, we all know that deep down that trash façade of yours you actually have a lot of connections with these people’

The bunch laughs at Mild’s comment making Arm groan from the driver seat, ‘If you guys will just tease me all night, I shouldn’t have called all yall’s ungrateful asses’ He stated parking on a spot closer to the entrance.

‘Okay in behalf of Mild’s snarky attitude, I would like to apologize’ New started, chuckling as Mild hit him in the arm.

‘Okay first of all, I thought you guys love that about me?’ She asked faking hurt, pressing a hand on her chest.

‘Oh please, we wouldn’t trade it for the world’ Tay answered with a much thicker sarcasm, making Gun snort at his seat. Gun looks at the entrance, trying to get a view of the crowd waiting for the artists to come out. Fortunately, this is one of the things Off and him could cross out of their list, and even though they planned it together it might actually be better to spend it with friends, so that Gun could have an excuse rather than just spending time with Off.

‘Three Man Down is actually a dope band, I met one of their members last month’ Arm shared, turning off the engine before they all went out

‘How could you even meet someone like this so casually?’ Off asks, as soon as they all step foot on the pavement at the parking lot.

‘Going to a lot of parties has its perks sometimes’ Arm shrugs.

They don’t even protest because they know that Arm is that guy who knows a lot of people and goes to a lot of parties, but that doesn’t make Arm any less responsible of a student than them.

‘Can you hit me up, when you go to those kinds of parties?’ Mild asks, putting her arm around Arm’s neck, like she wasn’t just talking shit about him from most days.

‘Why? So that you’ll pass out at the dance floor once again?’ Arm rolled his eyes trying to shrug Mild off of him.

‘Oh, come on!’ Mild shouted when Arm started to run away from her towards the entrance.

Gun giggles, looking around him, he didn’t even notice that it’s just him and Off left as he’s so focused on the bickering duo in front of him.

‘Where’s Tay and New?’ He asks Off sliding his hand in his pocket.

‘Tay said he wanted to buy some drinks so New followed him, I think they just want to treat this as a date’ Off jokes scooting closer to Gun.

‘Oh please’ Gun snickered, showing one of the ushers his ticket before walking towards the open space set for concerts.

A lot of people are already in here, trying to entertain themselves with the filler music the organizers play to fill time before the show starts.

He tried to burry his family issues away towards the back of his mind, tonight he just wants to forget and just live. Plus, he took a couple of days off to think about it and now he’s a lot calmer than when he heard it the first time, though, he’s not really that okay with it yet.

He shook his head trying to squeeze through the people, to get into the spot indicated in their tickets, normally he doesn’t want to be in a crowded place like this but as he said earlier today, he just wants to let loose and forget, so he agreed.

He felt Off’s hand grip his forearm so that they won’t lose each other in the crowd of people, and with a lot of things going inside his mind he still couldn’t ignore his own heartbeat. 

Even with all the bodies bumping into them, Off’s grip is the only thing he could feel.

As soon as they arrived at the spot, Off lets go of him, making him want to whimper but he decided that that would be too weird.

Yes, weirder than anything that has happened.

He looks up at Off beside him, with excitement evident on its face. This is in Off’s list after all. Gun couldn’t help but smile at the sight, making Off looks back at him.

‘This is way different than our usual scene at the cemetery’ They both laugh at Off’s statement.

‘Yeah the crowd in here actually have a pulse’ he smirks, once again looking at the people in front of them.

The spot they got is actually pretty nice, they could see the stage perfectly and it’s not as crowded as the middle part. He wonders when their friends are going to be here, maybe Arm and Mild also decided to buy some food first, and maybe they should too but him and Off got way too excited.

‘What do you like most about them?’ He asks when nothing seems to fill the air between him and the tall guy besides him.

‘Their music in general just calms me down’

‘That’s fair’ he nodded.

‘What about you? What do you like to listen to the most?’

‘I’m not really picky when it comes to music, when it speaks to me, it speaks to me I guess’ Gun shrugs smiling.

A moment later and their friends started to join them as the countdown started.

* * *

Off couldn’t feel more alive. The lights from the stage making him feel ecstatic and the blaring music making him want to dance his ass off even if he, for sure, knows that it doesn’t look pretty on him.

The band is now on their third song, and it’s one of his favorites. ข้างกัน City by Three Man Down.

 _จะกอดเธอไว้_ _ไม่ให้ไปไหน_

_I’ll hug you and not let you leave_

_เพราะวันนี้ไม่ใช่ฝัน_

_Because today is not a dream_

_นับตั้งแต่เธอเข้ามา_ _หัวใจของฉัน_

_Since you showed up, my heart_

_ก็ไม่ต้องตามหาใคร_ _เมื่อเธอครอบครองฉัน_

_Hasn’t had to search for anyone since you possessed me_

The crowd around them started chanting along with Off’s beating heart. The lyrics spoke to him and all the things he left unsaid. He looks at Gun besides him with his hands in the air chanting with the other people, looking pure and new.

When Gun felt Off’s eyes on him, he tried to smile, ignoring the feelings over-flowing from his system. He smiled before screaming the lyrics to Off, urging the taller to sing with him, without hesitation Off did. They both started subtly swaying their bodies to the beat of the song. Ignoring other people around them.

For a moment Off felt like he was in an empty room with just Gun’s warm eyes staring back at him.

He forgets all the bodies bumping onto him, for the most important among all of them all is the little man smiling back at him with his dimples showing.

Gun is too young,

too pure,

and too good.

So, Off has to give it all of him to try and turn things around.

* * *

**OFF AND GUN list of excuses to say "fuck it" and wander around; NOT A BUCKET LIST **

**OFF**

  1. ~~Visit the abandoned building in the nearby town~~
  2. Get a Tattoo
  3. ~~Get to see the band, Three Man Down, perform live~~



**GUN**

  1. Get to visit a waterfall; swim in it 
  2. Adopt a rescue animal
  3. Win at least something related to script writing



* * *

The sound of the rain keeps on making little taps on the roof of Off’s bedroom. He couldn’t get his eyes to close as he remembers how ethereal Gun looks laughing and shouting incorrect lyrics from earlier. He couldn’t ignore the feeling on the pit of his stomach as he tries to scoot into a much comfortable position.

It’s already eight in the evening and they went home a couple of hours ago, but he still couldn’t get over it.

That was probably one of the best experiences he’s ever had for his whole life so far. There is just something about the song and his undiscovered feelings for Gun that he thought that if he tried to ignore would just go away.

Spoiler alert, it didn’t.

It even got a lot stronger now that he lay on top of his mattress, trying to think of anything else other than Gun’s dimples,

Gun’s eyes,

Those lips.

Off groans, sitting up. He couldn’t take this any longer.

He stood up, grabbing a hoodie since it’s raining, a pair of sandals, and the keys into their house. He doesn’t know why or what to do when he gets there but he just lets his feet drag him towards Gun’s neighborhood.

Everything feels like a blur to him, one moment he was on his bed in his bedroom and the next he’s standing outside of Gun’s house throwing small rocks on a window. Hoping that it’s Gun’s.

He sighs a sigh of relief when he saw Gun, peeking through it, shooting him a questioning glare before retreating back into the bedroom. It took a couple of minutes before Gun is now walking towards him with an umbrella in his hands.

‘What the fuck are you doing? And why don’t you have an umbrella?’ Gun asks, trying to raise the umbrella on top of Off’s head, but there really is no point seeing Off’s drenched figure.

Off didn’t even notice how wet he is until Gun pointed it out, he looks down on his figure, trying to compose the sentence that has been bugging him for some time now.

He took a deep breath, counting to three, before he looks at Gun straight into the eyes.

‘I lied Gun’

He feels his heartbeat getting quicker and his throat closing in, making it harder for him to breathe, Gun shot him a confused gaze, raising his right eyebrow.

‘I lied to you and I’m sorry’

‘What is this about Off?’

‘I… I saw your numbers’


	17. Chapter 17

_‘Have you ever seen your own numbers?’_

_Gun shook his head at New, munching on the chips resting on his lap. They are currently watching ‘My best friend’s wedding’ a film from 1997, one of Gun’s favorites, when New randomly asks him this question, making him divert his attention from Julia Roberts to his friend sprawled out on the sofa beside him._

_He Shrugs his shoulders, ‘I don’t think that’s a thing’ he replied, chuckling and shifting on a much comfortable sitting position._

_‘Well, I don’t think seeing someone’s time of death is a thing either but here we are’_

_‘Touché’_

_‘But how would you think that would feel though?’ New stated encouraging Gun to entertain the idea of it. ‘I mean, I don’t think I would like to know.’_

_‘Why? I think it’s interesting to know’ Gun asked out of pure curiosity, they opened this conversation anyways they might as well push through it._

_‘I just think that everything after that will just feel rushed and compromise’_

_Gun looks up at his friend, licking the tip of his fingers covered with cheese from the chips he has been eating this whole time. When he didn’t reply New continued, ‘It’s like a clock chasing you, reminding you of all the things you haven’t done and may not even have the chance to do so’ New shrugs sitting up and reaching for his drink at the center table._

_Gun doesn’t seem to mind the idea of knowing his own, it won’t bother him since the numbers would be far from happening anyways, it’s not like he’s dying tomorrow and plus, it’s better to know his own rather than know other people’s._

_‘We were born to die anyways, what’s the big deal in knowing?’ He asks once again, folding the excess plastic so that his remaining chips wouldn’t get ruined as he set it down the table._

_‘I think I would just feel pressured by it, to say the least, so if you ever see mine please don’t tell me, I want to live my everydays thinking of infinite tomorrows’_

_Gun rolled his eyes, ‘You know I wouldn’t look at yours’_

_‘Well I’m just saying’ New shrugs turning his attention back to the film that they neglected a couple of minutes ago._

_Gun rested his weight against the bean bag chair even more, ignoring the questions running in his mind._

* * *

~~**49 days** ~~

‘I lied to you and I’m sorry’

‘What is this about Off?’

‘I… I saw your numbers’

Gun feels the rain soaking his figure as he looks at the umbrella he abandoned moments ago. He took a couple of seconds just thinking and trying to even out his breathing. With what Off said from earlier still in his mind, he tried to analyze it in his brain. Looking at Off’s body language, thinking of how Off said it.

Off stammered.

His body was quivering, it doesn’t matter if it’s because of the rain or the sudden confession but he was evidently shaking.

He looked at Gun directly in the eyes.

There is no way he’s lying.

‘Why are you telling me this?’ Gun ask, he couldn’t think of any other question other than this one which also seems like a pretty irrelevant one at that.

‘I can’t spend another day looking at you like I don’t know Gun, I can’t keep on pretending’

‘Why can’t you?’

‘Can’t I what?’

‘Why can’t you just keep on pretending?’

_Like how I’m pretending to not know yours._

Gun doesn’t want to get angry, he didn’t mean to confront Off like this but how is he supposed to act with this information.

Heck, he doesn’t even know when his numbers are due but he can’t help but feel scared. He once thought that knowing would be interesting but now that it is served in front of him, he doesn’t feel like he wants to know. Another part of him also wants this to be a practical joke played on him by Off because if Off tells him about his numbers then there’s more reasons to tell Off about the truth and Gun doesn’t have that much courage yet.

Keeping it to himself would just be unfair.

‘Why are you telling me this now Off?’ He asked, trying to make Off look up at him and not at the ground.

When Gun got no response other than Off’s attempts to shift his weight, he continuous to ask, ‘It’s near isn’t it? I mean you wouldn’t bother telling me if it’s not’ Off looks up at him and without answering Gun confirmed his guess.

Off swallowed the things that’s blocking his throat, even if he tries to open his mouth, he couldn’t form any coherent words to say to Gun so he just lets Gun speak.

A couple of minutes passes by them just staring at each other or the ground, feeling the cold breeze go in between them, letting it deliver the unspoken messages they are still trying to convert into a much lighter word.

‘We can change it Gun, I know we can.’ Off started, hugging his own figure by wrapping his arms around him. He shivers not at the weather nor at the wind slapping his body but at the look on Gun’s face, drenched and hopeless.

‘What’s the point of that? There is nothing we can do Off’ Gun sighs, brushing his wet hair up. He remembers all those times where he contemplated on whether he could help Off but all of those just paralyzes him even more.

‘Gun, I’ve seen it, I know we can turn things ar-’ Off was about to explain the encounter he had with the man just a couple of days ago when Gun cuts him off.

‘There’s nothing we can do Off, even if we try to stop it, life would just find another way, that’s just how it works. That is just how fucked up life is. Stop being so naïve.’ Gun argued raising his voice to get his point across.

Gun felt a wave of guilt rushing in his system as he spat those words, he knows that he didn’t mean that and he hopes that Off wouldn’t take it like that either. Gun is just angry at everything. He’s mad at the fact that life really did play with him like that, like he doesn’t have any other problems to begin with.

He sighs, putting his hand inside his pocket to attempt to stop it from trembling, ‘My mom saw my dad’s numbers’ He admitted, his voice croaking in the process. Suddenly, he could feel Off’s eyes on him but he didn’t dare to meet its curious gaze as he explains himself further.

‘I just knew about it a couple of days ago. She knew his numbers and there is no way that she didn’t try to stop it. I know her and I know how much they love each other, she might not look the part but I know that she tried to stop it, but that is not enough Off. It’s not enough that we just try. It’s not enough that we just stop it we are just mere humans after all’

Off couldn’t get himself to speak after that, he is still trying to comprehend what Gun just confessed. Now it makes so much more sense as to why Gun is acting this way. Now he understands that maybe he should not push Gun into trying to turn things around, but that also doesn’t mean that he’ll give up on it.

That doesn’t mean that he’ll give up on Gun.

Gun turns around, attempting to escape what is served but his feet couldn’t seem to move, as his mind is nailing him on the ground.

At the back of his mind he knows that it would only eat him up if he doesn’t ask Off now, he knows that it would only haunt him more knowing that someone knows his end when he himself doesn’t. The guilt of burdening Off even more feels heavy on his feet so he turns back around asking, ‘When is it?’

Off hesitated for a moment before answering, maybe if Gun knows it would be easier for the both of them. Plus, that was his goal into doing this right?

**‘48 days 1 hour and 25 minutes’**

Gun took a deep breath before it hit him.

* * *

_'_ _Son, there is nothing wrong with admitting your own weaknesses and mistakes even if it scares you the most’_

_Gun looks up at his dad, he thought that he’ll nag him after he accidentally broke one of their flower vases like what his mom usually does so he took it upon himself as he hid on his closet hoping that no one will find him just to blame him._

_‘Come ‘ere’ His dad motioned for him to get out of the closet. He fidgets as he followed hi dad on his bed, climbing on its lap._

_‘It’s okay Gun, it’s okay to make mistakes, you don’t have to hide every time’_

_‘But mom would be mad at me’ He pouts, his dad chuckling at the look on his face._

_‘No, she wouldn’t, it’s just a vase. We can buy a new one’_

_‘But... but… she said when I bwoke one of our mugs that once its bwoken we can fwix it’_

_‘That’s true once it’s broken, we can’t fix it, but you know what?’_

_‘What?’ Gun looks down at his little fingers scratching the sides of it due to guilt._

_‘We can’t do anything but be honest with it. Sometimes son, we have to admit the truth. We have to say it out loud and proclaim it to the world to free ourselves from it. Like what they always say, an honest man is a free man’ His dad ruffled hi hair, unsure if the morals he’s trying to teach will even stick with Gun as he grows up but he could only hope and he could only try._

_‘I need to pwroclaim it?’ Gun tilted his head, earning a nod from his dad._

_‘Yes, like this, I broke a vase!’ His dad exclaimed, startling him for a moment before they both laugh._

_‘I bwoke a vase!’_

_‘That’s right. That’s a start.’ His dad laughs as he continued screaming that he broke a vase, running around the room._

* * *

Like word vomit, it escapes Gun’s mouth and out of his system.

The truth he has been keeping all to himself all this time.

‘What?’ Of asks in disbelief.

‘We have the same numbers Off’

The rain stopped a couple of minutes ago, making it even colder than earlier because after the rain comes stronger winds. Gun shivers but he couldn’t take his eyes off of the man in front of him who looks like he’s about to throw up, his face pale and his lips quivering.

Gun just doesn’t want to be unfair to him. If he’s trying for Gun and if he’s honest with Gun then there’s nothing holding Gun back from being as honest.

He lets Off process it for a couple more minutes, observing Off’s expression which he couldn’t really read.

There’s really is nothing to say between the both of them as their mind is somewhere far from where they are. Their minds are at **48 days** in the future and there is no way into catching up anytime soon.

‘One more reason to try harder’ Off stated, smiling gently at Gun.

Gun couldn’t hide the shock he feels as he couldn’t believe the hopeful expression on Off’s face. He’s not sure if he expected a certain reaction from Off but he just didn’t expect a casual sentence from it.

He looks at Off’s eyes once again, letting its gaze pull him into believing.

It makes him want to be hopeful too.

* * *

New was right. After all that happened tonight and after knowing his time of death everything in life feels rushed, like he wants to do a lot of thigs all at once, but in contrast everything also feels small and he couldn’t put his finger on it, like right now he doesn’t really have to think of anything. He doesn’t have a name to uphold or expectations to meet anymore because he will be gone in a month or so anyways.

Right now, all that really matters to him is to maximize everything as he can.

It might be because he hasn’t really come into terms with it and it hasn’t really sink in yet but he feels infinite, like he could do anything. It’s a rush and it’s overwhelming, all these thoughts crashing unto him and all these dreams crumbling. He still couldn’t fathom that he won’t ever meet his future self that he kept on looking forward to. Now, all those times he spent looking towards a couple of years in the future seems stupid and pointless, come to think of it, he spent most of his life building this strong and perfect, or at least near perfect, version of himself without really living.

He wasn’t living.

Not at all.

That is why this feels like a reset, like day one all over again but he knows that every countdown comes an end and he’s not sure if he’s ready for that yet.

He sighs opening his laptop to finish his script, he’s down to the last few seconds of it and he couldn’t be more motivated to end it.

* * *

**_  
INT. GMEM ASYLUM. NULL._ **

_Chimon gave up on trying to pry himself out of their grasp. He lets them drag him inside of one of the boxes. He couldn’t believe Nanon’s cold stare as he was almost begging for his help. Somehow, he couldn’t get angry at Nanon. He couldn’t get himself to blame him, it was both of their faults after all. His body is numb as his hands and feet are both tied on a chair in the empty room._

_There is no point in trying and Chimon knows that. He would only feel even more like shit if he even tries. He stared at the blank wall until someone opened the door catching his attention._

**_Wanchana_ **

_You know it pains me to see you like this Chimon, you’re one of our best ones. I couldn’t believe you would betray us like that._

_They call it betrayal but for Chimon it’s the only humane thing he could do._

_It’s the least he could do._

_If he didn’t try to let other people know, more people will become victim of this abomination that they are doing._

_Chimon spits on the ground beside him._

**_Chimon_ **

_I couldn’t just let you ruin other people’s lives, no. Not anymore._

**_Wanchana_ **

_Here you go again, blaming others for your own mistakes. As far as I can remember Chimon, this was your idea._

_Chimon feel the heat rushing up to his cheeks and ears. There is no point in denying what the man in front of him has said. This was his idea._

_He is the one at fault._

**_Chimon_ **

_It was an idea that you put your money on. It was **you** who brought it to life. _

_Chimon glares at Wanchana before he spoke once again._

**_Chimon_ **

_I know what you’re trying to do._

_Chimon chuckles. Wanchana takes a step closer._

**_Chimon_ **

_You’re trying to scare me, like what you did to the others just like me. You know why is that? It’s because you are nothing more than a coward. So, go ahead, I know where this is heading. Kill me. But remember, no matter how hard you try to silence us, that won’t change the fact that you did this. That won’t change the fact that you ruined all the lives of those people, and someday. Someday, people will know about this, and they will know how awful you are._

_Wanchana chuckles, taking another step closer before grabbing Chimon’s face into his hand, forcing him to look at him directly._

**_Wanchana_ **

_You have balls kid, I acknowledge that. At least you’ll die thinking that you tried to do the right thing._

_Wanchana laughs, letting go of Chimon’s face harshly._

_People wearing white coats enters the room frantically as if they practiced it before._

**_Wanchana_ **

_Won’t you look at that, right on time._

_Wanchana turns around, walking towards the door and letting his people finish the job_

_Chimon knows what this people will do and that all his protests would only be in vain even if he tries hard enough._

_Wanchana stops, looking back._

**_Wanchana_ **

_Oh, and by the way. Someone wants to say goodbye._

_Chimon didn’t have the time to think when Nanon enters the room. His eyes blank and so is his expression._

_Looking at Nanon, it reminds Chimon of why he shouldn’t give up._

_So, he started again._

**_Chimon_ **

_Nanon, I know you’re still in there._

_Chimon begs, trying to reach out to Nanon but nothing seems to faze the latter even his cry of pleas._

_Chimon repeated._

**_Chimon_ **

_I know you’re still in there Nanon. I need you to continue. Tell people. Tell the others about this and don’t stop, because once we stop that’s when people in power abuses it. Let them know. Let the people know that this is not their fault and it will never be. We owe it to them, that’s the least we could do._

_Chimon feels hands on his body and he knows his end is near. He said his last pleas to Nanon before he feels a pinch on his left arm. He doesn’t need to look down at it, to know what it is. He looks up at Nanon before continuing._

**_Chimon_ **

_Promise me Nanon. Let them know._

_He said before feeling the fluid curse through his veins. It might be his mind playing a trick on him for the last time but it almost looks like Nanon shed a tear._

_A tear of hope he could hold on to as he feels the heavy pull of void awaiting him._

**_FIN_ **

* * *

****

~~**48 days** ~~

‘What a fucking sad ending, I thought we’re going to make it lighter? This, is pure gasoline.’ Arm asked after they all sat down to read the script for the last time before going full blast into shooting.

‘Nah I think it’s just fine, maybe we’ll add some modifications but I’m quite satisfied with it already, I like it when movies leaves questions into the viewers mind.’ Tay argues, underlying some of the lines with his pencil.

‘I agree with Arm, I don’t like sad endings’ New looks at Gun who has been taking notes of everything they are saying for the revisions for their post-production script.

‘Why don’t we just vote for our preferred route, any one in favor of a happy ending?’ Off taking the liberty of settling things between them. It was their film after all.

Arm and New both raise their arms looking at others, ‘Really? Just the two of us? How about you Mild? I thought you wanted to see them end up together or something’ Arm asks, looking at Mild who is playing with the hem of her shirt.

‘Well, I’m satisfied with this too, though, I’m not really a fan of open endings but I think it would just be dragging if we stretch it further’ Mild shrugs.

‘So, it’s settled. We’ll stick with this’ Tay said sternly after looking around, making New pout on his seat.

‘You owe me an alternate ending’ New protested making Gun chuckle, he’s not really sure why he ended it that way but he just sticks with his instincts and this is where it gets him. Actually, he was quite unsatisfied with it either but as he was writing it, this just feels right. This feels in line with the visions that he was getting so he just lets it go.

He sighs, he couldn’t believe he actually finished it. He feels accomplished though he may have to make another ending just for New. He looks around before he finds himself looking at Off that is sitting next to Tay, discussing what they would do for a more dramatic take. He was reminded of how awkward it got when they saw each other for the first time since last time. 

There is just a lot of possibilities and questions lying between them and no one seems to have the courage to say the first word.

‘Take a picture why don’t you’ New whispers beside him, making him jump a little, glaring at New he sighs

‘Fuck off’ He whispered back

‘Okay whatever, but why do you two looked so awkward since earlier? Did something happen?’

‘Is it that evident?’

‘Uh huh, you’re really asking me that? Someone from the down the street could feel the tension between the both of you and it’s not a great feeling to feel, so please stop’

Gun bites his bottom lips out of his own nerves.

‘I’ll talk to him’ he whispers again, this time more like convincing himself rather than replying with Off.

* * *

‘How are you holding up?’

‘I don’t think there’s a proper response to this, Gun. We don’t really hear news like that every day.’ Off chuckles, looking at the smaller lad fidgeting in front of him.

‘I know right? What the hell are we supposed to do now?’ Gun asks all of a sudden, earning a laugh from the both of them. Feeling earnest and genuine for the first time today.

It just feels silly knowing that you’re going to die and not really knowing what to do about it. It feels like they cracked a code to an empty safe.

‘I guess we just live’ Off smiles after a moment of them just contemplating, encouraging Gun to do the same.

‘We live and we try’ 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, maybe some of you might be wanting more from the script and from NaMon, I know, I do too, but I just decided to end it there because they really aren't the main focus of this fic I hope you guys understand (maybe I'll try to write about that on another fic because I didn't really go into much details in here and maybe I'll try an alternate ending at that one, or not we'll see hehe, I'm not sure yet) and as always I'll check the grammar mistakes as soon as I can because my eyes are giving up on me hehe. Thank you!


	18. Chapter 18

~~**47 days** ~~

The number of days going by feels different for Gun, a couple of days ago he wouldn’t sit here staring at his sister trying to memorize every inch of her face but right now he couldn’t think of anything better do. He wants to maximize his time with her, making sure that she’s going to be okay if his numbers are true.

‘What? Why are you looking at me like that?’ She asked scooping another bit of her vanilla sundae while looking at her brother suspiciously.

‘Oh, I’m sorry is it illegal to look at my own sister?’ He asks back, trying to hide his reason behind his stares as he put some of his fries on his mouth.

‘It’s not only your obvious stares, it’s this’ She answered, referring to the food between them that is too much for them to even finish. ‘All of these feels suspicious if you ask me’ She squinted her eyes at Gun who’s having troubles avoiding her gaze.

‘I just thought that we haven’t had time together for quite sometime now and I think this is nice, don’t you?’

‘I do, but you should just use your money for something that will help you with college or whatnot rather than splurging it out today, we can always dine out whenever we want to’ She said nonchalantly, wiping the whipped cream that got onto her nose for some reason.

‘Yeah, I guess I just missed you this much’ Gun forced a chuckle. He never expected himself to be scared of his own end but with Jane in mind he wants to bargain for more days on Earth. ‘How’s your school by the way?’ He asks diverting the topic.

‘You sound like a mom’ Jane rolled her eyes at him but it’s evident that she appreciates her brother checking up on her.

‘Not our mom’ He sighs, dipping one of his fries into Jane’s sundae, which Jane tried to swat away but to no avail her brother is so much faster than her.

It pains Gun to leave Jane at such a toxic environment, they may not spend all their time together but it’s each other than keeps them going, even though they won’t admit it. Gun knows that at the end of the day, Jane is the reason as to why he’s trying to be successful in life, and vice versa.

‘Anyways, so I’m planning on taking up Architecture in College but I’m still thinking about it’ Gun looks up at her and he couldn’t help but smile at the thought of his little sister being all serious with her future career. He has always seen Jane as someone he should protect and guide but it looks like he didn’t notice how fast Jane is growing up.

‘Are you sure about that, I thought you suck at math?’ He jokes, earning an eye roll from Jane. Gun is blessed with a very smart sister and aside from that she’s also very talented when it comes to her Art and Gun couldn’t be prouder. It’s sucks that there is a possibility that he won’t see her go up the stage to receive her diploma and grow into the career that she wants to venture on.

‘I’m sorry but my almost perfect mark in general mathematics couldn’t hear you’ She smirks cockily before eating another spoonful of her ice cream.

Gun chuckles looking around the room, the diner still looks the same even when he hasn’t visited it for a very long time, he remembers his dad’s favorite is their chocolate milkshake and quarter pound burger while their mother prefers the clubhouse sandwich, those time where they ate together seems a lifetime ago, even Gun is having a hard time remembering most of it. Though, a lot of modifications were done to the place it still has the same aura and the same memorabilia displayed which makes him feel like he came home from a long day of work.

‘I’m proud of you’ He whispered to Jane, not saying it too loud just in case his voice betrays him. He has been doing a great job into hiding his fear and sadness and he doesn’t want to start cracking it open now.

‘Ew. See? You are acting suspicious!’ She pointed out, ‘You wouldn’t say that to me on a normal basis’ They both couldn’t help but laugh at that. It’s true, Gun really is not the type to just blurt out things out of nowhere, but right now he doesn’t want to waste anymore of his time into telling Jane of how much she means to him.

‘I’m just saying, I’m proud of everything you’ve accomplished for such a young age. You’re very smart Jane and I’m glad you’re using that to your advantage’ he said trying not to be as sentimental, the last thing he wants is Jane knowing that their days together are down to almost a month and a half.

‘Okay, cut the crap. What is it? Do you have something to say? You’re not packing your bags and leaving me, are you?’ She jokes with a subtle hint of fear in her voice. Gun shook his head almost immediately which feels utterly wrong but it’s all he could do.

‘What are you saying? Do you really think I would just leave you? Like I could do that’ He scoffs the lie spilling out from his tongue doesn’t sit well with his spirit but he decided to just go with it.

‘Good, because you’re the only good thing that has ever happen to me’

‘Ditto’

* * *

‘Can’t believe we’re dying and here we are, sitting at a fucking cemetery’

Their laughs echoes in their eerie surroundings, Gun couldn’t process the fact they have been hanging out in this cemetery for a couple of weeks now when the both of them will allegedly die 47 days from now.

‘Wouldn’t it be awesome if one of us will get buried in here right at this spot?’ Off snickers, sitting upright as he could already feel his back aching.

‘Well, are you Chinese?’

‘Not that I know of’

‘Then no’ Gun laughs at how random and weird their conversations are. When both of them gets the chance to sit and discuss things he knows that it will get weird sooner or later, but no one seems to give a damn.

‘I can understand a little bit of Chinese Mandarin though’ Off suddenly boast, ‘I could probably read one of these names, wait let me try’ Off stands up now paying attention towards the tombstones they haven’t really given much of thought since everything is written in a foreign language.

‘This guy right here was named Wang Xiulan’ Off stated immediately bowing to it to say that he’s not trying to disrespect anyone, Gun following from behind him.

He’s not sure as to why they are doing this but it seems new so he didn’t protest.

‘How about this one’ Gun asks pointing on another one, a couple of tombs away from the first one.

‘Zhang Yan’ Off answered squinting his eyes to see it better.

‘And this?’

‘Sy Yawen’

I took them a couple more minutes just paying their respect on the dead and trying to give them a visit especially to those who doesn’t look like they have been visited for months, brushing off the dirt that has formed on their names to read them. ‘I don’t want to end up like this’ Gun suddenly blurted out, surprising the both of them. ‘I don’t want to be forgotten to the point where no one even dares to clean up my grave’ He admitted honestly.

‘I don’t think you’ll end up like that Gun, I think you’ve touched a lot of people hearts to be forgotten’ Off said trying to play around with his words for it to not sound like a confession.

Gun tried to smile not completely believing Off, for him he wasted a lot of times avoiding people to even inspire them but he decided not to argue with Off, not wanting to sound conceited.

‘Plus, who said we’re going to die anyways?’

Gun looks up at Off with defeat crossing his face, ‘Off, I told you there is no way we can turn things around’ He shook his head standing up after swatting some of the leaves away from the current tombstone they are staring at.

‘Gun I think there is, call me crazy but I saw this man a couple of days ago and he only had a couple of minutes left so I tried to divert him to another direction and thankfully he did,’

Gun titled his head, looking at Off, having no idea where he’s getting at.

‘I made sure to distract him for about an hour, making sure that nothing bad happens to him and then when we parted ways, I decided that it’s a good idea to check if nothing really bad happened to where he was going, as I get to their street there was an accident, I think that’s where he was supposed to… you know.’ Off looks down at the ground, playing with the grass below his foot not wanting to be blunt about another person’s life.

Gun looks at him curiously, ‘Then? What happened?’

‘There was an accident Gun, but there was no casualties’ Off answered, he looks up as he heard Gun gasped.

‘You’re saying?’

‘I’m saying that it’s possible Gun, it’s possible that we can turn things around’ Off smiled, his hopefulness rubbing off to Gun as Gun thought of his sister’s face from earlier today.

There is no point in not trying especially if it means that he could still be with his sister longer.

He could almost feel the smile creeping on to his face, maybe there is a chance but he still doesn’t want to get his hopes up so he just nodded his head to Off not knowing what to say after that.

After a couple of seconds, they continued on with their agenda from earlier just to ease the tension their confusion brought, ‘What about this one? What’s their name?’ Gun asks pointing on the grave at the far corner of the block. It’s the last one in the row they were looking at.

‘Wait, I can’t see it completely’ Off said bending down to brush off the dried leaves lying on top of its name.

‘Chimon Saetang’

Gun felt blood rushing to his head as he heard the name, it feels oddly familiar and weird.

‘Huh, that name sound familiar. Isn’t that the name from your script?’ Off asks standing up once again and joining Gun at the foot of the grave.

‘Yeah, I thought that was a Thai name, I didn’t think it was Chinese?’

‘I agree, that sounds more Thai than Chinese’ Off nodded looking down at Gun when he remembered something ‘By the way, did you plan on including the numbers to the script?’

‘I didn’t, it just felt right at that time. For a moment I even forgot that I was writing it for a script which is weird’ Gun answered still looking at the tombstone that is placed right in front of them. Feeling a different kind of aura from it.

‘I think life just has its way of recycling memories and moments’ Off shrugs before walking at the next one completely dismissing the coincidence, they encountered moments ago with Gun following close behind with his thoughts still anchored at the name engraved in Mandarin.

* * *

~~**44 days** ~~

‘Gun we’re dying, make that jump’

Gun shivers at Off’s voice from behind him, goosebumps overtaking his shirtless torso.

‘It’s steep, how am I supposed to jump that far down?’

‘Come on it’s not that steep and we came all the way here just for you to chicken out? Really?’ Off urges, laughing at the sight of Gun eating up his words, they are both soaking wet standing on top of the water fall that is not that high to be scary, well, for Off its not but for Gun it’s a different story as he shivers looking down at the water beneath them.

‘ _I don’t think I’ll be scared of jumping from that height’_ Off repeated Gun’s words in a mocking voice, causing Gun to glare at him.

‘Come on Gun, we won’t die from this, we still have a couple of weeks left’ Off almost screamed due to the loud sound of the water hitting the lake below. Off smiles at Gun to reassure him, reaching out for his hand before squeezing it. ‘Just say fuck it and jump, okay?’

Gun looks up at Off then down to where they are going to land once again. He took a deep breath, holding Off’s hand tighter as he nods his head.

Off laughs when Gun tried to put on a brave façade when he can still see right through him, ‘Do you trust me Gun Atthaphan?’ Off smiles at him once again, giving Gun a boost of courage, he didn’t know he has almost making him jump without a second thought. There is something about how Off is looking at him and how he was gripping his hand that felt safe, it feels natural almost.

Gun nodded abandoning all his fears at the sight of Off’s comforting smile, that’s when Off started counting down

3

2

Off looks back at Gun who has now closed his eyes tighter, gathering up the courage to sprint forward. He took a couple of beats too late, just to tease Gun before he screamed the last number.

1

And that’s all it takes for the both of them to run forward until they jumped off the edge of the water fall, Gun almost slipping in the process. For a moment Gun wanted it to last, it feels amazing of how the cold air is the only things touching his body along with Off’s hand still on his. At that brief moment he was sure that what he feels about the other is not just a shallow admiration but big jump like what they just did. It took only minutes before he felt the cold water embracing his figure, ironically making him breathe out the breath he was holding in.

The jump, disrupting the peaceful waters, made a couple waves splashing at the both of them. It didn’t take Gun that long to resurface and meet the brown eyes he doesn’t know he was longing for.

He smiles a t Off before splashing some water into its face, ‘You’re an idiot’

Off laughs at the sight of him blushing, ‘You’re the one who put this on your list, not me’ he raises his eyebrow splashing some water back to Gun. They are both trying to catch their breath while also trying to stay afloat.

They took almost half an hour just swimming around and exploring the area, if he was with another person Gun would have felt awkward with just swimming half naked, but this was Off, and there’s no such thing as an awkward encounter with Off.

The place is magical, though it may not be a famous tourist spot but it’s way better than what Gun Imagined it to be, or is it because he likes the company of a certain someone? That, he doesn’t know for sure. The leaves of the trees around them are swaying almost whispering sweet nothings into their ears, the wind’s presence is to be reckon with but it’s not too strong to be unbearable. The rocks are at every place in sight, some covered with algae and some too small to even be counted. Gun saw it all, he lets his eyes bask in the beauty of the scenery around him. Maybe it’s just his mind playing a trick on him but the way that the light hits the place is ethereal.

He tilted his head as he sees the shallow cavern by the foot of the waterfall, the water almost looks like a curtain hiding it from the world, but Gun has always been observant and this is one of the examples of things he couldn’t ignore.

‘Look there’s like a little cave in there’ he called out to Off swimming towards the empty cavern, by the sound of water splashing from behind, he could tell that Off followed him. It didn’t take them any longer than a couple of minutes to get towards their target place. The water got deeper as Gun swam closer but it’s still manageable, even for him.

‘Woah this is awesome’ Off said pulling himself up to stand in it, the water from the waterfall hitting his pale skin as he reaches out to Gun to help the latter get up.

Once the both of them are both standing below the waterfall, Gun couldn’t help but giggle the water that has been hitting his skin tickles him making him almost lose his balance but thankfully he maintains it with spreading his arms to his side, Off laughing in front of him. He looks up to glare at Off but his smile begs to differ.

He couldn’t stay annoyed at Off, not when they’re only a few inches apart and not when Off is looking at him like that.

He could feel his cheeks getting higher as he smiles from ear to ear. It feels silly to forget about all they have to do and just live for a moment but it feels good. Better than anything Gun has ever felt. Off smiles back at him scratching the back of his neck, the water still hitting their bodies.

‘Thank you for coming with me today’ Gun said, sheepishly looking down on the wet rocks beneath his feet.

‘What?!’ Off screamed in reply, the sound of the water hitting the rocks and the lake got a lot louder now that they are literally beneath the fall.

‘I said! Thank you! For coming with me today!’

‘What?! I can’t hear you!’ Off screamed back once again with a faint smirk lurking on his face, Gun rolled his eyes at him hitting his left arm.

But gravity is present and it’s great at doing its job.

As Gun slipped forward to Off due to the reckless movement he did by hitting Off on the arm, thankfully Off is as sturdy as a wall embracing Gun in the process. Their half naked bodies colliding. Gun swears he could feel Off’s pulse matching his. A moment went by and none of them made a move, just the water falling down on them sending vibrations down Gun’s spine.

The heat from their bodies cancelled the coldness of the breeze and the water. Gun is shivering and it’s not because he’s drenched but it’s because of Off’s arms around him. It took him all the courage he has to look up at the man holding him just to be welcomed by deep pools of warmth. Not even a hint of hesitation crossed Off’s eyes as he smiles before leaning down to press his soft lips onto Gun’s beautifully shaped lips.

Gun almost turn his head and lean away.

He almost pushes Off gently but he’s glad he didn’t as he closes his eyes and tiptoed to meet Off halfway.

Their bodies are wet and there is not a single soul around, normally Gun would freak out and be a nervous wreck but he almost sigh in relief as their lips started moving to deepen the kiss. He almost breathed out, he didn’t know he wanted this this bad, but as his body reacted to the way Off touches him and how his lips fit perfectly with his, Gun knows there is nothing he would regret.

He snakes his arms around Off’s neck, pulling him closer than he ever was. Gun almost smacked Off’s evident cockiness when he felt Off smile during the kiss but he couldn’t think of anything other than the taste of Off’s lips on his.

Off pulled away for moment just to look into Gun’s eyes, leaning in again for a quick peck before smiling to the smaller man still in his arms.

Gun feels a lot of things;

The water still heavy on every drop,

The cold and hard rocks by his feet,

The sturdy arms wrapped to his figure,

and the feel of Off’s eyes on him.

Right at this moment his days aren’t numbered for it feels never ending. He feels infinite.

* * *

**OFF AND GUN list of excuses to say "fuck it" and wander around; NOT A BUCKET LIST **

**OFF**

  1. ~~Visit the abandoned building in the nearby town~~
  2. Get a Tattoo
  3. ~~Get to see the band, Three Man Down, perform live~~



**GUN**

  1. ~~Get to visit a waterfall; swim in it~~
  2. Adopt a rescue animal
  3. Win at least something related to script writing



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! I didn't use Chimon's real name because it's weird and it felt wrong so hehe :))


	19. Chapter 19

Off went home with a smile on his face, so many questions are running through his mind and all of them consists of the small guy that lives in his head rent free. He doesn’t know why he did what he did earlier but all the suppressed feelings he has for a couple of weeks gave him so much more reasons than proper reasoning. He doesn’t need to think of whys when it comes to Gun because out of all the things in his life it is Gun which whom he was sure of. Now he couldn’t stop thinking of those soft lips on his and the way Gun closes his eyes while his breath becomes uneven, it’s enough to keep Off wanting more.

Off grips the doorknob to his bedroom tighter as he thinks of Gun and the water flowing through them, it was perfe-

His peaceful thoughts were disrupted by unexpected guests on his bed. He rolled his eyes as he almost threw his shoes at the couple waiting for him like it was the most normal thing in the world.

‘Dude, it’s late, why did you just come home now?’ Tay asked munching on some chips on his bed which makes Off even more stressed than the fact that both him and New are there.

‘What the fuck are you two doing on my bed at this time of the day?’ He groans but he couldn’t get himself to lash out as he saw New blushing while looking down on his hand, now this is for sure all of Tay’s idea.

‘Well we went to the arcade down the street and I just thought that it was close to your house so why not pay you a visit while we’re at it’ Tay explained, rolling around to look at Off more clearly.

‘So, you just decided to wait on my bed? You know that’s why we have a living room right? To receive guests’ Off sighs, rolling a chair towards the foot of his bed. There is no way in hell he’d sit with the couple, crowding up the bed.

‘You’re acting like this is all new to you, I have been sleeping here for as long as I can remember’ Tay rolled his eyes as he decided to just let it go since he doesn’t have any energy left to argue with his best friend. ‘Plus, it’s been awhile since we’ve catch up with each other because we’re either at school or shooting so we can’t really talk that much or sometimes you’re just too busy with a certain someone who is in fact not your boyfriend, as you said,’ Tay raises his hands in surrender, earning a chuckle from New.

Off shook his head, dismissing the thought of their shared kiss from earlier as the mention of Gun resurfaced.

‘I missed you dude, for a moment there I thought you replaced me with someone else, someone better’ Tay wiped his fake tears, standing up and hugging Off just to tease the latter. He smiled wickedly as he hears Off groan from under him trying to push him away.

‘Fuck off’ Off whined when Tay keeps on latching himself at him.

New cleared his throat looking at them, ‘So, where did you guys go?’ he asks leaning back on one of Off’s pillows, gaining confidence now that Tay successfully broke the ice.

‘What do you mean we? How are you even sure that I was with Gun?’ Off rolled his eyes trying to divert New’s attention, he doesn’t want anything to lead into him summarizing what happened earlier. He wants to keep that moment for himself for now. It’s too intimate to just blurt out.

New looks at him with unbelief. ‘Duh, then who else would you be with?’

‘I have friends…’ Off trailed, even he doesn’t believe that.

‘Oh, I’m sure you do’ Tay made a face at him plopping back beside New.

Off looks at the couple in front of him, they seem to be very at ease with each other. Comfortable enough to the point where New didn’t even flinch when Tay rested his head on his lap, a little too cheesy for Off to witness but he’s glad that Tay is going to be okay if he won’t escape what would happen after a couple of weeks. He’s hopeful that there’s a chance to stop it like what he witnessed happened to the man he helped but he couldn’t deny the fear that is still lurking in the back of his head, how would he even know how to stop it if he doesn’t know what will cause it in the first place.

He feels guilty to leave Tay after what happened to Mek, he knows how painful it is to lose a friend and he doesn’t want Tay to feel that again after he just moved on from the first one. He also feels guilty to pass that burden to New when he’s not sure if Gun is also going to live, if that’s what’s going to happen then he’s not sure if these two in front of him will still be able to smile and joke like the way they are at the moment.

‘Earth to Off’ Tay stated waving his hand in the air, too lazy to get up and do it right in front of Off’s face.

Off shook his head before he clears his throat, shoving those negative thoughts at the back of his mind.

‘You’re not really going to tell us where you went?’ New asks again while he started combing Tay’s hair, Off chuckles on his seat while he shook his head no.

‘Wow, you’re even more stingy than how I thought you’d be when you get yourself a boyfriend’ Tay sighs, his eyes half close from the sensation he’s getting from New playing with his hair.

‘He’s not my boyfriend’

‘But you wish he was?’ New raises his eyebrow.

Off turns around organizing the things from his bag earlier, he doesn’t want to ruin the wet clothes he used so he took it too hang in his bathroom, leaving the crazy couple laughing at his way of ignoring their questions.

* * *

Gun giggled when he felt Off push him so that he’s laying on his back, smirking as he makes his way on top of Gun. Gun could feel the tingles on his cheeks and his spine as Off leans in to press his lips on Gun’s, making the latter whimper. His hands found its way on Gun’s, neck caressing it while he deepens the kiss. All of these feels Euphoric for Gun, Off nibbling on his lower lip while his weight fully on Gun’s body, stopping him from escaping even if he doesn’t really want to. Gun didn’t even try to stop his arms from snaking on Off’s neck as he whimpers, feeling the need to touch more of Off.

To feel more of Off.

The night is still young ang they were both just getting started as Off trailed his lips on Gun’s neck, leaving wet trails of kisses. Gun arches his back as he feels Off sucking on the skin of his collar bone, leaving a mark to remind him tomorrow of what happened for tonight. Gun moans in pleasure not having the power to stop his desperate pleas. He felt Off smirks against his skin when he started grinding his hips almost begging for more. He pushes Off so that he is now on top of him, he leans in to give Off a quick peck on the lips, leaning in once again and kissing Off fully before he darted his tongue which Off welcomed without hesitation. This time everything is more urgent as both of them can’t keep their hands off of each other, wandering to places heated with desire.

Gun could feel the heat radiating from the both of them as he could feel his jeans getting tighter by every second, Off groans from under him after feeling Gun’s hands on his heated skin. Almost like a drop of water onto a heated iron.

Gun pulled away from Off, smiling down at the taller one, he looks down at the man below as he presses his hands on Off’s neck, Off looks at him with confusion as he tightens his grip, almost uncomfortable and definitely unwelcomed. He tightens it once again, choking Off until its cheeks turn red and veins pop from his forehead and his neck. Gun couldn’t stop his hands from exerting more pressure down on Off’s neck. He couldn’t look away either as he stares at Off’s widened eyes. Off tried to pry his hands from his neck but he couldn’t stop. He didn’t give Off a chance to gasped for air as he could see the oxygen leaving Off’s body and he can already feel the tears running down his face. His hands are still on Off’s neck despite the taps Off is giving to him asking him to stop, he couldn’t move it even if he wanted too.

Here he is on top of Off, watching as the life leaves Off’s body.

He watches as Off rolled his eyes back before he stops moving.

Gun could feel shivers down his spine when he realizes what he just did, he couldn’t breathe as he looks around him and everything is starting to fade into darkness.

* * *

Gun gasps for air as soon as he opens his eyes, he touches his cheeks to feel the tears which escaped from his eyes moments ago. It took a second before he realizes that all of that is just a dream, he looks at the clock on his bedside table to see that it’s already three in the morning. He let out a breath before he scooches to another position where he’s looking up at the ceiling. He couldn’t get the image Off’s lifeless body out of his head. The way that Off was trying to grasp some air and his aggressive taps on Gun’s hand on wrapped on his neck is enough to make Gun shiver.

He took a couple of long breaths before he tries to close his eyes, wanting to catch some more sleep before going to school but his ears rung with the sound of Off’s struggle with trying to breathe.

He hugs his pillow tighter not having a choice but to wait for the morning to come, dismissing the thought of losing Off.

* * *

~~**43 days** ~~

Gun walks down their kitchen to get himself something to eat before going to school when he saw his mother sipping on a cup of something questionable while talking to his sister Jane. Her back facing him, he was about to just ignore her and escape through the back door when he heard her speak.

‘You know I’m glad you’re planning on taking up that college program’ She said in between the blows to her coffee. ‘I’m happy that you’re starting to get serious with your future’

For a moment she sounded like her old self, controlling but not hollow, making Gun think that she’s somehow there but he doesn’t want to get his hopes up into getting much from her. He was about to turn around and leave completely when his mother stood up to get a refill of her drink.

‘Oh Gun, why won’t you have some breakfast first? I made some hash browns’ She offered, the look on her face almost deceiving Gun but there is still a look of fakeness from it which almost make Gun want to vomit.

‘No thank you’

‘What about some coffee?’ She presses on trying to catch his attention.

This feels more like her trying to manipulate him into trusting her once again than her trying to care, ‘If you were actually here, you would know that none of us drinks coffee, and you would know that Jane has always been serious about her career, but that’s just some things a mother should have an idea about, I don’t know about you’ Gun spat not being able to contain what he truly felt. It’s hard enough that he had a terrible nightmare and that he was unable to sleep after that, but now it’s harder to swallow this forced bonding or whatever their mother tries to call it.

It makes him even angrier that a guy he met a couple of weeks ago knows these little things about him and their mother doesn’t. It really is not a big deal, but the small things are the ones the really get you.

‘Gun’

‘You know what? I’m not angry at you so don’t try to use that against me as I could already feel that you would. I just hope that you won’t play with our feelings this way, trying to get our hopes up and all just to snatch it back once you’re done with it’

‘Gun I am not trying to do that’ She explains as Gun turns his back towards her ‘I’m getting sober’

Gun turns his head to her, raising an eyebrow. ‘What’s that got to do with us?’ He looks back at Jane who is now looking down at the food their mother made. Jane always had a soft heart, so no matter what their mom did, she was always ready to forgive her and give her a chance, that only made Gun want to protect her even more, He doesn’t want her hurting because of their mother again, they’ve been doing that since they were so young and Gun doesn’t want to go through it again.

‘Gun I want to be better for the both of you’ She pleaded but Gun’s conviction is stronger that her desperation as he shook his head and roll his eyes at her.

‘And what? You want us to thank you? You want us to leap with joy, just because one day you decided to be a better mom? We’re your children we don’t need to beg you to change “mom”, that should be given, don’t you think?’

‘I know Gun, I know, but please give me a chance to make it up to the both of you. I know I haven’t been present for a very long time’

‘You got that right’

She sighs, resting her hand on her hip while trying to think of ways of how to talk to her children that grew out from her, ‘Gun I’m sorry. I don’t really have much to say but that’

‘We’ve both made it this far without you, what makes you think that we’ll need you now?’ He argues griping the strap of his bag tighter as he closes his eyes.

‘Gun I could help you-’

‘Help me with what? I refuse to be an excuse so that you would feel better about yourself. I won’t let you use us just so that you’ll get rid of the guilt that I know has been eating you up, you’ve done that enough. You’ve abandoned us because you can’t own up to your own mistakes and now all of a sudden you wanted to be “sober” and clear things up? Bullshit’ Gun glared at her before storming out of their house. He wants to drag Jane with him but he just couldn’t think straight at the moment.

It’s only eight thirty in the morning but can this day get any worse?

* * *

Apparently, it can, as numbers started to appear the moment Gun sat down in his chair towards the back of the class, sweat starting to slide down his face and his stomach started to turn as he immediately looks down not giving much attention to the numbers. After all the years of having this, Gun learned how to not retain any of the numbers he’ll see at the first couple of minutes of it happening, but that’s just for a split second, after that, the number would be clear as a day so he has to be extra careful with it.

He sighs looking out of the window.

When will this torture stop?

When will he be free from all of this?

He has yet to figure out.

* * *

~~**42 days** ~~

‘It would be better if we try and get them to express the fear more, I think’ Arm suggested to the group of people sitting down with him. They are currently on a break after they took a couple of takes for a certain scene with Tay still not satisfied.

‘I don’t know if that’s it, I mean for me they’re clearly scared but I still don’t feel it, there’s something missing’ Tay shook his head searching his brain for what lacks in the actors’ performance.

‘Maybe it’s the connection between the two?’ Off said suddenly, catching everyone’s attention, ‘Well I mean, for what I got in the story there is clearly something more going on between Nanon and Chimon. I think that what’s lacking to be honest’

‘You mean they’re actually boyfriends?’ Mild smirks, wigging her eyebrows at the thought of it, having hope that the characters she “ships” may have an underlying romance that wasn’t clearly stated on the first draft of the script.

‘Well, not exactly, but close? I think they have a special relationship that is so much more than them sharing a wall and all that’ off shrugs, earning a nod from Tay.

‘Okay let’s try that, remind me to add that to the modification of the script’ He asks New who willingly agreed.

‘Gun do you think that’s okay?’ Arm asks the small guy who’s oddly sitting very quietly. He nods once Arm finishes his question, ‘I think that’s fine, I could edit something out in the script I guess’

‘For me, I think to write a good script you should have someone to inspire you with that certain emotion, am I right?’ New asks the others, ignoring the glares Gun is starting to throw towards his direction.

He knows what New is trying to say and he doesn’t want to entertain it because a part of him is still scared that despite all the things that happened and all the things him and Off shared together it would only end up in heartbreak.

‘I think so too, Gun do you want someone to help you with that?’ Tay asks catching on pretty quick with what his boyfriend is suggesting. Gun groaned avoiding the gaze of his friends, especially the ones from Off.

‘I don’t think a good writer has to experience it fully to express it through his art’ Even the moment that those words left his lips he knew he was lying. He almost wants to smack himself in the head for being too obvious about his excuses.

‘But I’m sure you’re thinking about someone while you’re going to write it, right?’ Mild butted in, ‘Now that we’re here talking about this, Gun, have you ever had someone you like, it feels like I haven’t heard something about your love life since freshmen year’

Gun rolled his eyes at her, annoyed that the questions thrown to him are completely irrelevant to their project.

‘Oh, no, Gun is a complete virgin’ New blurted out, making Gun choke on his drink.

Oh no he didn’t just say that.

‘What the fuck New’ Gun could feel his cheeks getting hotter as every one’s eyes are now on him.

‘No shit’ Arm chuckles watching the chaos unfold in front of him.

‘Really? You’re just going to do me like that?’ Gun shoots daggers at New as he almost spat at him. New shrugs, laughing while looking at Gun like he didn’t just out him as a virgin. ‘This’ Gun said motioning to all of them before he continues ‘Should stop, heck, it shouldn’t even have started in the first place. Go and take your nosy asses out of my business. Plus, why me? I’m the least interesting in this group’

‘That’s exactly why we’re talking about you, maybe someone who’s willing to help you get an interesting life is in this exact circle, I mean, we never know’ Tay jokes side eyeing Off which earns a hard kick on his other side.

‘Oh God please stop’ Gun groans making the others laugh at his flustered state. His couldn’t stop his eyes from wandering towards the person his friends are not so subtly talking about, just to see those exact eyes already looking at him.

 _‘Oh crap’_ He thought to himself as he tries to retreat his gaze, blood still rushing to his cheeks.

* * *

‘So how do you think we would go out?’ Off stated patting down the grass before laying on it.

‘We? You think we’re going to die together?’ Gun asks crossing his leg and looking down at Off.

‘Well what else do you think? We have the same numbers down to the minutes. It’s too exact to even be coincidence’ Off raises his left arm and reaching out towards the nights sky with no reason behind it.

‘I would just want to sleep then never wake up, that’s the least painful way to go’ Gun answered casually.

‘Nah that’s not it for me, I would refuse to sleep knowing I wouldn’t be able to open my eyes ever again I think that’s even harder than just straight up dying because you’ll just die without even trying to get out of it’ He shook his head at Gun who is now looking at something else and not him.

‘You know, I dreamt of you the other night’ Guns suddenly confessed.

‘Is it a wet dream?’ Off teased, laughing when Gun pinch his sides, a blush evident on his cheeks.

‘No’ Gun blurted before actually thinking about it, God he’s a mess around Off, panicking and all that shit. ‘I mean, to be really honest, kind of but that’s not just it’ Off laughs at the first statement before giving Gun a chance to continue his story.

‘Why? What is it?’ He asks concern filling his tone when he saw a faint fear crossing Gun’s expression.

‘I dreamt that you died’

‘Gun...’

‘That’s not just it Off, I was the one who killed you’

‘Gun that’s just a dream’ Off quickly said, he doesn’t want Gun overthinking their situation even more.

‘I know, but it feels wrong you know? The dream was so vivid that it felt real for a moment and I can’t let go of that worry knowing that we’ve got just a few weeks to live’

‘Gun, we’re not sure if that’s even true so let’s not jump into anything for now’

‘Yeah I guess so, and actually I kinda feel the pressure already. The other day, I went out with my sister and at those moments I couldn’t help but think of the way to make it up to her while I still can’

‘You too huh? Last night I kept thinking the same about Tay and it kept me up all night just thinking of my family and the ones I would leave behind if ever.’

‘I guess it’s true, a man would spend their days thinking about dying but when you threw them in the middle of the ocean with them not knowing how to swim, they would give it their all to stay alive’ Gun sighs giving in and laying besides Off.

‘But our luck hasn’t run out completely Gun, I know for a fact that there’s still hope for us, we have to keep staying afloat, we have to’ Off whispers

* * *

Off decided to walk around before going straight home after him and Gun parted ways. No matter how hard he tries to avoid it, he keeps thinking of how they would be able to turn things around. He wants to look confident in front of Gun but deep down he knows he’s just as scared. Out of all the people he saw numbers off, the man was the only one who survived so it seems a little naïve to just hope because of that.

His feet drag him towards a familiar route that the man was apparently living at, he feels like a stalker but this is the only way he could think of that will help him find peace later tonight. He looks around the area, the place is well lit considering that it’s already late at night, he walks towards where the accident happened and it took him a couple of minutes as he revisits that certain memory of his.

He’s not sure on whether where the man is currently residing at but he still kept on walking, there’s a voice inside of him urging him to walk a little further. He’s not sure on what he was trying to get from this it’s not like he’ll knock on doors trying to ask the man to get some answers but the next thing he knew is he’s almost down the end of the street.

He was about to go back and just let things go when something caught his eyes.

**Rest in Peace**

**Supot Chueamanee**

**Burial: 8 am, 08. 15. 2020 at St. Peter’s memorial**

He felt his knees buckling as he read the words written in bold capital letters printed on a tarpaulin, a notice to let their neighbors know when and where the burial is.

Suddenly, he couldn’t get himself to breathe-in oxygen as he looks at the picture of the man who gave him hope these couple of days. He must have died after their encounter, I mean that’s the only explanation he could think of. Off could feel the hair at the back of his head standing up, he could feel the night breeze brushing past him.

There goes his hope,

And there goes their chance to turn things around.


	20. Chapter 20

Off shifted on his bed, the picture of the man he saw from earlier running through his mind. Everything feels scarier now that there’s actually a possibility that they won’t make it, that they’ll be gone without much of a fight.

‘This couldn’t be it, right?’ He sighs, breathing out the questions he’s been trying to avoid. He still wants to believe that there’s a chance, even if it’s just for Gun and he refuses to think that the light in Gun’s eyes would be taken away by the end of next month. His heart becomes heavier the more he thinks about it.

‘No, this is not it. This can’t be ’ He whispers, looking up at his ceiling trying to think of things he has yet to experience.

Except it was.

* * *

~~**41 days** ~~

‘Off I know this is your favorite so I bought it when I got by the store from earlier’ his mom informed him, setting the container of Phanaeng curry in front of him. ‘Oh, I also asked the lady to not make it as spicy, like you’d normally ask’ She added turning around to look for something to eat in the fridge.

‘Oh, thank God you bought it, I thought you were the one who cooked it’ His dad sighs, entering the room and sitting down beside Off, ‘Now I at least could take a bite’ he jokes earning a glare from his wife who is now peeping through the door of the refrigerator. Off chuckling from beside him.

Off loves it when his dad teases his mom, it gives him an idea on how they were when they were still teen agers. He can see his dad trying to annoy his mom just so he could get her attention while her mom pretends to not be affected by any of these.

Since he was younger, he saw the way his parents look at each other and since then he had the idea of how admiration can affect people, it’s just that he wasn’t aware that he would meet the person who will make his mind swirl and his stomach churn this early in his life, but given the fact that he may not live as long makes him think thay maybe the timing was right after all.

A little late, but just right.

He looks back to his dad then towards his mom, to see them enjoying their playful banter this early in the morning. It saddens him that he will not be able to see this for long or the fact that their smiles might fade once he was gone.

‘Fine, you go and make your own Pad thai. I don’t care’ She said closing the door of the refrigerator and crossing her arm on her chest, a playful smile on her lips, catching the attention of Off.

‘There goes the pouting, I suppose I should retreat now soldier’ His dad said to him like his mom is not in the same room as them, saluting his hand to Off before making his way towards his wife and hugging her from behind.

‘You know I’m just joking honey, I love your cooking even though sometimes I feel the gallbladder stones forming' He laughs, groaning when his wife’s elbow ended up on his abdominal area. Off’s mom smirking when he bends down from the pain, resulting into him trying to lift her up while she squeals.

‘How about I get out of here and you two get a room or something?’ Off raises his eyebrow before standing up, grabbing the food his mother bought and setting it on top of the fridge, which indicates that he’ll eat it later today and that no one should touch it.

His parents laugh at his last remark before he attempts to leave the room.

‘Off, don’t forget your uncle will visit later, so you better be here at around four in the afternoon. It’s been so long since you last saw each other’ His mother called out as soon as he steps a foot outside of the room towards the hallway.

‘Uncle Nan?’ He asks, turning around to face his parents once again. Excitement crosses his face when his mother nodded as a confirmation.

Damn, it has been so long since he saw his favorite uncle.

‘Okay I’ll make sure to get home by then’ He answered, before he continues on his way out.

* * *

‘So, the D-day is fast approaching, do you have any progress?’ Tay asks, sipping on his drink. Off went directly to the canteen owned by Tay’s family as soon as he went out of the house. They agreed to meet each other today, like how they did when things weren’t as shitty.

Off sighs, he couldn’t get himself to say that Gun already knows about his numbers without him leading into saying his own numbers so he just decided to keep it to himself for now.

‘Not really, no’ Off shook his head at his friend before turning his head hoping to see something else rather than Tay’s curious eyes. He doesn’t want to see Tay oblivious to what was about to happen.

‘So, what’s the plan then?’

‘I don’t know, maybe we’ll just try whatever we can when the day comes’ he shrugs popping a snack they bought from the next door canteen into his mouth.

‘Well we better do something or all of our efforts will be put to waste, isn’t that why we started in the first place?’ Tay asks concern dripping from his voice, he’s concern deeply about Gun and he doesn’t want to experience what they had experienced when Mek passed away, but he’s more concern about New. He knows how that would break New and he doesn’t how he’ll respond to it.

‘Yeah, I guess so, I’ll try I swear. I just have to find a way on how to do it’ Off answers, he really does want to try, but right now there isn’t anything he could think of that would help.

He sips on his drink, looking down at the table, not being able to think of anything else to say when Tay suddenly speaks up.

‘And Off?’

‘Hmm?’

‘Can we try and spare New from this information?’

‘You don’t have to tell me that, I know how heart broken he would be if he knew the possibility of his best friend dying by the end of next month’ He could see the pressure cooling down from Tay’s expression.

‘Okay, I said that just to remind you. Plus, it’s not ours to tell, just Imagine how difficult that must be for him if that really happened, it’s like saying that you’ll lose me by next month or that I’ll lose you’ 

‘Yeah, that would be heart breaking’ He replies blandly, he couldn’t imagine Tay losing his friends in a span of just a decade.

‘Oh, it will be, losing a friend will never be easy even after a couple of years pass.’ Tay looks down at the stained table, his mind wandering back to their late friend Mek. ‘So, let’s do whatever we can to keep Gun alive.’

‘Yeah, that’

* * *

‘Sweetie we’re in here!’ His mom called out from their living room the moment the door closes from behind him. He took his shoes off and went straight towards where the people are.

‘There he is!’ His uncle Nan greeted, the moment his presence graces the people conversing with each other. Off looks around only to see his mom sitting on one of the smaller sofas and his uncle Nan sitting in front of her.

The atmosphere feels light, like how it always feels when his uncle pays them a visit.

‘Hey uncle Nan! You took too long with that research of yours, I almost forgot how you looked like for a moment’ He jokes earning a couple of chuckles from the people inside the room.

‘Kid I’m still as good looking don’t worry’ His uncle replied, moving a little to his right side to leave space for his nephew, which then Off gladly sat on. Age did well to his uncle, he still looks the same except for a couple wrinkles on the side of his eyes and some grey hairs he didn’t bother plucking out or dyeing but what captures the people around him the most is his vibrant smile that hasn’t fade after all the years.

‘How are you? Have a special someone yet?’ His uncle teased wiggling his eyebrows at Off who immediately shook his head. ‘Stop being so modest Off, we all know you got people head’s over heels for you. Well, I’m not the one to boast but I think you got your looks from me, so tell me the deets. Wait, is that how young people say it these days? Deets?’

Off rolled his eyes at his uncle’s way of relating to him. ‘Uncle there’s no one with the same age as me, who says it like that’

‘Fine whatever, I’m an old tart, but this old tart misses you a lot and here you are making me feel old and all that’ His uncles pouts, making Off make a face at him.

‘Nan, stop harassing my son’ His mom warned jokingly to his brother.

‘What? I can’t ask my favorite nephew about his life?’

‘You can, but aren’t good uncles start off with questions about their nephew’s academic life and all?’

‘And what’s the thrill in that? You know, growing old is boring so I might as well just ask about other people’s businesses. Plus, I know for a fact that Off didn’t just got his looks from me but also his brain’ Nan laugh, bumping his shoulder with Off to emphasize his point.

‘It’s not too late to find a partner, Nan. Why don’t you go ahead and do that instead of digging into Off’s non-existent love life?’ His father asks, walking into the room before taking a seat besides his mother.

‘Nah, I’m too old for that shit anyways’

‘Language’ His mom interrupted, pointing her chin towards to Off who rolls his eyes in reply.

‘Mom, I’m literally a college student’

‘That’s true, anyways, back to what I was saying. Nan, you’re only on your forties I don’t think there’s a limit about these things as long as you’re acting appropriately.’ His dad suggested once again.

‘I just, I think there’s much more important things in life than just finding a partner especially at this age, heck, I can’t even visit you guys, that’s how busy I am and plus I am not you like you two’ He said pointing at the married couple sitting closely with each other, looking like they just got married from a couple of months ago. ‘I’m not lucky enough to find the “one” that I could spend the rest of my days with’

‘You didn’t?’ Off asks out of a sudden making everyone stay still for a couple of seconds, ‘What?’ He asks once the atmosphere started to feel a little heavy.

‘Well I don’t know’ His uncle hesitated for a minute or two before he continues, thinking that there must be no harm into reliving his past for just a couple of minutes. ‘I mean there was this one guy when I was younger and it just didn’t work out the way we thought’ He shrugs, reaching out for the iced tea in front of him before taking a sip, moments from his past came rushing back, along with the regrets he still carries up until today.

‘Where is he now?’ Off asks, letting his curiosity get the best of him.

‘Honey I think it’s not the right time to ask your uncle sudden questions like this’ His mother shook his head at him which Off respectfully oblige thinking that maybe it was a soft topic so he decided to let it go but his uncle carried on anyways.

‘No, it’s okay’ Nan dismisses before looking at Off sitting beside him ‘Unfortunately, he died before we even had the chance to start a relationship so’ He answered setting his drink down where it was seconds ago.

Off felt a slight turn in the pit of his stomach as he remembers Gun and their numbers, why is it that no one seems to have it their way in life?

‘And after that you didn’t try again with other people?’ He asks, feeling his mother’s gaze boring a hole onto his head but he decided to ask anyways.

‘Kid, once you find it, it’s hard not to try and seek for it in other places but upon looking we might just find out that there’s only one and no replacements of that feeling we had’

‘Okay that’s it, let’s move on before everybody started speaking in metaphors’ His mom interfered, waving her hands no, and everybody seems to agree.

They carried on with another topic while Off ponders over the words from his uncle, he couldn’t seem to get the image of Gun off of his head.

* * *

~~**40 days** ~~

‘Is this necessary?’ Tay whines before plopping on bean bag chair from New’s condo unit.

‘I don’t know, this is Mild’s idea’ New sighs, setting down snacks on the table in front of them along with the bottles of alcohol they are about to consume.

For Gun, this feels like plain disaster waiting to happen as he remembers how Mild has a very low alcohol tolerance and how New becomes heated after a couple of shots.

‘I just missed you guys so much that I want to spend time with y’all’ She said with a sarcastic tone before embracing Arm, who then tries to push her away.

‘Ew, can you like, get off of me?’ Arm groans pushing her harder but Mild latches on even tighter, making Arm give up and just let her be. The two looks like siblings from another mother and Gun couldn’t help but admire them for that.

‘I’m not drinking’ Gun muttered on his favorite corner making every pair of eyes in the room divert to him. There is not a single thing that will convince him otherwise, after their mom fell down the rabbit hole of alcoholism, he swore not to be like her or to be a drunk brother to Jane so since that day forward he promised not to have a sip of alcohol while Jane is still relying on him.

‘What? Why?’ Mild freaked out, a little too over dramatic for anyone’s liking.

‘All of us getting wasted would only result into disaster so I might as well just watch you guys make choices you will definitely regret tomorrow’ He made up a generic excuse, hoping that they would just drop the subject.

‘Suit yourself’ New shrugs, knowing full well why Gun doesn’t want to drink before he opens the first bottle and pouring some of its content into a shot glass and offering it to Off, who’s sitting cross legged in front of Gun.

‘I think I should sit this one out too’ He shook his head and laughing at them.

‘Boo! What a lame excuse for a person’ Mild shouted from her seat, raising a thumbs down at Off who just quietly waved her off.

‘Peng, come on, I’m not letting you sit this one out. It’s been so long since we’ve done this.’ Tay whined before downing the first shot, officially starting their night of shenanigans. ‘This isn’t even that strong’ Tay raises his eyebrow, smirking when Off looked like he’s actually considering it.

‘Fine’ He groans scooching over the rest of their friends and accepting the shot New offers once again, he knows Tay wouldn’t drop the subject easily and he knows it would just annoy the shit out of him so he decided to just go along with it.

He downs the shot, feeling the sting going down his throat with a bitter aftertaste making him scrunch his face in the process. ‘What in the bloody hell kind of alcohol is that? Did you just give me gasoline to trick me? Come on, be honest’ He asks New, who only shrugs his shoulder at him.

‘My older brother recommended me this, saying this is what they drank when he passed out on our front yard laying on his own vomit’ Mild confessed right after the first round of shots are done.

‘Fucking hell’ Arm laughs, ‘Buckle up then’

* * *

‘Get this get this, what if I started barking?’ Mild slurs, burping right after while putting her arm on one of the guys she couldn’t see clearly.

‘You mean like a dog?’ Arm asks her back laughing, he’s enjoying this way too much and it shows.

Gun looks around, making his way back from the bathroom. Tay and New is nowhere to be found which is kind of alarming but Gun decided to just let them be. Mild started growling before it progresses into actual barking, making Arm lay on his back from too much laughter and Off standing outside on the small balcony. Gun decided not to interrupt the crazy duo when Arm started barking as well, scrunching his nose at the two drunk kids before making his way towards off.

‘You’re not drunk yet?’ He asks looking up at Off just to check.

‘Nah, I tricked them into thinking that I’m actually drinking when they’re a little drunk to even notice’

‘Well, glad to know there’s still someone who’s not barking nor missing’ Gun chuckles, gripping the railings of the balcony just to give his hands something to do. After the day from the waterfall, he tends to find himself fidgeting when he’s around Off.

The question of what are they lingers in his mind but he doesn’t have enough courage to actually ask. What is he supposed to do anyway? It might make things a more awkward than how he feels, but is he supposed to just think of it casually? when he knows how much the taller lad affects him.

This is one if the things Gun wouldn’t be able to figure out on his own, and he’s not really supposed to. A relationship is a mutual understanding by both parties, he just has to wait for Off to figure it out with him.

‘Gun do you think that there’s still a chance for us to live through this?’ Off asks suddenly, taking Gun by surprise. His mind is somewhere else farther where Off’s mind is currently at and this is the first, he heard of Off having doubts about their situation when Off sounded so confident the last time that they talked with each other.

‘What do you mean? I thought you were so confident a couple of days ago, didn’t you say that you saw the man live through his supposed numbers?’ Gun tilted his head with confusion crossing his face. Off looks beside him, directly into Gun’s eyes and at that moment Gun confirmed that he’s as sober as he can be.

‘Well the man that I sa-’ He was about to answer when they heard screaming coming from the inside of the unit.

‘What the fuck?’ Gun asks looking at Off before looking back inside. ‘I better check up on them’ he said before going back, the two drunk monkeys are still laughing at each other when he makes his way in, making him worry even more confirming that the scream was from Tay or New. He followed the noise, only for him to be directed towards New’s bedroom.

He took a deep breath, expecting the worst or the grosest, before opening the door. He involuntary rolled his eyes when he was welcomed with another scream.

‘Hin! I think I’m in love with you!’ Tay screamed on top of his lungs, while New stopped jumping on his bed, crossing his arms at Tay which Gun almost laughed at.

‘Hin? Who the fuck is Hin?’ He raises his eyebrow as he slurs down towards Tay, getting ready to flip out.

‘You, dummy.’ Tay answered, ruffling New’s hair making the latter calm down. Gun couldn’t help but look at the couple in front of him even though his toes are curling from the cringe he’s getting. Tay and New alone together, or when they think they’re alone, turns into this cheesy 90’s rom-com couple that Gun couldn’t stand, but he has to admit it’s kind of cute.

He could feel a smile creeping on his face quickly vanished even before it was formed when the couple in front of him started making out.

‘Oh God’ He shut the door from behind him looking down at the ground, that’s a sight he didn’t asked for.

Not even in a million years.

‘I think it’s time for us to drop the other two home and let those two have their alone time’ Off laughs scratching the back of his head, his presence startling Gun for a moment before he took composure once again.

‘Yeah, I think that’s a great idea’ He nodded going back to help the other mess in the living room.

* * *

‘My mom is going to kill me, but I might die after a couple of weeks so fuck it’ Off said, opening the door of a tattoo parlor with Gun following closely behind. 

‘Are you sure about this? I mean you can still back out’ Gun suggested while looking at the sample tattoos posted right at the entrance. After dropping off Arm and Mild, Off had this wild thought that he should probably get that tattoo that he always wanted, dragging Gun along with him.

Even though the place looks sanitary and it doesn’t look sketchy at all, plus, it’s the one with the highest rating around their town for costumer services, it is still better to be safe that’s why Gun wanted to give Off some more options before he carried on with his plan. At least he could say that he never missed the chance to warn Off.

‘I’ve wanted this since I can remember so’ Off answered, looking as convinced as he could possibly can. He probably planned this for a very long time, and it shows that he’s ready to commit to it right at this very moment which made Gun let him be as he nodded before he watches Off walk towards the owner of the place standing behind the counter.

‘Hi, I was wondering if I could get a tattoo of just a plain box right here’ Off explained what tattoo he wanted to get to the man at the front desk before he looks back at Gun.

‘You sure you don’t want one?’ Off raises his eyebrow looking back at Gun. ‘I mean, this might be our last chance’

‘It’s going to take a lot more convincing than that Off’ Gun smirks before he makes his way towards Off and the man. He opens the clear book on the counter to look for sample pictures, not that he was actually considering it but the curiosity got the best of him. He flips through pages while Off discusses the price and the design he wanted with the owner up until the guy suddenly spoke up,

‘You know this tattoo reminds me of one of the first tattoos I did to someone’ He started, not really catching Gun’s full attention but he still manages to hear what the man was trying to say as he continues, ‘Normally I wouldn’t remember the tattoos or the people, but that couple just had the vibe that will really stick with you. One of them got something like this, the one that you’re getting’ he explains before Off interfered.

‘Well it’s a pretty generic tattoo, I think a lot of people actually wants to have the same one’

‘I guess that’s true, it is kind of generic, I’m sorry I just randomly remembered the both of them.’

‘It’s okay’ Off shrugs before asking, ‘but what did the other one get?’ Purely out of curiosity he decided to ask, since they opened the topic anyways, he might as well entertain it.

‘Oh, it’s right here’ He took the clear book from Gun’s grasps, excusing himself before flipping through the pages, he almost reached the end before he pointed at it.

‘Here it is.’ He pointed, and Gun felt shivers crawling through his skin, the hair on his fore arm standing up when he looks more at the photo.

It is a window overlooking the outside, to freedom.

Not just any window, that is from the vague description he keeps on telling himself but the exact window that he kept on imagining.

It’s a small window on the top corner of a room, that represents the only glimpse of Gun to freedom.

He swallowed the saliva forming in his throat as he looks up towards the man, ‘Can I get this one too?’ He asks with no hesitation like he has been planning this all along.

‘Wait what?’ Off asks from beside him, ‘Gun are you sure? I don’t want you to think I’m pressuring you into getting this-’

‘I’m a hundred percent sure Off’ he nods his head, looking at Off with just determination.

‘But you get another design, I mean, don’t you want to look further?’ Off encourages, thinking that maybe Gun just felt at the moment.

‘No, I want this one. A window overlooking the outside, to freedom.’ He smiles before Off nodded, getting back to discussing with the tattoo artist.

* * *

**OFF AND GUN list of excuses to say "fuck it" and wander around; NOT A BUCKET LIST **

**OFF**

  1. ~~Visit the abandoned building in the nearby town~~
  2. ~~Get a Tattoo~~
  3. ~~Get to see the band, Three Man Down, perform live~~



**GUN**

  1. ~~Get to visit a waterfall; swim in it~~
  2. Adopt a rescue animal
  3. Win at least something related to script writing



* * *

‘The wiping part was a bitch, it was even more painful than the actual needle going through my skin’ Off whines, looking at the plaster on his left arm.

‘I know! That was the worst part’ Gun shook his head, turning his attention towards the city in front of them, since it was along the way they decided to take a couple of minutes out of their precious time to hang out on Gun’s usual place before he met Off, the one that overlooks the city lights. A lot has change in the place, it looks like it has someone maintaining it now because of the plants placed at every corner, giving life to the spot unlike when Gun used to go here, there’s literally nothing but a couple of concrete benches.

Off sighs, breathing in the image in front of him and the scent of the one from beside him. ‘Don’t sue me if you happen to hate that tomorrow.’ He jokes looking down at Gun’s right fore arm.

‘Nah I think this is one of the best decisions I made so far in life’ Gun confessed, there really is nothing he regrets from the decision he made tonight. It even excites him that somehow, he feels complete with it scarring his skin and marking him.

‘Why did you pick that?’

‘As soon as I saw it, I just knew that I should have it. I could almost feel it pulling me. If that even makes sense’

Off nodded but he didn’t reply, he knows exactly what Gun was trying to say. Ever since he could remember he wanted to get this tattoo on him and he doesn’t have any particular reason as to why as well.

They let the moon light grace them with its existence for a couple more minutes as they just let themselves savor each other’s presence.

‘Well it’s getting pretty late, no actually it is late. I think we should go back now’ Off stated, attempting to stand up before he heard Gun ask something under his breath. A part of Gun doesn’t want Off to hear, but a much stronger part of him couldn’t wait for Off’s answer.

‘Off what is this?’

‘Hmm?’

‘What are we?’ Gun asks finally, looking down at his feet, oblivious to Off’s reaction.

‘Gun’

Gun looks up to meet with the taller man’s gentle gaze, ‘I mean, after the waterfall I just I couldn’t help but think that there’s more to u-’

His rambling was cut short when he felt soft lips against his, it took him a couple of second before he processed what was happening making him respond back. There was no urgency between them which is kind of ironic since their time is running out, but with each other they never really felt pressure with rushing into things, and for that Gun is super thankful.

After a moment, Gun finds his arms around Off’s neck, pulling him closer.

Closer than they ever were.

He’s not sure if it was Off whom he heard breathe out a sigh of relief or if it was him, the only thing he’s sure of is the tingles he could feel building up and the smile threatening to appear on his face. The joy radiating from each other is enough of an answer for Gun. 

Off pulled away before smiling back at him, pressing their foreheads together ‘I thought what we did will give you the answer, Gun’ He winks earning a chuckle from Gun before he completely pulls away.

What Gun didn’t expect was the sudden drop of his heart when he saw the next thing presenting right in front of his eyes. He tried to breathe in as much air as he can as the open space doesn’t seem to have enough.

‘No, no, no, this is not real’ He said out loud before he even processed the thought not being able to stop himself.

‘Gun? Are you okay?’ Off asks Gun who looks like he’s breathing inside a plastic bag.

‘Gun? Gun? Are you okay? Gun!’ Off asks once again when the latter looks like he’s about to pass out.

‘Off c-can… can you see my numbers?’

‘Huh?’

‘M-my… My numbers, c-can you s-see them right now?’ He continues to stutters, he didn’t know forming words could be this hard, but it is when something shitty hits you right in the face.

‘No Gun, I don’t see your numbers right now. Why? What is it?’

Gun felt the blood draining out of his system and the tears forming at the side of his eyes as he looks at the top of Off’s head.

**10.08.55**


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kind of a short chapter, forgive me.

Gun shook his head, trying to grasp all the real things he could remember with all the moments he could gather.

The Chinese cemetery

The waterfall

His usual spot that overlooks the city

Their tattoos and how it stung when the needle pierced his skin

The window that kept on bugging him

Their lists

The grazing of his teeth on his lower lip to contain the scream he wants to let out

Off’s soft lips on his

The water from the waterfall hitting their skin and the loud splatters

Off’s numbers

**10\. 08. 55.**

Off’s fucking numbers

He grips the hems of his shirt while he looks up at the man in front of him. He tried reliving all those moments over and over again as he tries to find a way out of his current situation. Why can’t life just chill the fuck out for a minute and let him live? What could he have done in his past life for life to shit on him like this? His gaze went back to Off, who now has his eyebrow furrowed, trying to understand what Gun must have been feeling right at this moment.

‘What is it Gun?’ Off asks taking a step closer to Gun, making Gun flinch. It feels like the ground below him is about to give up and the earth just decided to swallow him whole. Gun couldn’t feel anything but this pull, almost like a string pulling him away from Off.

He feels like a puppet, held up by strings controlled by someone who’s too scared to show himself. The gentle tug of sanity is what brought him back to present as he was about to dive into the abyss of doubts and regrets.

‘We should probably head home, it’s getting late.’ He forced out the words he didn’t mean, avoiding any thoughts relating to Off, even though they’re just literally standing in front of each other. Gun turned around, starting his way back to where they came from. The night seems colder and at peace than it did from a couple of minutes ago. The honking from the nearby traffic stops as the cars are now fewer and the road seems wider.

Everything looks like it’s at its right place. Except for Gun.

He feels like an alien compared to everything and everyone. He’s the odd one out, the one who can seem to find his own place. He tried to take another step away from Off when he heard the other guy saying something under his breath.

‘So how many days do I have left now?’

Gun felt cold sweats breaking out from his pores, his fingers doesn’t look like they’ve been steady for quite sometimes as the need to grip something for them to stop shaking arises. He hates how easy it is for Off to conclude things and end up being right most of the times. It’s partly his fault for doing a shit job into hiding what he’s truly thinking but even so Off still manages to catch on pretty quickly.

As he looks up at Off he knows that there is no point into denying things. There’s certainty in the way Off looks at him that says that being truthful might be the best option, somehow it assures him that maybe this will help Off. He tries to remember the case of the man Off tried to help a couple of days ago that allegedly live through so he decided to just be open and honest, though, he doesn’t really know if that’s a good thing.

‘ **Ten days, eight hours and fifty-five minutes** from what I saw from earlier’

Off looks down at his watch, to see that it is now one in the morning. His tenth day will approximately start later today in the afternoon. He looks back at Gun who can’t hide the confusion running through his head so he decided to ask.

‘Why? What is it?’

‘You’re not bothered at all? Off I just told you that you only have ten days left.’

‘Freaking out wouldn’t add hours into it right?’ Off chuckled, raising one eyebrow at Gun.

Gun couldn’t believe his eyes as he scans Off’s expression looking for fear, but not even an ounce was detected and it’s making him more nervous. He hates to admit it, but Off is right, there’s not much they could do right now, and freaking out might only make things worse so he tried to collect himself.

‘Right, it won’t. I guess we just have to divert you from it like, what you did to that man’ Gun nods his head, thinking of possibilities without guaranty.

‘Gun-’

‘I mean if we really think about it, it might be possible. In life there’s always that moment of impact. On a certain point and at a definite time. Off we have the definite time, we just have to plan things out and go from there’

Off almost reach out to pull Gun into an embrace as he saw the hope beaming from its eyes. He shouldn’t have given false hope to Gun in the first place and now he’s starting to feel the regret creeping in to his system as he looks at the little guy in front of him deep in thought, planning out an escape.

‘But Gun we don’t even know what’s’ going to cause this, I mean we have no idea into how it will happen how are we so sure that we can stop it’ He tried to divert, giving Gun other options might be the best for now.

‘Well that’s easy, you just have to live that day, doing things that you would normally do and we’ll bail once the time arrives. The man that you saw that night, you also didn’t know how it will happen right? but you saved him Off.’ Gun beams, he could feel the unnecessary adrenaline rushing through his veins. Gun feels motivated with the thought that if it was possible once then a second and a third time wouldn’t hurt.

Off sighs, ‘Doing things that I normally do while I wait for it to happen is just bullshit Gun and you know it, it’s like me giving money to charity while being filmed. I am aware of it happening and I don’t think that’s how it works because waiting at the door step for a burglar might just leave us with an open window, you get what I’m saying?’ He brushes his hair up out of frustration that he couldn’t admit the truth to Gun without completely hurting him. If it won’t work for that man, then it won’t work for neither Off nor Gun.

‘Off I don’t know why you’re suddenly having doubts about this but I am well aware of how scary it might be, I mean, I’m in the same spot as you right now but with that little piece of hope from that man Off there’s not a chance of me giving up. Not now that we actually have an assurance.’

Off surrenders to this false idea while he searches for another way out, it feels so fucking wrong hearing this from Gun when he knows he’s the only one to blame.

‘And Off’ Gun continues crossing the distance between him and the taller one. ‘You can wait and secure the doorstep, you have me to look out for the windows anyways.’ Gun smiles before bumping his shoulder at Off and walking away. Taking the lead on their way home.

It quite cheesy for Gun to say that, and it’s not enough to make all of this stop but it’s enough to make Off breathe out the breath he kept on holding since earlier.

_False assurance is still assurance for those desperate of peace._

* * *

New looks down at the boy laying down on his bed, he sobered up after receiving a call from his mom. He doesn’t want her thinking that he’s wasting his opportunities into getting drunk with his friends in university, they even used his condo to do such things. Well for him, there’s nothing really wrong with going to parties and having the time of their lives but he just doesn’t want to gave his mom a reason to worry about him anymore so if playing the innocent is the way to go then so be it.

‘Hin, do you think that certain ends are just practice?’ Tay slurs trying to sit up straight. While New was busy talking with his mom outside and sobering up, thanks to his high tolerance in alcohol, Tay was also busy downing what’s left with the alcohol they managed to sneak in from earlier and unfortunately for New, Tay doesn’t share the same trait when it comes to drinking, seeing how much of a mess he is right now.

‘Tay you’re drunk as fuck right now, why don’t you take a shower and sober up a little before you go to bed’ He said, walking closer to Tay and stopping it from standing on his bed. It’s really dangerous sleeping with the amount of alcohol Tay inhaled from earlier.

‘No no no New, what I’m saying is. Do you think that when we die that’s really it or is this just practice round?’ Tay resisted but ended up falling on his ass and plopping back on the bed.

‘I don’t understand you Tay. Let’s go freshen you up, you’re not getting alcohol poisoning tonight not on my watch.’ New reach out to put Tay’s arm around his neck but Tay snatches it back, stumbling a bit backwards.

‘I don’t want to lose you New’ Tay caught New by surprise as he hugs New as tight as he can, earning a chuckle from the latter.

‘Okay Tay, I don’t want to lose you either now let’s go’ He started dragging Tay towards the bathroom while it continues on saying random things that New couldn’t seem to understand but something caught his attention from the slurs Tay continues on spitting out.

‘I pity Off, first it was Mek and now Gun’ New stopped o his tracks with Tay still clinging on to him by the sudden mention of his best friend. He is fully aware that Tay might be making shit up from being intoxicated with alcohol but he couldn’t get himself to just ignore it.

‘Tay what do you mean?’ Half of him doesn’t really expect a decent answer but curiosity is now building up on the pit of his stomach so he bumps his shoulder to Tay’s to get its attention when he saw its head already drooping from intoxication.

‘What? That cakes are better than pies?’ Tay asks, putting almost all of his weight on to New. As expected, he’s too drunk to even know what he was talking about but New decided to try once more, just to put his mind at ease. There is just something that bothers him with the way Tay casually mentioned Gun’s name with another name that he couldn’t recognize. ‘No, the one you said about Gun and the other one, Mek?’ The weight of Tay on his shoulder is pressing him down but he doesn’t seem to mind.

‘Oh that’ Tay raises his head, widening his eyes and putting his index finger on his lips while making shushing sounds at New, ‘I’m not supposed to say that to anyone’ Tay whispered even though they are the only ones in the room, which is kind of cute but New’s mind is preoccupied with so many assumptions that he couldn’t get himself to appreciate it. Now that Tay got New’s full attention, New pivoted back to his bed before settling Tay on to it.

‘Why? It’s just us in here, didn’t you promised that you’ll tell me everything?’ He tries his hard to act cute, even though his toes are curling from the cringe, just so he could persuade drunk Tay into spilling the beans. If this turns out to be utterly bullshit that Tay just made up, he’ll spiritually smack his head. Not physically but just his energy form would beat himself up.

‘You’re cute so okay I’ll tell you but you have to promise me not to tell anyone, okay’ Tay smiled as New nodded his head urgently.

‘Come here, I’ll whisper it to you’ Tay commanded, making New roll his eyes but he still inches his head closer, putting his ear near Tay mouth.

‘There’s this weighing scale that only Off could see. He saw it with Mek and now he saw it with Gun too’ Tay admitted in hushed tone while looking around as if he’ll get caught slipping.

‘What?’

‘There were numbers on top of their heads’ Tay hiccups as he tries to explain himself, ‘Off could see it but I can’t and then Mek died and all the other ones followed so now Off wants to stop Gun’s’

New felt shivers running down his spine while he lets Tay finish what he was saying. At first, he thought that Off might just be playing with Gun’s heart but this is way worse that what he thought it would be. A fucking prank or even a heartbreak would even be a blessing at this point. Gathering up all the rationality he has left he decided to ask further.

‘When? Tay, when is Gun’s numbers?’ He urges, trying not to freak out by the sudden information since he’s talking with a drunk guy and all.

‘I don’t know, I’m not a scientist’ Tay moaned out before letting himself fall back on to the mattress. New groaned pulling him back on a sitting position. No he doesn’t get to bail on New after dropping a bomb like this.

‘Ugh Tay! Come on’ He groans, seeing Tay’s eyes drooping and his cheeks still flushed, ‘Okay that’s it, I need you sober for this you fucking idiot. Let’s go and hope a shower would straighten you up’

New couldn’t believe what he just heard, the concept of it is too complex to be made up by drunk Tay who’s only talking about pastries for almost an hour ago, but he wouldn’t believe it until it was confirmed by someone who’s not hiccupping every now and then.

God, for the first time he wishes Tay is lying.

* * *

_‘But once we’re actually dying, I guess we’ll be too old to even fight our way out of it’ New said to his friend who’s testing up some shots on the abandoned lot near their houses._

_‘Why is it when we get the chance to catch up, we always seem to be talking about death? Why can’t we talk about something else for a change? Do you have a death roleplay kind of kink? Come on, be honest.’ Gun teases, peeping through the view finder of New’s camera. The scene in front of him is not out of the ordinary but he wants to practice making something out of the mundane things around him, doesn’t matter if it’s by seeing things on another angle or just capturing normal things and seeing it as something more._

_‘Sometimes the things coming from your mouth disgusts me’ New jokes, kicking Gun on the buttocks. ‘But I don’t know really, it’s just that when I learned that you could actually see the time of when people will die, I couldn’t get my mind off of it.’ He admitted when Gun gave him back his camera. They are just first year college students and only one of them could afford to ask for a nice camera and Gun only wishes._

_‘I guess you’re right, I don’t see any one of us dying any time soon, I think I’ll reach the age of seventy-five and I’ll just quit life like, I would voluntarily let go at that age’ Gun inferred, making a box with his fingers and looking through it, pretending that’s it’s the frame of a camera._

_‘What are you saying? we both better reach the age of at least ninety, or else.’ New threatened taking a couple of pictures of his friend who is now picking up small rocks and throwing it at the empty lot._

_‘That’s a lot of aging and wrinkling to do New, I don’t think you’re ready for that’ Gun chuckled shaking his head._

_‘Oh please, we’ll age like fine wine I just know it’_

_‘But when we reached that age, do you think that we’ll still have this’ Gun motioned between the both of them before he continues ‘going on between us?’_

_‘Jesus, you said that like we’re in some kind of intimate relationship or something’ New makes a face of disgust to Gun which Gun gladly reciprocated._

_‘Well friendship gets rusty too’ Gun shrugs before New motioned for him to take some poses._

_‘Gun, I’ll probably be the one who’ll change your adult diapers once we turned thirty’ Gun couldn’t help but laugh at New’s sarcastic tone when he uttered the word thirty._

_‘Fuck you, that’s gross and if one of us needs diapers by thirty it would definitely be you’ Gun protested after posing for more pictures._

_‘Uhm your tiny bladder would like to protest about that’ New raises his eyebrows before avoiding the small pebble thrown at him by Gun._

_‘Damn you’re kinda right about that’_

_Their laughs echoes across the field before New gave his camera back to Gun._

_‘You know we shouldn’t really talk about this, we wouldn’t want to jinx it. Let’s just let life do its thing and we’ll deal with each other’s bladder control problem when we get to it.’_

_‘Oh, I can’t wait’ New rolled his eyes once again, earning a laugh from Gun._

_‘Ditto’_

* * *

‘So, you’re telling me, that you knew about this and you didn’t even consider informing me?’ New’s voice croaked as he looked at Tay who is now obviously in the right consciousness to discuss this with him. He groaned pulling on his hair, looking at Tay who is fondling on the fluffy loose threads from his bed sheet.

‘I just I know that it would ruin you. I just don’t want to see you get hurt like that’

‘Oh, so you prefer seeing me oblivious Tay? You prefer seeing me actually waste the days I have possibly left with Gun?’ New tries his hardest not to shout at the guy in front of him. His judgments are clouded with disappointments and overpowered by emotions, which in their case, is not good, especially now that he’s actually considering Tay as one of the people he trusts the most.

‘New, you know that’s not it.’ Tay apologizes, scooching over towards New who is now getting redder as every second passes by.

‘Then what is it Tay? What is it that you could possibly have against being honest with me? You know damn well how much Gun means to me and you still decided against it. Go on Tay make me understand’

‘New I just thought that this would be the best option for you. I just thought that you would underst-’

‘Oh, I understand all right. I understand where you’re coming from but that is just rooted with selfish reasons and it’s making me feel sick’

‘I’m sorry’ Tay whispered making New sigh from where he was standing.

‘So why? Why didn’t tell me that Gun has his days numbered for him. Why now Tay when he only has less than forty days left?’

‘Because I know that this kind of things eats you up New. I’ve seen it before and I don’t want to see you go through that regret and fear.’ New couldn’t reply, he feels his teeth munching on the insides of his cheeks as he watches Tay sigh in frustration,

‘Mek is our late friend.’ Tay started, ‘Unfortunately, the same thing happened to him. Off saw his numbers but he didn’t know what to do with it so now the regret is just too heavy for him to carry. He won’t admit it directly but I can see it pulling him back. I don’t want you to go through the same thing New. I mean, what happens if we can’t do anything to stop it? How would that make you feel? So maybe wrong judgement it is but I just did what I thought was right at the moment. I’m sorry New. Fuck, I’m so sorry’

New puts his right hand on his pocket, pinching himself as if that would stop the guilt he’s starting to feel from making Tay relive his past but that doesn’t invalidate the fact that what Tay did was wrong and borderline stupid.

New sighs, ‘So, what in the hell are we supposed to do now?’

‘Off wants to turn things around but I don’t think he would be able to pull this off alone’ Tay shook his head, opting to be completely honest with New seeing that his last attempt into lying ends up just adding fuel to the fire.

‘You know damn well I would not just sit around and wait right?’

‘Yah, I think it’s time we take the situation into our own hands’

* * *

~~**10 days** ~~

**_ABLAZE_**

_Set me free like a fire burning down a city_

_Relishing my moment of glory, towards freedom and blazing dreams_

_For I, who was once scorching is now just diving into self-pity_

_Reliving past memories to save it and redeem_

_The fire in my heart that was once burning,_

_too large to be extinguished,_

_too hot to be held,_

_is now just burned out_

_For I am not meant to be tied down; my aspirations run wild into my never-ending tomorrows_

_Sitting down with hollow eyes my mind swirls into a spiral of sorrows_

_I am somewhat in between the past and the future but not today_

_Never today_

_Living becomes an obligation I have no intention into fulfilling_

_Loose ends I left is now looming closer, threatening._

_As I look into the mirror, I see a spectrum of newly discovered pieces of myself_

_I no longer recognize, a complete parallel_

_I once serve the mighty and the source_

_Thinking of purpose despite of the remorse_

_Now I’ve strayed too far from the path He prepared for me_

_The end of the race I no longer see, Oh, what an Irony!_

_It is quiet, but the eerie silence is what scares me_

_For I am left with nothing but faint whispers and desperate plea_

_Being contained is what has set me free_

_knowing the truth that I shouldn’t let fear overcome; because the one hurdle I have from coming back is me._

Off scoffs at the poem at the back of the newspaper his dad was reading. It’s sad to think that some people are too privilege to take life for granted when people like him, are only days away from saying their last goodbyes. He shook his head, he really doesn’t want to be fed with this kind of negativity this early in the fucking morning, but right on time, as soon as he reaches out for the bacon in front of him, he heard his uncle greeting his parents. He didn’t expect him to be here this early in the morning but there really is no harm into having him, since his uncle Nan always brings good vibes around him.

‘Hey uncle Nan!’ He greeted munching on the bacon, looking over towards his uncle who sat right in front of him.

‘Hey Jumps, I hope my presence won’t bother your peaceful breakfast’ He winks before going for the loaf of bread.

‘I told your uncle that he should just stay here up until he finishes his project in this part of the town instead of paying for overpriced motels’ His mom butted in, settling down a cup of coffee in front of his uncle Nan and his Father before sitting besides him.

‘Yeah, why don’t you?’ Off asks spreading jam on a piece of bread before putting it inside his mouth.

‘You sure that wouldn’t bother you?’ His uncle jokes once again before sipping on his coffee.

‘Are you kidding me?’ Off rolls his eyes at him, earning a chuckle form his uncle who decide to raise his arms up in surrender. ‘Fine if you miss me that much, then who am I to decline?’

They went on with pointless topics until all of them finished breakfast. Being with them like this is not new to Off but now it is sad to think that it might be one the lasts. He stood up helping the elders tidy up before volunteering into washing the dishes which no one seems to decline. He took the plates towards the sink, dumping the left-over food into a tub of wastes.

‘I’ll help you with that’ He heard his uncle said from his back before he came into his view beside him.

‘Uncle Nan I think I can handle this’ He said but before he could protest even more his uncle was already rolling up his sleeves.

‘Kiddo, if there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s doing the dishes, so please learn from me’

Off laughs at his uncle’s joke before looking back down to what he was doing, not even a minute passed when he saw something familiar.

At the right forearm of his uncle is a tattoo. Not just any tattoo but a window much like Gun’s. Heck, it is like Gun’s even down to the color and the shade.

‘Uncle Nan?’

‘Hm?’ His uncle looks up from the gloves he’s been trying to put on, his eyebrows raised as if urging him to carry on.

‘I didn’t know you had a tattoo’ He started, he doesn’t know how to introduce the topic, seeing that his own tattoo is still unknown from his whole family.

‘Oh, this tattoo? It’s quite old actually’ He answered stretching his arm out to give Off a much clearer view of it.

‘It’s a window, overlooking the outside towards freedom’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The poem actually is for one of my courses so please don't judge me, I'm not much of a poet. As always I'll try and edit the grammar mistakes once I get the chance :) Thank you.


	22. Chapter 22

_‘Getting a tattoo isn’t the answer right now. They’re probably looking for us. No, not probably, they are looking for us.’_

_‘And? Fuck them. I want something to remember you by.’_

_‘Why? Nan, I’m not gonna die.’_

_‘And what if I did? Plus, we’re not sure about that. You know how they are.’_

_‘Then you won’t remember me anyways, so what’s the point?’_

_He sighed, looking at the guy looking at him with peaceful eyes, which he couldn’t understand. How can he remain peaceful at times like this?_

_But that’s him, he’s always been brave like that._

_‘I love you, Chimon. Isn’t that enough reason to want to remember you by?’ He manages to spill out the words that was residing at the back of his mind for so long now._

_Too long to make him regret not doing so earlier._

_Chimon looks up at him before smiling, ‘Do you want me to act surprised?’ Chimon jokes, earning an earnest chuckle from the both of them._

_‘Come on it wouldn’t kill you to lie once in a while’_

_‘No, the one thing that would kill me is you, Nanon, you’re stressing me out.’ The smile on his face faded the moment Chimon said those words even though it was meant to be a joke._

_‘I told you, don’t joke about that’_

_Chimon sighs after hearing Nanon’s stern voice, ‘Okay fine, I’ll stop’ He rolled his eyes before he continues, ‘Just please don’t forget what you promised to me.’ Chimon raises his eyebrow at the guy in front of him waiting for a confirmation that Nanon will still push through._

_‘I promise.’_

_‘You promise what?’_

_‘I promise that when it comes to the point where I need to choose between living or you, that I will choose myself.’ Nanon swallowed hard as he forces himself to utter a promise, he for sure would abandon the moment the inevitable comes._

_There is no way he’ll let that happen._

_There is no way he’ll let go of Chimon, even if it means that he has to choose him over himself._

_Chimon sighs once again, a habit he managed to master these past couple of days. He doesn’t want to sound like a martyr, though he is aware that he is becoming one, but he doesn’t really have anyone else other than Nanon He doesn’t have people who will mourn his death nor people waiting for him to come home. Nanon has a family, his parents, his sister, and every one else that is relying on him._

_For Nanon to choose himself over Chimon would be the greatest option for them if worse comes to worst._

_Chimon accepted that and he has been preparing himself for that._

_‘Now come on and let’s get that tattoos’ Nanon said, pushing the door to the tattoo parlor with Chimon following closely behind._

_Nanon’s mind is anchored at the moment and with the smaller guy behind him and nowhere else._

_It didn’t cross his mind that he would break his promise, not the promise he made with Chimon but the promise he made to himself._

* * *

~~**9 days** ~~

‘What are we doing again?’

‘We’re planning.’

New furrowed his eyebrow at Tay sitting in front of him. It’s eight in the morning and New is still in his pajamas when Tay decided to ring his doorbell with coffee in hand and motivation crossing his face.

New sighs sitting down on his bean bag chair. ‘Tay, I appreciate your efforts and all but can we do this when I am actually fully awake?’ To prove his point, he yawned as soon as those words left his mouth making Tay roll his eyes at him.

‘We’re doing this for Gun, remember?’

And as if New never knew the words tired or sleep, he sat right back up. ‘I’m awake’ he exclaimed. Tay almost laugh at the sight of New with his bed hair and sleepy eyes trying to listen and cooperate.

‘So, what’s the plan? Wait, the real question is, how can we plan this anyways? It’s not like we can actually predict it.’ New asks honestly, crossing his arms over his chest. He tried to think about it but he came out with nothing aside from gruesome scenarios which might be the reason as to how his longest and probably closest friend would die.

‘That’s what I came here to talk to you about. We need to start observing him, like really really observe him and his routine. I figured that when we get the hang of that we’ll have a higher percent into helping into diverting him’

‘It still won’t give us the assurance though’ New hates that he’s coping with a pessimistic view, maybe it’s the product of all his fear into losing Gun but right now his mind is all about the negative things that might happen. It’s better to prepare for the worst.

‘I know, I know but it’s all we really have right now’ Tay sighed, sipping on his coffee.

‘I know that too’ Even with the worst scenario he couldn’t help but agree with Tay so he stood up walking towards his room to get his clothes before showering. ‘Let’s give it a try, shall we?’ He called back before entering the bathroom.

Some of the greatest ideas are thought of in the shower anyways.

* * *

~~**9 days** ~~

‘This is making me feel so guilty, is this really okay? I feel like I’m stealing your time from your family.’

‘You are.’

Gun stopped walking before looking at Off who is still walking slowly, now ahead of him. Off looks back when he noticed that the guy, he was talking to is now standing still behind him boring holes at the back of his head. He chuckles before scratching the back of his head, ‘I’m kidding’ He walks back in front of Gun.

‘I like to think that I’m dividing my time wisely.’ He raises his eyebrow like what he just said is just a normal statement to say on a chilly friday night. He looks at the way Gun looks down at the ground, overthinking everything.

He couldn’t really blame Gun; a lot of weeks has passed and they still couldn’t find any answers and now that his numbers just got even closer. It feels like they kept on tugging loose threads.

He feels betrayed.

‘You know when you’re dying everything feels lighter, even the decisions I make every day, maybe it’s because you don’t really have a commitment with the future. There is no future you could ruin. I’m not saying that I’m okay with it it’s just that right now I can’t really think of it as a curse or a blessing I just try to get by, and I want to continue thinking that until the time comes Gun. I’m sure you can understand that, out of all the people I know you for sure would know how it feels.’

Gun couldn’t protest because there’s no room for them to run to anymore, it’s a dead end.

It was meant to be after all.

‘So, you want to pretend like it’s nothing but also try to get out of it at the same time? I’m confused.’ Gun started, drawing circles on the sandy pavement they were standing on by the bay.

‘I am too, but I want to just take it easy for now because it’s tiring. I’m tired of running away from it and actually wasting my days’

Gun looks up when he heard those words, it’s too early in the evening to be bare but Off doesn’t seem to care at all.

Gun sighs, ‘How about this, it is now seven in the evening. It’s about the right time we started living.’ He’s not sure why he said that or if it’s going to help at all, but even he himself wants an escape and with Off everywhere feels like one.

‘About damn time.’

* * *

‘Gun still hasn’t responded, are you sure they’re here?’ New whined when they got off near the bay area. Tay insisted that they should probably start tonight with their plan, which doesn’t make sense one bit but since Tay looked so determined he just went along with it plus, this is for his friend after all.

‘Yes, I can still track Off’s location in my phone and I’m sure they’re together right now, Off wouldn’t go out this late if he’s not with Gun.’ Tay whispered like anyone in the vicinity cares about them right now.

‘What? Why do you have his location on?’

‘Well, we had a bet one time to see if who can explore the streets of Nakhon Pathom further without a map when we went camping, and for safety reason we have to turn our locations on in each other’s phones, just in case we got really lost’

‘Okay first of all, that’s fucking weird. Second, oh would you look at that, it’s still fucking weird.’ New rolls his eyes at Tay who is now looking around the place. ‘What would we even do once we saw that they are in fact in here, like, what would we even fucking say? ‘Hey we know about Gun’s time of death so we’re gonna observe you now to see if we can help into knowing what’s going to cause it and hopefully stop it’?’ New breathes in, catching his breath after that long ass sentence, he just spat out.

‘Who says we’re going to make ourselves seen?’

‘Oh, so now we’re legit stalking?’

‘Do you want to help or not?’ Tay looks at him for a moment before he continues looking around.

‘Of course, I do but this is not-’

‘Shush, that’s them’ Tay cut him off, pointing his chin towards a distance, near the bay. New looks at where Tay is looking and without a doubt, he saw their friends sitting on the bench talking.

‘How cute, let’s get closer’ Tay urges pulling New’s right hand towards a pillar that’s kind closer but not quite.

‘Tay this feels wrong.’ But he couldn’t help but look when Gun sets his head on Off shoulder. Now they got his full attention. If this was a normal day, he would have teased Gun for days, but tonight’s atmosphere is different.

His friend looks different, he looks like someone who has less than forty day left.

Now he understands. He understands how Gun must have felt while seeing those numbers. It is indeed a burden.

‘If they started making out, I’m going home.’ Tay said crouching down to get a better view without being seen.

‘This is your fucking plan, so now that we’re here you can’t bail.’ Crouching sown besides Tay.

‘Fuck, okay fine.’ Tay squints as if that’s going to make him hear better, ‘I can’t hear what they are talking about, we should get closer.’

Before New could even protest, Tay started moving towards another pillar nearer the two, making him sigh but also wiggle closer. He almost stopped in the middle to laugh at how they both look right now, but seeing their friends in his peripherals he carried on. Though prone to getting caught there is no doubt that they could hear what the two are saying now.

‘Ew, what the fuck? They’re talking about life and shit? That’s what they do on their free time? There’s nothing romantic about tha-’ before Tay could finish his statement New’s hand found its way on Tay’s loud mouth.

‘Shhh, I don’t want to get caught spying with you.’

‘Gmet Mofom’ Tay’s words are now getting muffled by New’s large hands. For a pretty subtle guy, everything about New is huge and Tay knows that for a fact.

‘I’ll get my hands off if you promised not to be so fucking loud anymore.’ New raises his eyebrow, seeing Tay raise his right hand as a sign of promise. He lifted his hands slowly like he’s ready to cover Tay’s mouth if given a chance before he settled it down on his lap.

‘Your hand smells like laundry detergent.’ Tay muttered as if it’s the most normal thing in the world. Tay is kind of weird. The kind of weird that New gets, well most of the time, except tonight. He means it when he said he doesn’t want to get caught spying his friend with Tay.

‘Stop-’

_‘Don’t you think we should tell them? Our families or our friends, I mean’_

They turn their attention back to the two that they are “observing” upon hearing the word friends.

 _‘I thought we were not going to talk about that?’_ Off asks looking down at Gun who is still leaning on his shoulder.

_‘I’m sorry I just, it crossed my mind.’_

_‘Do you think they can bear it?’_

_‘I don’t know maybe they won’t but leaving them in the dark feels super wrong to me. I just can’t help but think of New and how shock he would get once it actually happens but I also think that it will hurt him more if I said it upfront, how am I supposed to say it anyways? ‘New, Let’s go out I only have a few weeks left so let’s make the most of it’?’_

New felt his chest tighten.

So, Gun knows about it too, Off must have thought that it was for the best to let him know.

New can feel Tay looking at him from the side but he doesn’t dare to look back, he knows he might start crying if he did. He continues eves dropping for it’s the only thing he could do right now.

He looks over at Gun, from his side he couldn’t see any panic from it’s face.

Secured almost. Which means he knew it for quite sometime now, it would have been better for New if he knew right away but he understands where his friend is coming from.

_‘How about you do you plan on telling Tay?’_

Now it’s New’s turn to look at the guy besides him, he tilted his head as if asking if Tay knew anything else other than Gun’s numbers. Tay looks back at him shaking his head, answering the unspoken question.

_‘I don’t think it would benefit him.’_

_‘You don’t know that.’_

Off sighs, brushing his hair up and straightening his back, causing Gun to sit properly.

_‘Nine days Off, I think you should at least consider it.’_

_‘You’re the one to talk, why don’t you tell New first.’_

_‘Okay touché’_

_‘Damn it hasn’t sunk in yet, I really have nine days left huh? You know I’m still picturing what I would do next month or even next year.’_

Tay froze on his spot, New opens his mouth to say something just to close it again.

‘Tay’

* * *

‘Enough about that’ Off clears his throat, ‘Let’s pretend that we still have years before we hit the curve, what do you think you’ll be doing by then?’

‘Like in ten years or so? I think I would still pursue film, I want to see the titles ‘scriptwriter’ and ‘director’ beside my name. Jane would have finished her studies by then so I think I would just let go and try to explore more, I want to go to Italy you know?’ Gun admitted looking softly at Off, ‘I want to got there and just walk along it’s streets. Maybe get lost and ask for directions, maybe shoot a short film? I don’t know, how about you?’

‘How can I top that?’ Off playfully rolls his eyes, making Gun shove him slightly. ‘I want to see that. I want to see your films, I want to see those titles describing you. I think you’ll do great.’

Gun inhales the air, looking at the waves crashing by the port. At first, he wasn’t sure why Off insisted on going in here but now he can see it. It’s oddly peaceful the lights from the small boats and from the lamppost illuminates through them, creating shadows that accompanies their souls.

‘I just wanted to be uncertain. All my life I have been sure about everything, even with my own death so for once I just want to be uncertain that’s why I wanted to explore and ask for directions when I get lost. I’m tired of knowing. I hate knowing.’ Gun continues when no one seems to utter a word.

‘Okay if you want to get lost in Italy then I want to sail the Atlantic without a compass or a map’

Gun smiled, humming at what Off has just said. Big dreams feel so small right now, hollow and irrelevant. He looks back in front of him when something caught his eyes. The fountain nearby lit up with lively colors catching his eyes. Off looks at where Gun was looking, smiling as he saw an opportunity to goof around. He stood up, offering his hand to Gun, which the latter undoubtably accepted.

‘Tonight, is about living right?’ Off smirks before pulling Gun, running towards the fountain, settling their shoes outside the vicinity of it, somewhere it wouldn’t get soaked. He then puts his phone inside his shoes, not giving a fuck if it gets stolen. Gun doing the same thing before they both ran towards the fountain, the water hitting their skin once again.

For the third time.

Gun laughs out loud when Off slips s little, hic face scrunching up in the process. He pulls on his shirt that is sticking on his skin.

‘You’re it’ Off suddenly taps his shoulder before running away.

‘That is not fair, I don’t want to play’ Gun pouts, crossing his arms on his chest.

‘Boo, that’s not cute at all.’

‘Oh, is that so?’ Gun looks at off with disbelief before chasing the taller guy, ignoring the glances from the few people around, feeling childlike once more.

‘Okay wait, wait. Time out!’ Off screams out slipping on his ass, but didn’t stop Gun from inching close and tagging him laughing harder at the sight of Off, with his hair sticking on his forehead and his lips pouting while sitting down on the wet tiles. ‘Talk about fair’

Gun stick his tongue out before Off grabbed his legs, stopping him from taking another step away. Off’s hands creeped towards his sides, tickling him.

‘Off let go, I swear to God’

His protests only made Off tickle him harder. ‘This is torture! Off Jumpol!’ Even he himself didn’t believe his own protests as he ends up laughing his ass off.

* * *

‘Who the fuck are they? Fucking Bonnie and Clyde?’

‘You mean Romeo and Juliet?’

‘Whatever.’ Tay groans diving face first on New’s sofa. He asks if Tay wanted to stay the night, he doesn’t want to be left alone nor does he want to let Tay go home after what they heard. He doesn’t trust Tay’s judgements right now.

He sighs, lifting Tay’s legs and sitting down on the sofa before putting it over his lap. ‘I know this is a stupid question, but how are you feeling?’ He looks at Tay who now have a throw pillow on his face.

Tay groans into it, ‘I mean, why? You’re telling me they knew? All these times they knew? and nine days? Nine fucking days? And after that they’re just gonna run and drench themselves in the fountain like that? Fucking weirdos.’ Tay rants which New almost didn’t catch when every word was once again muffled by the pillow. New started stroking Tay’s legs to assure him that he is still listening. 

‘What the hell are we going to do now?’ New sighs. Trying to save one friend is hard enough for them to do, one more now that there’s two.

‘What else is there to do? We have no choice but to make room in our plan, for Off Jumpol.’

* * *

Gun ruffles his hair on the towel Off lend him, still damp from earlier.

‘Why do we always find ourselves somewhere near a body of water, either appreciating it or completely drenched?’ He raises his eyebrow, smirking at Off who’s doing the same thing as he does.

‘I know right, it’s like the third time since we knew each other and we met just a couple of months ago.’ Off chuckles sitting down on his bed, turning on the television to lessen the awkward air between them. It’s not that it’s completely awkward that it’s unbearable but it’s still Gun’s first time in his house, specifically his room.

From earlier he just had the urge to invite Gun over since his parents are away for the weekend and his sister rarely visits now a days. He just wanted to spend more time with Gun. He wants to be selfish for once. They’re dying after all.

‘Do you want to maybe watch a movie?’ He asks when Gun sat besides him, bouncing on the mattress lightly in the process.

‘Sure’ Gun nodded, looking at movie posters on the screen.

‘How about this? Hereditary, have you watched it?’

‘No. Fuck no. I mean yes I’ve watched it and no I don’t want to watch that again.’

‘What why?’ Off looks at Gun shaking his head beside him, Gun is now wearing one of his shirts. Off often doesn’t get people who likes seeing the people they like in their own clothing but seeing Gun in his own makes him for sure feel things.

‘That movie gave me night terrors for weeks. I hate so much’ Gun admitted, making Off smirk, seeing that he now has a way to tease Gun. He opens his mouth not to talk but to pop his tongue, which is one of the auditory cues in the movie.

‘Ew, stop that. I will hesitate to throw hands I swear’ Gun warned positioning himself into a boxing positing, threatening Off, which only made the latter laugh harder.

_Pop_

‘If you pop that tongue one more time’ Gun widened his eyes, looking at the guy clutching his stomach from laughing beside him.

‘Okay fine,’ Off raises his hand in surrender, ‘Why do you hate it that much? It’s not even that scary.’

‘I know it’s not that scary and I can tolerate horror I swear I could, but this movie just gives me the creeps. It’s the way they use auditory theme and unusual yet completely ordinary scenarios that makes my subconscious think that it can really happen in real life, like the way the body at the end was pulled up into the tree house’ Gun shudders, revisiting the movie that made him run faster when he’s on their stairs, thinking of that one particular scene.

‘Yeah, they really captured the right places to stain people’s minds and I like it because of that’

‘Well you can watch that again some other time’ Gun stated, shifting his weight on the bed. Scooching closer to Off. He seems relaxed for someone who’s inside someone else’s bedroom for the first time.

‘Fine, what do you want to watch then?’

‘Literally anything but that.’

The night progresses and the two of them somehow ended up watching Lilo and stitch, and oddly enjoy it. But the one thing that’s keeping Off from thoroughly enjoying the movie is Gun’s leg on top of his, oblivious about how it affects Off. He tried to swat it away a couple of times but Gun unconsciously keeps on setting it back up on his thighs. There is just something about sharing a moment with the person you like then having them wear a piece of your clothing with the both of you alone that gets him.

For a moment Off didn’t care if it’s weird that he’s about to make a move with Lilo and stich in the background or if it’s too sudden, all he cares about is Gun’s lips living on top of his mind rent free. If he’s going to be selfish for tonight, he’s going to run with it till the end of the race. He leans in taking Gun by surprise before stopping, as if asking if he can continue. When Gun didn’t make any protest, shyly nodded his head, Off decided to carry on and cross the remaining distance between them, feeling Gun’s soft lips on his. The kiss was soft at first, taking its time and gentle before it progresses into Gun opening his mouth, letting Off’s tongue enter. They continued for a while, inhaling each other’s presence, before Off started grinding his hips, creating friction on their crotch area.

Gun didn’t hold back as he lets himself fall on top of the mattress, plopping with Off on top of him, he shifted to a little bit, finding the most comfortable position for him. He hooked his arms on Off’s neck as he feels Off test the waters as he gives him little pecks on the lips before his lips traveled from Gun’s lips all the way to his neck, making Gun softly whine against him.

Gun arches his back when Off’s lips found the soft skin bridging his neck to his shoulder, softly biting. Gun moaned from the sudden pleasure he was feeling. Off hands traveled on top of Gun’s body, caressing every part he also happens to appreciate about the other.

That’s when it all came crashing towards him. Is this really happening?

He flinches a little, stopping Off’s hands from exploring his body even further.

‘Wait… Off… wait’ He protested, making Off stop and look up to him. ‘Shit, I’m sorry. I-’ Gun struggled to find the right words to say but he continues to excuse himself. ‘I’m sorry I don’t think I’m ready yet’ he breathes out at last, making Off get off of him in an instant. He sat up brushing hair upwards. ‘I’m sorry, I also thought that I was, but then I started overthink and then-’

‘Gun’ Off stated, stopping him from blabbering even further. He looks up at Off who is smiling softly at him, his cheeks heat up even further. He looks down at the mattress, avoiding Off’s gaze.

Fuck, it must have been awkward for Off, what was he thinking agreeing in the first place?

‘Hey, it’s okay.’ Off assured, he looks up to see Off looking at him without any sign of awkwardness. ‘Gun it’s okay, it really is. I’m glad you told me before it even progresses into something you can’t turn back to’ Off admitted in the softest voice he could imagine. He doesn’t want Gun thinking that it’s he’s fault for holding back. There’s nothing wrong with sticking with you own pace, one where you’re most comfortable with.

Gun breathe out a breath of relief, he couldn’t help but feel grateful at how Off is reacting but he still feels guilty, it must have been frustrating.

‘I’m sorry’

‘I promise, it’s fine. I’m fine. It was me who was in a rush, I’m the one who’s supposed to be sorry.’

Gun didn’t respond, he knows how it must have felt for Off because for a moment he wants it too. For a brief second, he was sure too, but then he wasn’t.

A couple seconds of silence passes by them when Off spoke, ‘I can wait, you know?’ He smiled, looking earnestly at Gun. ‘I may not have that much time left but I can wait. Plus, its’ not a big deal anyway.’ He repeated, standing up to get the remote of the tv. ‘Now how about we watch something else?’

Gun smiled nodding his head looking at movie posters shuffling in front of them once again but this time he feels safer.

He feels truly and utterly comfortable.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This chapter is kind of long so please excuse the grammar mistakes that you'll encounter. I'll try and edit it further as soon as I can. Thank you! :)

~~**8 days** ~~

‘How was your mom?’ His aunt Ladda asks, digging up the soil in her backyard to make room for the plants she wants to nurture. Gun decided to pay her a visit before he gets back to their house after buying pre-packed food from the market.

‘I don’t know, the same I guess?’ Gun shrugs, it’s not new that his aunt would ask about their mom but it surprises him that she asks it so upfront more than how she usually would. ‘The last time I talked to her she said she’s trying to “sober up”’ Gun rolled his eyes, remembering that day like it was just yesterday.

‘Well that’s good don’t you think?’ Ladda asks, patting her soiled hands together to brush off the dirt before standing up to reach for the container with the plants that is ready to be planted.

‘I don’t really buy it, there’s no way she could just crawl her way back from the hole she dug for so long.’ He sighed, shifting his weight to his left foot watching as his aunt placed the fragile plants down to the crater she created earlier.

‘At least she’s trying, I think that’s a good start’ She looks up, smiling at Gun.

Gun wants to hope, he really does, but it’s not really that easy for him to put trust on someone who made him feel like he wasn’t supposed to be living in the first place.

He sighs as he thinks of his own numbers, does he really want to die without even trying to tie the loose ends he got with his mother? can he even call her that? She feels more like an acquaintance than family which makes Gun’s heart ache, is he going to die without having to experience fullness again?

‘I understand that you might feel like it’s completely pointless for now but I really think you should talk to her once you gather up the courage to do so. You’re young, kid. You still have years ahead of you, don’t let your past anchor you down.’ She stands up giving him a squeeze on his shoulder before reaching for the hose to water down her plants.

Gun lets out breath, he might be young but he could see his days closing in on him. He decided to ignore it, he doesn’t want to burden his aunt even more. He looks around the area only to see some other plants already turning brown.

‘They’re dying’ He whispered to himself but loud enough that Ladda could hear it too. She clicked her tongue before shaking her head.

‘I guess I don’t have a green thumb after all,’ She replied, also looking at the plants Gun is gazing upon. ‘Everything I touch dies.’

Gun looks down at her, tilting his head to her answer. He’s not used to her saying something so dark, well dark enough for her anyways. Ever since Gun can remember she’s always about hope and positivity, making her his source of strength in most of his dark days.

‘That’s why I’m planting new ones. The ones that could survive the heat here in Thailand.’ She retrieved, admiring the ones she just planted. ‘Plus, only the strong survives, right?’ She added before taking off her gardening gloves heading inside with Gun following close behind.

* * *

~~**7 days** ~~

‘I can’t believe we’re almost in post productions.’ Mild exclaimed, reviewing some of their footage. ‘This has been such a long fucking process, to be honest I don’t know why I choose Film to major in since I don’t have any patience like at all.’

‘We know.’ Off answered, sitting down besides her to look at the videos they shot from earlier.

‘We would also like to ask why you choose to major in film when you haven’t even watched Die hard and Inception. What are you even doing here?’ Arm butted in, also sitting down besides them.

‘What? You haven’t?’ Off looks up at her with questioning eyes making her groan.

‘No, I haven’t. Not all people have the same taste you know? This is the problem with you internet kids, you think that one’s preference should be the other’s preference too, because you’re all obsessed with the idea of fitting in with other lonely internet people. The internet is nothing better than high school these days.’ She groans leaning back and watching her groupmates.

‘She’s not wrong you know?’ New shrugs, looking up from the poster he’s trying to draw on his tablet.

‘Okay but why do I feel more attacked than her now? I thought we were supposed to drive her out of our group, why are you siding with her?’ Arm clutches his chest, obviously joking, trying to tease Mild who just flipped him off in the process.

‘Anyways, I’m looking forward to your editing skills, Off. I heard you’re pretty good.’ Mild started patting Off’s back. Making the people who knows about his number raise their heads to look at his expression.

He feels kind off guilty for knowing that there's a chance that he wouldn’t be able to edit it until the end before the day comes, but he promised himself to not live his last moments feeling regretful so he’s doing just that. He’s living he’s most normal seven days and a half. He can feel eyes burning his skin and he expected it to be Gun but as he looks towards his left, he saw Tay looking at him intently, which makes him think. Tay was unusually quiet since earlier which is super rare, maybe he should talk to him some time soon but he bets this is just about New.

‘He is good. He’s one of the best in our locality.’ Tay answered for him, diverting his gaze.

‘I’m not, I swear. Don’t get too hopeful but I’ll try my bests since it was the reason I’m here after all.’ Off tries to laugh it off before all of them move on towards the next topic of choice.

He remembers the real reason why he agreed to do this in the first place, and now that he thinks about it, it feels like an eternity ago since he bumped into Gun, who knew that he would also gain some new friends in the process. He looks up to see Gun starting to revise the script for their post-production script.

His eyebrows are furrowed from concentrating too much, his teeth grazing his lower lip as he tries to think of appropriate words while his legs are crossed as he sits down on the floor. Off thought that after what happened to them last night Gun would try and avoid him but as if the reverse happened, Gun looks more comfortable around him today, he even asked if they could go to New’s condo together. They also bought snacks and drinks for everyone before going.

Gun looks and feels at ease around him, almost giving, trusting.

That’s it, that’s the word, Gun looks like he trusts Off more now and Off couldn’t help but be thankful about it even when his doubts and the guilt of not telling Gun everything haunts him. He hasn’t been completely honest with Gun and although he wants to redeem himself, it would only make things worse between them, maybe even make Gun hate him but then again, he promised not to spend his time regretting anything so he’s trying his best to ignore the lingering pull of his secrets.

He shook his head getting back to the clips they were watching before he spaced out, thinking of appropriate video effects they could use.

* * *

‘It’s only been days since we went here but why do I feel like it’s been years?’ Gun asks looking up at the night sky as he scooches over to Off, leaning his head on Off’s shoulder and inhaling his scent that is mixing with the scent of freshly cut grass.

‘That’s because you miss being here with me so much that it’s agonizing, making the days feel longer.’ Off teased wrapping his arm around Gun, smiling as he felt Gun nuzzled against him.

He can get used to this. He can get used to Gun.

‘That’s the most cringe worthy thing you’ve ever said since I met you.’ Gun looks up, scrunching his nose in disgust.

‘Well get ready then because I’ve got a lot more cringe I could offer.’

‘I don’t want it.’ Gun pouts, earning a laugh from Off. Off tightens his grip of Gun like he’s going to lose him as soon as he lets go and for now, he wants to keep being like this, he wants to stay like this.

There was a moment of comfortable silence that surfed between them when Gun suddenly spoke, ‘I’m sorry, about last night. I know how frustrating that could get.’

Off sighs, looking down at him. ‘I told you its fine. You don’t have to worry about anything.’

‘But still, I didn’t plan on leading you on.’

Off chuckles, ‘You kinda did, but what you did was completely normal and you don’t have to say sorry for that’ He reassured for the nth time.

‘Have you done it before?’ Gun asks out of curiosity, rolling over to lean on his elbow to look down at Off.

‘Only twice.’ Off nodded, there’s no point in lying now and he did it a long time ago. He leans on his elbows, looking directly at Gun. ‘It’s not as rewarding when you haven’t really connected with the person you’re doing it with. That’s why I’m thankful that you said what you were feeling because I don’t want you regretting it.’

‘I doubt I would regret doing it with you.’ Gun surprised even himself but he decided to just go along with it, maintaining his composure after revealing a vulnerable thought to Off. Off smiled softly before looking down at Gun's lips but deciding not to push his luck as he swallowed before gazing back on Gun’s eyes.

‘That’s cute but you’re not sure about that.’

‘Maybe,’ Gun paused for a second thinking of the right words like how he always does, ‘but the only thing that held me back was the timing, I just, I couldn’t help but overthink it.’

Off raises his hand to brush the hair that is falling onto Gun’s eyes, ‘Like I said, I can wait Gun. I can wait as long as I can.’ Off smiled as he sees Gun’s cheeks turning pink before the thing he least expected happened. Gun crossed the distance between them to place a sweet kiss on his lips, almost like a peck but it was enough to keep off wanting more but also just right.

‘I like you’ Off breathes out after the kiss which startled Gun for a brief second.

‘What?’

* * *

‘What?’

‘I think he just confessed.’

‘He really did, didn’t he? In a fucking cemetery at that’

‘Tay, what are we really doing? I’m creeped out by this and I’m here with you.’

Tay groaned looking back at New, squinting since they’re hidden at a very dark place near where the other two are currently taking their time, ‘New how many times are we going to argue about this, why are you even saying yes in the first place if you’re going to complain the whole time?’

‘First of all. I didn’t agree into this. I thought we were going to have dinner.’

‘We’ll have one right after this.’

‘Why are we even following them, when you could just track Off through that creepy tracker in your phone once the day comes?’

Tay raises his pointer finger to argue before coming to a conclusion that New got a point. ‘Well I agree and I’m totally coming clean that I forgot that I could use that,’ Tay paused looking at New who is now crossing his arms over his chest before he scratches the back of his head, ‘but nevertheless I think getting used to their routine would give us an advantage. I really do.’

‘I think we’ve done enough stalking for now Tay, let’s give them some privacy this might be one of their last days here on Earth, not that we’re going to let that happen, but we never know. So come on, I’m hungry and I want my best friend to get some, without creeps trying to take down everything they are doing.’ New stated, pulling on Tay shirt before walking towards the other direction.

He tries to hide his worry as he walks a bit faster, if it was up to him, he also wants to do what Tay is suggesting, he really does, but he owes this to Gun. Gun deserves to create moments for his own without being calculated so he decided to deal with this when it’s near.

* * *

‘You don’t have to walk me home, this is not the 50’s’ Gun said when they about to turn the corner to their house, usually he wouldn’t let his friends go near his mother or anywhere she could possibly be at, but tonight is an exemption, he decided to just say fuck it and go.

‘Saying goodbye feels wr-’

‘Gun?’ Someone asks cutting off what Off was trying to say.

‘Aunt Ladda?’ Gun walks forward to see more clearly just to see his Aunt waiting for a cab at the intersection near their house. ‘What are you doing here?’

‘Well, I figured I should probably visit Jane since I was in the area anyways,’ She explained before seeing Off standing sheepishly behind Gun, ‘Oh, I see you got your friend there.’

‘Oh, this is Off, one of my friends. Off, this is my Aunt Ladda.’ Gun introduced, he kind of felt awkward referring to Off as a friend when they’ve done things only people more than friends would do but they haven’t really figure it out so for now friend will do.

‘Good evening ma’am’ Off reaches out to shake her hand which she gladly took.

‘Please, no need to call me ma’am, just call me Ladda or Auntie whichever one you feel comfortable with.’ She dismisses with her hand before she remembered something ‘Did you guys have dinner na?’ She asks which sounds more like a statement rather than a question. ‘Let’s go have some food, you college kids need to eat more, enough of those instant food’

‘I think I should probably go home.’ Off said, walking backwards while scratching the back of his neck.

‘What kind of excuse is that, come on don’t be shy, it’s on me’ She offered again, smiling at Off. Off looks at Gun who is smiling back at him to assure him that his aunt is harmless. Off nods his head, agreeing since the situation looks friendly and inviting.

‘Fantastic! I know a great restaurant we could go to.’ She said exclaimed before calling for a cab.

* * *

‘I’m glad I get to meet one of Gun’s friends, this kid is so closed off that I thought I wouldn’t get to see a day where he’ll introduce me to one.’ She said pushing some rice into her plate with a serving spoon, Gun scowled reaching for the plate of rice after his aunt was done getting some.

‘Really? You’re going to expose me like that?’ He asked, getting some rice for himself before scooping some for Off too.

‘Honey it’s obvious even if I didn’t say a thing. Anyway, how long have you been friends?’ She asked while she gets a side dish next. The table is full of authentic Thai food making Off feel kind of uncomfortable just by eating off from someone he just met.

‘Not too long ago,’ Gun shook his head, reaching for some side dishes too. ‘Maybe for just a couple of months?’ He stated in a form of a question.

‘So, are you guys boyfriends?’ She asks nonchalantly with a faint smirk lurking on her face, making Off almost choke on his food.

‘No, no we’re not. What are you even saying?’ Gun protested, widening his eyes at his aunt. Encouraging Off to join them might not be the best idea for tonight as he feels his cheeks turning red.

‘Are you sure?’ She presses on, chuckling.

‘Yes.’ Gun croaked out, his voice betraying him, making his aunt laugh out loud and Off look at him.

‘How about you? Are you sure?’

‘Yes’ Off answered, after he took a minute to think about it. Ladda smiled at the both of them before cutting a piece of meat.

‘You guys are so cute, it’s only one question and you look like ripe tomatoes. Okay I won’t tease you guys anymore, so tell me what’s your college program Mr. Adulkittiporn.’

Off furrowed his eyebrow in confusion, he’s pretty sure none of them mentioned his last name but he decided to just ignore it. It might have slipped when Gun was talking to her in the cab on the way here.

‘Bachelor of Arts in Film’ He smiled as she nodded.

‘Oh, that’s great you two have the same program, are you guys classmates?’

‘No, I was just recruited to help them in editing since one of my closest friends is the director of the film they are making.’

‘I see. Are you sure you didn’t join because of Gun?’ She asks slyly, sipping from her iced tea.

‘Stop teasing him’ Gun protested once more, kicking her feet from underneath the table.

‘I joined purely because I want to help ma’am.’ He answered more seriously than he intended, swallowing the weird feeling from his subconscious.

‘I told you don’t call me ma’am.’ She smirked before getting asking another question, this time directed to Gun.

Off spaced out until the dinner was over and it’s time to go to their own separate ways, a lot of questions still running through his mind.

Suddenly the meat is not the only thing he’s having a hard time swallowing.

* * *

Off went home right away wanting to get the odd feeling out of his system, he opens the door to their house to find it empty. His parents are still not home and as usual his sister and Nirin is back to their house. He went straight to his bedroom only to find that he is not alone.

‘Dude, I swear to God if you don’t stop doing this, I will break all of your fingers with a hammer, don’t test me I’m telling you.’ He threatened once he saw Tay playing with his phone on his bed. ‘What the fuck are you doing here and how did you even get inside?’

‘You gave me this remember?’ Tay raised his hands, his pointer finger inside the hole of the keychain.

‘Ah one of my regrets in life.’ He fake sighed, scrolling his chair and sitting in front of his friend which he normally does when Tay is around. Whenever Tay is in his house, he acts more of like the owner than him. ‘I’m gonna need that back by the way.’ He warned as soon as he sits down onto his chair.

‘So why are you here?’

‘Why, don’t you miss me?’ Tay asked sarcastically, scooching into a more comfortable position to look at Off directly, which is a little hard since Off started spinning on his chair like a little child visiting their parent’s office.

‘You really want me to answer that?’ He made a face but Tay didn’t laugh, he looked even more serious if that’s even possible.

‘I mean, I just want to spend more time with my best friend who apparently have less than seven days left to live.’

Off stopped spinning on his chair to see that there is no backing out with Tay, ‘H-how did you know?’ He stuttered, everything about this day is so bizarre to him, his brain is having such a hard time trying to comprehend.

‘That is not important right now,’ Tay excused, he doesn’t think telling Off that they have been stalking him and Gun for a couple of days would help right now so he decided to just wing it. ‘Are you really not going to tell me?’

‘If it was you, would you tell me?’

‘Fuck no.’ Tay answered honestly like he always does with Off.

‘See, I think you understand Tay, how hard it is for me to tell other people about this.’

‘I know, I just thought that maybe there’s a chance that you would tell me directly and let me help you.’

Off avoided Tay’s eyes, he’s not an honest man and he hasn’t been for a while, not only to Tay but also to Gun and his family.

‘How did you know? Can you see your own numbers now?’ Tay asks curiously in the calmest way he could possibly can. He doesn’t want to scare Off into admitting things to him even more.

Maybe Off has been lying this whole time but he thinks tonight is the night to start being honest for once so he sighed before he admitted the truth. ‘Gun can see numbers and for some fucked up reasons he saw mine too which is the same day as him but recently he saw that mine was change into a much sooner date which is in six days and four hours from now.’ He started swallowing the lump forming in his throat, he got the first half of truth out now it’s time for the latter half.

‘Wait? What? Dude that is fucked up’ Tay said, not being able to say anything else that fits what he’s feeling, maybe New knows this too but he decided not to tell him which he completely understands but he feels like its unfair after New threw a fit when he didn't tell him about Off’s gift.

If Gun’s secret is not New’s to tell then Off’s is not his to tell either. Tay couldn’t help but feel slightly defeated.

‘But I haven’t been really honest with Gun,’ Off sighed, pushing his hair back to see his friend clearly. ‘and with you.’

Tay doesn’t know what news would be even more shocking than any of these but he decided to brace himself, judging by the look on Off’s face this is not going to be easy. ‘What is it?’ He still asked even when he knew Off would tell him anyway.

‘My numbers aren’t the only one that were updated,’ Off could feel his hands shaking as he is trying to let go of the truth that has been caging him. ‘Gun’s numbers were updated too’

Tay held his breath waiting for Off to carry on.

‘It’s the same as mine.’

‘What the fuck? H-how?’

‘I don’t know Tay, I don't know and I couldn’t tell him either so this has been eating me up for days. Tay I need your help.’

* * *

_‘No, no, no, this is not real’ Gun said out loud when Off pulled away from the kiss. If they saw the same thing then Off knew exactly what it was but it wouldn’t make the situation better if they both freaked out at the same time so Off decided to play dumb while he thinks of a solution they seem to never have._

_‘Gun? Are you okay?’ He asks Gun who looks like he’s breathing inside a plastic bag. When Gun didn’t reply he repeated himself to confirm if what he saw was real and not just something his mind would made up just to fuck with him._

_‘Gun? Gun? Are you okay? Gun!’ He asks once again when the latter looks like he’s about to pass out._

_‘Off c-can… can you see my numbers?’_

~~_Yes._ ~~

_‘Huh?’ He asks once more in contrary to what he saw._

_‘M-my… My numbers, c-can you s-see them right now?’ Gun continues to stutters._

~~_Yes, I can._ ~~

_‘No Gun, I don’t see your numbers right now. Why? What is it?’ He continues to lie._

_Off felt the blood draining out of his system as he looks at the top of Gun’s head._

**_10.08. 55._ **

_His knees are shaking and he tries so hard not to bite his lips from the tension he’s feeling. He knows that lying about this will bite him in the ass later but he’s going to deal with it when it’s time, but right now he doesn’t want to shock Gun even more._

_‘What is it Gun?’ He asks taking a step closer to Gun, he saw Gun flinch, which only proves that Gun probably wouldn’t be able to take it if he admits the truth._

_‘We should probably head home, it’s getting late.’ Gun forced out the words Off knows he didn’t mean, before he turns around, starting his way back to where they came from. The night seems colder and at peace than it did from a couple of minutes ago. The honking from the nearby traffic stops as the cars are now fewer and the road seems wider._

_Everything looks like it’s at its right place. Except for Off._

_Off knows that what he’s about to ask will be odd and it might trigger Gun into asking him more questions that might lead to him telling the truth but he wants to know._

_He wants to see if they’re still the same._

_‘So how many days do I have left now?’ He asks out of nowhere making Gun stop dead on his tracks._

_Gun looks up at Off he knows that there is no point into denying things ‘Ten days, eight hours and fifty-five minutes from what I saw from earlier’_

_So, they’re still the same, Off confirmed that he wasn’t just hallucinating or dreaming._

_Off looks down at his watch, to see that it is now one in the morning. Their tenth day will approximately start later today in the afternoon. He looks back at Gun who can’t hide the confusion running through his head so he decided to ask._

_‘Why? What is it?’_

_‘You’re not bothered at all? Off I just told you that you only have ten days left.’_

_~~We only have ten days left, Gun.~~ _

_‘Freaking out wouldn’t add hours into it right?’ He chuckles, raising one eyebrow at Gun. Trying to make it seem like it doesn’t faze him when all he could feel is his knees about to give up on him._

* * *

~~**6 days** ~~

Gun went home from university to see his sister reading some of her modules in their living room, days have passed and their mom hasn’t invited anyone to drink or to gamble with like what she usually does at this time of the day but Gun doesn’t want to let down the walls he has been building since he was young. He doesn’t want to trust her ever since and doesn’t see the need to start doing so again.

‘Hey I have some bread in here do you want some?’ He asks as he sits down near her.

‘No thanks, I just ate some ramen.’ She dismisses without looking up from what she was reading.

‘Kay.’ Gun said turning on his phone to scroll through social media before something crossed his mind. ‘Oh, and how did it go with Aunt Ladda yesterday?’ I heard she stopped by.’ He decided to check in since he knew how tough Jane is to share something to other people that is not her brother. Their Aunt may have treated them like her children but Jane didn’t really get close to anyone other than Gun or her friends at school.

‘Huh?’ She asks, finally looking up. Her reading glasses sliding down the bridge of her nose. ‘She dropped by?’

‘I thought you guys hanged out?’ Gun throws a question back at Jane, sitting straight. Now he’s as confused as her.

‘No, I was at Puimek’s yesterday until late at night. Maybe she dropped by and left as soon as she saw that we’re not home?’ Jane said, trying to make sense out of it.

‘Right, maybe she did’ Gun nodded before going back to his phone.

Gun decided to drop the subject, not wanting to worry his sister more.

Their aunt Ladda is not the type who lies.

She never did, so maybe there’s a reason as to why she just did. Gun made sure to remind himself to ask her about that once he visits her. 

* * *

~~**5 days** ~~

‘Nice take! And that’s a wrap! Good job guys’ Tay shouted after their last take. Other people from the room claps as the project they have been working on is now officially almost finished, there is still editing and a lot of other process but filming it, is probably the hardest so this deserves a celebration. 

‘Fuck yeah!’ Mild shouted, settling down the mic that she was holding. As the smallest one in the group she insisted on holding the boom mic over the actor’s heads, which is not a problem at all except for the times that she lowered it on accident that ruined some of the takes.

‘Congrats Direct’ Gun congratulated, patting Tay’s back.

Tay smiled back, ‘We wouldn’t have done it without an amazing screenwriter.’

‘Don’t cry now you two’ New said from behind, his eyes red from tearing up. There is just something about finishing a film that is heartwarming, it is one of the reasons why they keep on pursuing this, it is very rewarding even if some people might not appreciate what they created. It took them all they had to make time and to squeeze their creative juices and now it’s finally almost done.

‘That’s coming from you, you big cry baby.’ Tay replied completely forgetting about Gun for a moment as he looks at New who looks cuter while he’s pouting.

‘Ew, okay I’m going now.’

‘Well that’s a sight to see.’ Off chuckles when Gun walked towards him.

‘I know right, people in love stinks’ He exclaimed making sure Tay and New heard him clearly, emphasizing on the word stinks, resulting into New sticking his tongue out at him.

‘Your job is finally here, editing starts now Mister.’ Gun teased, bumping his shoulder to Off.

Off sighs, ‘I know, finally, right? I hope five days would be enough though’ Off sighs, there is no way he could finish this right away since it’s a whole one hour and forty-five-minute film. Tough, Tay and Arm are going to help him, it still wouldn’t be finished and polished by time.

‘Let’s just hope for the best and no pressure, this wasn’t your project anyway so take it easy.’

‘Still,’ Off shifted his weight on his left feet, ‘I promised I would help as much as I can, and that I will do.'

Off breathes out before turning his attention to Tay and all of their other friends.

_‘If this plan doesn’t work out I really am gonna miss all of you, especially you Peng.’_

* * *

**~~4 days~~ **

‘How are you?’ New asks his friend crouching at his favorite corner of the room. Tay told him about the shift of numbers and this is taking a lot from him but he doesn’t want Gun to get suspicious. The three of them; Off, Tay, and he himself agreed to not tell Gun unless they really have to. It is stupid to think that way but they just really think that Gun wouldn’t be able to handle it

‘New, you’re asking me as if we didn’t see each other yesterday.’ Gun rolled his eyes.

‘Still.’ New settled down a mug of hot cocoa in front of Gun, which the latter gladly took. ‘You’re still not going to tell me about Off?’ New wiggles his eyebrow playfully.

Being playful is hard to do especially when he’s feeling a lot of things besides fun.

‘Do you really want to know?’

‘Duh. I have been literally asking you this repeatedly every fucking time.’

Gun laughed before speaking, ‘Okay fine but there really is nothing more than what you guys see, to be honest.’

New huffed from the half assed reply Gun gave, ‘You’re not a fucking celebrity just say you guys are making out in secret and go, you fucking bitch. For goodness sake I told you everything, even the time Tay and I first had sex and you’re giving me crumbs? no ma’am.’

‘And did I ask for it? No? Didn't think so.’ Gun fired back earning a laugh from the both of them.

‘Gun’ New whined like a child that he truly is on the inside. He used to do this since they were young too and it always makes Gun do whatever it is he’s asking for.

‘Fine! a fucking baby I swear to God.’

New smiled teasingly when he knows Gun couldn’t resist when he starts whining.

‘So…’ New encouraged when Gun remained silent.

Gun sighed before spilling everything he can, ‘So yeah we did madeout a couple of times but we haven’t really done it, you know, and we haven’t talked about labels or anything like that so believe me when I say there’s nothing much to say.’

Gun rambled and New made sure that he was there. Present and listening. No matter what happens he will always be there for Gun.

* * *

~~**3 days** ~~

‘It’s getting close.’

‘Yeah’ Off whispered from beside him.

‘What’s your plan?’ Gun asked running his fingers through the Bermuda grass below him, he doesn’t know what to do when the time comes and it’s only him who’d visit this place.

‘The normal, do normal things and face it when it’s there I guess, God we sound like those old people in titanic who was waiting for their death or something’ Off jokes, rolling over to lean on his elbows to get a better view of Gun.

There’s a plan alright but it didn’t entirely involve Gun. Despite of discussing things with Tay and New Off still feels the pull in the pit of his stomach.

‘That’s it? Aren’t you going to do something?’

‘That’s it.’

Off stated, slightly guilty for keeping Gun in the dark but mostly scared what’s yet to come.

* * *

Walking Gun home is now a part of their routine as Off is having a hard time biding his goodbyes. They turned the corner towards the streets where Gun lives, looking around the people a noticing how lively they are. They all look so alive, it seems like Off almost forgot how it feels to live without a timer chasing them. He’s jealous of how carefree they all look.

As they turn another corner which doesn’t have that much people in he gathers up all the courage he has to reach out for Gun’s hands, holding it for the first time.

‘Holding hands, really?’ Gun smirks looking up but that doesn’t stop him from grasping it tighter.

‘Yes, really.’ He answered, swaying their hands back and forth.

Gun didn’t complain further instead, he snaked his other hand to hold Off's fore arm.

This feels nice if a bystander saw them like this, they might think that they aren’t dying.

Gun wishes he could stay like this with off longer, he tightens his grips as they walk closer to his house.

Maybe introducing Off to Jane wouldn’t be such a bad idea, he did it with their aunt he sure could do it again but before they could walk even closer, a van stopped recklessly beside them and the next thing Gun saw was darkness.

Embracing him like an old friend.

* * *

Off opened his eyes, he counted slowly, trying to even his breath.

**1**

**2**

**3**

The next thing he could think of is to try and move his limbs, but to no avail he couldn’t. His mouth is gagged with a piece of clothing and the place looks awfully dark for him to even see anything. Fear is running through his veins, he has no idea where he is nor who would want to do this to him, to Gun. He is currently lying on the ground in a fetal position with both of his arms and legs tied behind him. The cold concrete made the hair from the back of his neck stand up.

He’s shivering as the door creaks open, letting a small hint of light from the outside creep in. He heard footsteps making its way towards him. He tried screaming once again but like how it went earlier, it didn’t really do anything.

‘Hello my sweet sweet nephew.’ Someone said before he felt something grabbing his hair to make him look up.

* * *

Gun shivers due to the open window at the top most corner of the room that is too familiar for him, his hands are tied up and he is laying in a fetal position on the cold concrete. He tried moving his body but due to the drug the faceless men made them inhale from earlier.

He tried screaming but like in a nightmare he couldn’t do anything but exhaust himself. He could feel the fear overcoming his senses as he tries to think of a way out, but before he could do so he hears the door open from behind him. After that he heard footsteps making its way towards him.

‘Hello my dear nephew.’ Someone before a familiar figure make its way towards where Gun could see her.

_‘So, this is it? This is how we’re going to die?’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment on who you think will die first ;) hehehe just kidding or am I? Hahaha char


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Blood, violence, mentions of death, insanity, anxiety

~~**2 days** ~~

Death is not for everyone.

Some of us die and some lives forever, buried in moments and faint memories, though, not all of us are lucky to be remembered and not all of us deserves to be. Gun doesn’t know which one is he as he stares at the person in front of him, trying to process the reason as to why the person he considered as a parent, even more than his own mother, is right here in front of him playing with a small gun in her hands. Never in his whole existence did he think that things would turn out this way.

‘I know what you might think, ‘She’s one of the few people I have left, why is she doing this to me right now? Blah blah blah’ His aunt Ladda rolled her eyes, sitting on a rusty stool in front of him. Gun groaned, wiggling his body in an attempt to break free but like in the past few hours of him being tied up it is only taking up all the energy he has left.

She looked down at him like an animal she’s about to kill, and in this scenario there’s no doubt that she probably will. Gun looks up to meet her eyes only to see no remains of the person she was yesterday. It saddens him even more to see her turn into a person he doesn’t recognize. He flinches as soon as she started laughing, ‘I really thought you were smart Gun, I really did, but I guess no one would suspect the aunt who fed you, dressed you, financially supported you to reach your dreams, as if you will be able to, and the one who doesn’t do anything but be positive, right? god those dragging years of waiting for this moment is finally over.’ She chuckles, twirling the gun in with her fingers.

Gun doesn’t have any other choice but to listen to her, his limbs are stiff due to exhaustion and his vision is getting blurry. He laid on the cold hard floors, letting her words puncture him. ‘You see, I am not a bad person nor am I trying to be and I think you know, that but I think taking someone else’s child in exchange of your own is the least I could do, right? I mean, that woman, your mother’ She hanged standing up before walking closer to Gun, ‘took everything from me and there she was wasting her life away while I had to mourn the lost of my only chance of having a child and my twin brother at that.’

She crouches in front of him, using her pointer finger to make him look directly at her. Gun tried to look away but she just grabbed his face tighter. ‘It’s just unfair’ she exclaimed in a very dramatic voice,

‘She gets to have two.’

A flash of sorrow crosses her eyes before she hid it with a blank look, ‘She gets to have two children and she doesn’t even take care of them as she goes on in her own selfish ways, and I? Gun, I have none. That is why I think she doesn’t deserve the pleasure of having children, she doesn’t deserve to be a mother. And that my dear, is why you’re here Gun.’ She laughs once again.

For a second Gun felt bad for her, she looks lost and sad. This is the first time he’s seeing her in this light and all he could feel is his heart aching for her, but there’s no doubt that she’s completely lost it.

The look in her eyes says it all.

* * *

Nanon looks into the tiny window by the door of which they kept Off all night, next to the room they have been keeping Gun. This scenario looks awfully familiar. Same rooms, though the building looks abandoned now, it’s darker and way filthier than it was before.

It still feels like a déjà vu.

It pains him to see his nephew like this but the moment Ladda asked him to, he knows he doesn’t have much of a choice but to comply. Since Ladda is one of their superiors from before, he knows that when he lets her, she might end up hurting Off or worse, killing them both, and he won’t let that happen, not again.

To be fair he’s not really sure as to why Off got involved but he knew it’s just a product of Ladda going insane. She doesn’t have any logical reason to do this to Off, like her reasons for Gun, but she has always been brutal. She wants to inflict pain to other people and unfortunately Off is now her subject. Now combine that mentality with her possible insanity, it’s hell.

He sighs as he opens the door walking towards Off, ‘Hello my sweet sweet nephew.’ He said when the door behind him is not yet shut. He doesn’t want to let his guard down, Ladda might hear him and that wouldn’t do them any good.

He walks as close as he could to Off before he crouches down pulling on Off’s hair just to play his part, ‘I’m going to take this off, okay. Don’t make any sound and just listen to me.’ He said refferign to the piece of cloth gagging Off.

Off widens his eyes as soon as he saw his uncle, he nods his head after his brain registered the things Nanon said. ‘I’m not going to let you die, you hear me? So, I want you to listen to me and do as I say. The day after tomorrow, right about this time. I’m going to have a vehicle waiting for you outside by the back entrance of this building near the labs. You’re going to sneak your way out on your own because if it’s the two of us she’ll know and it’s easier to get noticed. You understand?’ He commanded sternly, looking directly at Off to see if he gets what he’s trying to say.

‘W-what about Gun?’ Off whispered, his voice hoarse from fear and exhaustion. He tried to keep it at low just like what his uncle instructed. It’s still not clear to him as to why they are here and why this is happening but he figures that this is not the time to asks questions that might need long answers.

They are running out of time, literally.

Nanon sighed he knows that Off would asks for this and he’s not really looking forward into answering. He looks at Off one more time before he wipes his face, ‘I-I’m sorry kid, I don’t think I’ll be able to save the both of you.’

‘I can’t leave him behind.’

‘Off, there’s only one of you I could sneak out without getting caught, it’s either you or him and I’m sorry but I’m not going to let it be you.’ His uncle answered frankly.

Off didn’t reply, if things are going down into that choice then he is left with nothing but to choose. Even if that choice leads into risky measures.

‘I tried you know?’ Nanon suddenly stated, disrupting his train of thoughts. ‘I tried giving Gun signals, through subliminal images and auditory cues for months though there might be lapses and it might not be translated accurately but I tried warning him. He might have gotten fragments of memories from the past or warnings in forms of dreams, but I guess it didn’t really work. I’m sorry Off.’

Now it hit him, the script that Gun wrote was not coincidental at all, it confused him for a moment that Gun would write something that is related to their condition so upfront and that one of the characters is the same name as his uncle, he even tried to shrug it off thinking that it might just be some coincidence but now he knows that that was manipulated by what his uncle has just said. He loves learning theories but he’s not an actual scientist like his uncle to fully understand so he just grasped what he could.

What the fuck is happening? He wants to ask a lot of questions but he was only able to word out one.

‘Uncle Nan, did you do this to us?’ He asks looking up. The moment their eyes met he knew the answer. Even without asking what Off means by that question Nanon knows it’s only about one thing and that is their ability to see other people’s time of death.

‘I was young back then Off, I was a coward. They were looking for new subjects along the area, and unfortunately you two were one of the chosen ones, I didn’t have the courage to fight for you. For your freedom. If I can’t get you out of that then let me get you out of here. The day after tomorrow, at around this time. Go by the back entrance.’ He said finally before standing up and going on his way but as he grips the handle of the door he looks back at Off.

‘Oh, Gun is in the other room, he’s still alive and for your safety pretend that I’m your enemy just until I get you out of here.’

_And that I will._

* * *

The night deepens and Gun couldn’t feel more restless. He couldn’t stop thinking about Off and his whereabouts, one thing he knows is that Off is still alive, his numbers aren’t due till the day after tomorrow but Gun still couldn’t be at ease. He doesn’t know what these people are capable of, they might have hurt him or kept him somewhere unbearable. He also couldn’t stop thinking about his sister Jane, now that their aunt is going batshit crazy she might hurt her too and Gun doesn’t think he could take that. He couldn’t even imagine it without shaking up his core.

His train of thoughts were disrupted by the wind blowing through the small window by the upper corner of the room. For as long as he could remember he took rest in that image in mind, it has always been the icon of freedom for him but right now it is nothing but. His frail figure is hunched over at the left corner of the room, hugging him like his favorite corner in New’s condo but what he’s feeling is nowhere near comfort.

_‘Tap’_

A small tap by the wall on his right side made him flinch, after everything that has happened there is no way he’s going to trust something that easy, he even questions his own mind if where he’s currently at is even real.

_‘Tap’_

He stares at the wall as if it’s going to say something to him and much to his surprise it spoke with a voice so familiar even when hushed.

‘Gun, it’s me.’ Off said in a low voice, the paper-thin walls became a blessing as soon as he heard those words. He started crawling towards the wall, his hands and feet are still tied up as he endures the pain, he got from using his elbow to give him a boost. Suddenly he doesn’t feel tired at all, as all he wanted to do is to press his ear against the wall to hear Off better. Gun bends down while he reaches out his hand for the piece of cloth that has been gagging him since earlier, trying his hardest to take it off. Fortunately, he was able to pull it downwards. The disgusting taste leaving his mouth as soon as he the cloth hangs on his neck.

‘Off? Off is that you?’ He asked once again after pressing his ear onto the cold wall.

‘Gun are you okay?’ Off breaths out, he feels relieve to hear Gun’s voice once again, it makes him feel like he’s still in control of his mind.

Gun chuckles drily, ‘What the hell are we going to do now?’ Off forced a chuckle himself, letting it out along with bitterness.

There is no time for them to beat around the bush so Off immediately spilled out what his uncle said was only for him. 

‘There will be a vehicle waiting for us the day after tomorrow, we have to escape Gun.’ He decided to tell Gun, leaving out the part that that plan was only for him. Let’s be real, even if he escapes, he wouldn’t be able to live with that fact that he left Gun alone to die. That would kill him more than anything.

‘Wait what? How did you know that?’

Off sighed before answering as he leans his back onto the wall. Where does he even start. ‘Well it’s a long story but to cut it short my uncle is apparently one of these people and I guess he had a change of heart and he wants to help.’

Gun shook his head, also leaning against the wall. It’s probably his mind playing with him but he could almost feel Off’s warmth. He leans his head gently towards it, looking up at the window from above before he speaks, ‘How are you even sure that he will really help us?’ He asks suddenly, remembering the look on his aunt’s face not too long ago. If his aunt that he really trusts will do something like this, how are they so sure that Off’s uncle wouldn’t do the same?

‘I mean we don’t really have any other choice but to trust him’ Off answered, he could feel his weight pushing onto the wall on his back. ‘and if he’s not going to help us then we probably should just help ourselves.’

A moment of silent pleas and fearful seconds crossed them before Gun spoke.

‘It was my aunt.’ Gun admitted suddenly and out of context, he’s tired of having all of this shit surrounding them. Maybe if he worded it out, the universe would stop fucking them over. He heard a subtle hum from Off, he took it as a green light to continue what he’s saying. ‘She was behind all of this.’

‘You mean your aunt Ladda?’ Off furrowed his eyebrow, remembering the night they ate out together. To be honest since then there’s just an unsettling aura with that woman, Off never felt comfort around her, there was just a lingering discomfort. Guess this was the reason.

‘Yeah, I didn’t know up until earlier,’ Gun runs his fingers through his messy hair that’s kind of damp from sweat. He has been sweating torridly and he just knows that this will continue until all of this is over.

‘I’m sorry.’ Gun whispers, he feels guiltier than ever. 

‘Stop, this is not your fault. Can you please stop saying sorry for the things you have no control of?’ Off sighed, this has been the nth time Gun is saying sorry to him. ‘This is just another episode of our parents’ siblings fucking us over.’

‘Your uncle doesn’t seem as bad as my aunt though’

‘When did this turn into a contest of who’s aunt or uncle is the worse?’ Off chuckles ‘He’s not that bad but we can’t hide that fact that he’s one of those people who gave us this burden.’

‘Judging by today my aunt seems like she’s one of the masterminds and I didn’t even suspect her. Not even once.’ Gun could only stare at the window, memorizing the cracks and the holes that made it look years older than the one from his memories. He just sat there, listening to Off fill him in with information that is too crazy to think of, but since they’re living a life that’s crazy enough to have this kind of things Gun didn’t even seem fazed.

He reaches out his hand, pointing his finger to trace the outline of the window.

He’s too far from being free.

* * *

~~**1 day 3 hours 45 minutes** ~~

‘I see you’ve been talking with your friend there’ Ladda started, looking at the cloth on his neck instead of his mouth before dropping a tray of cold food in front of Gun. ‘Here, I figure you might be hungry.’

Gun shoot daggers towards her direction before spiting down on the ground.

‘I’m not going to clean that up, good luck sleeping next to your own spit.’ She shook her head before pulling a stool and sitting on it. ‘What? You’re just going to look at me like that? Don’t you want to talk with your favorite Aunt before you die?’ She teased, crossing her legs before leaning forward.

‘How could you?’ Gun doesn’t know where to start but his anger couldn’t be helped anymore.

‘How could I? oh right, I’m the nasty villain of your sad little life’ She scoffs ‘You know if I knew your mother wouldn’t put her gift into good use, I wouldn’t have persuaded her to have it. It’s just a waste you know?’ She shakes her head, reminiscing old memories.

‘You call this a gift?’

‘Isn’t it?’ She widened her eyes, tilting her head towards her right. If Gun met her just today, he would have been scared shitless.

‘This is a burden; you and all of those other people are ruining the lives of innocent people.’

She laughs wholeheartedly at how red Gun got after getting out a single sentence. ‘It’s not our fault you’re all too stupid to use it to your advantage. Maybe if you just used your head, then maybe you’re not here right now right? You’re just like her.’

Gun didn’t reply as he swallows hard, waiting for her next hurtful words.

‘God you remind me so much of her, that its actually making me angry. From your looks, down to how dumb you are. You are just like your mother Gun, you’re just like the one you hate the most. My brother would have been better off without her but he’s family man what can I say? Peaceful life my ass.’ She spats, pulling out her gun and pointing it to her nephew and playing with it.

She sighs, ‘It’s his fault for dying first and entrusting you to me.’

* * *

~~**12 hours and 45 minutes** ~~

‘This plan of ours doesn’t really sit well with my spirit.’ New plopped down on the sofa, laying his head on Tay’s lap.

‘I know but that’s what Off wants us to do, follow them at exactly five hours before their time. He said it will probably give us enough time to help them, thinking that mundane things would try and kill them’

‘Sometimes I think that it will be better if we just asked Gun to plan it out’ New rolled his eyes, reaching for his phone.

‘What are you doing?’ Tay frantically asks, reaching out to get the phone from New.

‘It’s time we call Gun.’ New answered dialing the number of his best friend, standing up and putting his hand on his hips while he waits for the other to answer the phone.

Tay stood up following him, resulting into Tay chasing him. ‘New! Give me it.’ Tay reaches out only for New to extend his hand even more.

‘New’ Tay groaned.

‘Tay! How can we just sit around? They less than a day left, let me call him.’

‘Still.’ Tay persisted resulting into him elbowing a vase settled on top of a counter. New felt his heart twinge with the sound of the glass breaking. This doesn’t feel right. ‘That’s it I’m calling Gun.’

Tay surrendered, bending down to pick up large shards of Glass that is too big to be swept.

New presses his ear against his mobile phone only to hear a beep followed by a voicemail. He tried once again before hearing the same voicemail.

‘Tay?’

‘Hmm?’ Tay asks looking up.

‘Can you call Off?’

‘Okay wait, I’ll just clean this u-’ Tay stopped midsentence when the glass from his hand slid and cut him on his pointer finger. The both of them went quiet as the look at the droplets of blood hitting the cold tile.

* * *

‘Do you think someone noticed that we’re gone?’ Gun asks. The sun peeked through the window it’s his only indication of time. They have been in here for nights filling each other in with information of what have gotten them in here. After his aunt left the room from yesterday, he couldn’t get himself to close his eyes even for just a minute.

‘I don’t think so, I think they would notice after a couple of days.’

‘So, when we’re already dead?’ Gun asks bitterly, the exhaustion mixed with hunger and the ropes binding his hands and feet are starting to get into him. He looks down on his wrist, seeing red marks on his blistering skin.

Off didn’t answer he just sat there, counting seconds. His nerves are getting the best of him.

‘Your plan sucks by the way.’ Gun said, taking Off by surprise but before he could answer Gun already continued talking. ‘I went to New’s the other day and while he was at the bathroom, I saw a notification on his phone from you guy’s group chat, which is also a stupid thing to do if you’re keeping something from someone, anyway I saw my name and I got curious so I read the messages.’ He stated honestly, clicking his tongue, ‘I guess tomorrow is also the day for me huh?’

He doesn’t feel any anger towards Off, he completely understands why he has to do that but he still feels like he jus lost days of his life without even knowing it.

‘I bet those two would stay oblivious until we’re down to our last five hours. Damn you’re right, that plan sucks.’ Off couldn’t help but chuckle at his own stupidity. ‘But you couldn’t really blame me, here I am thinking we’re going to die by some stupid but ordinary shit not this crazy ass fever dream that we’re currently having.’

Gun snorted, there’s a small part of him that feels thankful that Off is the one with him right now. He knows it’s bad to think that way, Off doesn’t really deserve to be in here but still Gun couldn’t help but think that if someone else is here with him or worse if he’s all alone he probably would have just accepted his own fate. He would have given up, long ago.

With Off he feels somewhat courageous.

‘Why would we even trust those two with our lives.’ Gun jokes, even if he always makes fun of New he knows deep down that he trust New with everything he has.

* * *

~~**10 hours and 30 mins** ~~

‘I still couldn’t contact them.’ New panicked, pacing back and fort in his living room, dialing Gun’s number again.

‘Okay let’s not panic, maybe they’re just somewhere together you know.’ Tay answered but even himself didn’t believe that, he needs to fight New’s negativity with hope. That’s all they could have right now

Tay scrolls through his cellphone, looking for the application that s enables him to find Off’s location. He analyzed it for a moment before he saw the green dot indicating where Off might be in. When he saw where it is, he started to get more nervous. It’s not in Off’s house nor Gun’s, it also not in other places Off usually goes to, his suspicions rise as he looks back at New.

‘He’s in here, it’s kind of far but if we go now, we would probably make it on time.’ Tay said, out of breath, raising his phone so New would see.

‘Then let’s go’

After getting inside of the car owned by his parents, New couldn’t stop fidgeting in his seat. He lets Tay drive since he is still trying to reach out to Gun or now even to Off but still, none of them answers. He could feel his breath getting uneven as he looks out of the window. The sun is blinding him but all he could think of is how far this is from Gun’s typical places to be. He bit the skin from the side of his index finger to ease his nerves but nothing is really helping.

They all had a hint that this would happen but that didn’t lessen the anxiety he’s getting, it even made it worse.

 _‘Gun please’_ He thought to himself, still hoping to see his friend alive and well.

* * *

~~**10 hours** ~~

Off massages his wrist to ease the burn from being tied up, his uncle loosens it up earlier before reminding him of the time. So now they only have at about eight more hours before his uncle drove up towards the back exit and approximately ten hours before their own number arrive.

He taps on the wall besides him to let Gun know.

_‘Tap’_

No one answers. He decided to try again.

_‘Tap’_

It took a couple of minutes before he heard two taps, confirming that there’s someone listening from the other side. He’s not sure whether to trust it or not but he decided to shoot his shot. There is no other way for him to say it.

‘Gun, eight hours.’ That’s all he said not giving too much but making sure Gun could get the idea.

He really hopes he does.

* * *

Gun feels the cold metal of a pistol against his temple, paralyzing him.

Ladda smirks before mouthing the words ‘Is he stupid or what?’ She looks down at her watch checking the time of when they’ll try to escape, trying her hardest not to laugh at the situation at hand.

Gun sat still, bullets of sweat rolls down his forehead. He could feel the shiver down his spine as he tries to stop the tears from running down. The small window of hope he has been looking at is now closing in on him.

Slowly and agonizing.

* * *

~~**9 hours** ~~

New rushed outside the car as soon as Tay hits the break. The place looks abandoned, which is never a good sign in these situations, it is not smart for them to just go unarmed since they don’t know what’s waiting for them but his need to see Gun is much bigger than his fears right now.

He went inside the building to see it empty and dark, the hair at back of his neck stood up as he watches Tay follow the tracker on his phone, passing by a couple of rooms before finally stopping in front of one. New couldn’t help it as he pushes the door open which is a little to heavy for him, it seems like there’s something blocking the door, which required the both of them to push.

New groaned, feeling his left arm bruising but he couldn’t really think of that right now as he gives it his all before the door finally opens.

To his surprise, the room is empty except for two cellphones laying on the ground.

He tries his hardest to catch his breath but he feels like he’s been running a marathon without a finish line, he looks back at Tay who looks as pale as him. Tay grabbed New’s shoulder with his shaky hands, squeezing it.

‘Tay.’ New breathed out before he felt tears running down the side of his face.

They have been chasing a dead end after all.

* * *

~~**1 hour and 50 minutes** ~~

There is nothing more agonizing for Off other than waiting for those dragging hours to pass by him. It’s ironic how he wants time to pass by quick while knowing that he’s possible end is waiting by the door step. He’s not even sure if he counted accurately but he managed to stay quiet along those hours and Gun did too, maybe they’re both thinking of the same thing.

They couldn’t trust anyone.

Those hours of him sitting in silence made him almost lose his mind but he tried his best to endure. He looks down on his ankles and hands that his uncle managed to let loose from earlier as he stood up.

It’s time.

He walks closer to the door; the place is suspiciously quiet making him almost shit his pants. He grips the door handle twisting it before crouching towards the hallway. There is no one in sight, he could feel his heartbeat getting uneven as he looks around the place. Now that he’s out of his room there’s no going back so he decided to set his doubts away to the back of his mind. He walks at the room besides his. Twisting the handle once again, this time slower.

A voice welcomed him as soon as he opens the door.

‘You’re ten minutes late to your eight hours Off’ Ladda smiled at him, pointing the pistol towards Gun who is laying unconsciously on the floor.

* * *

~~**50 minutes** ~~

Nanon grips the stirring wheel, it’s been past an hour and he still couldn’t see any sign that Off escaped safely. He feels bad for making Off do it by himself but there is no other way to escape unnoticed.

He breathes out, looking down at his watch. He knows for a fact that Off is going to try to save Gun but he really wishes he didn’t because they are running out of time. He opens the door, leaving the keys behind before stepping out of the car. He immediately went back to building, making his way towards the rooms.

There is no point in giving up now, he thought to himself before opening the door.

* * *

_‘Do you think we can end this by ourselves?’ Chimon asks, looking up at him as they review the new batches of subjects. The pages are filled with information and pictures of innocent people they are about to use as an experiment._

_He sighs brushing off the hair that is blocking his sight, ‘If only we can Chimon, but do you really think there’s an end to this? After everything we’ve done? Maybe all of these will stop at the right time, but maybe not in our time.’ He shook his head reading the profile on the third page_

**_Name: Fiat Janngeon_ **

**_Age: 8 months old_ **

**_Sex: Male_ **

**_Approved_ **

**_Went through first observation and testing._ **

_‘Well I still hope so’ Chimon replied flipping through the pages._

**_Name: Prigkhing_** **_Sureeyaret Yakaret_**

**_Age: 2 years old and three months_ **

**_Sex: Female_ **

**_Denied_ **

**_Failed Test B, unit II. Not suitable for any more tests._ **

_Chimon stopped the moment a familiar name came across his view._

**_Name: Off Jumpol Adulkittiporn_ **

**_Age: 4 years old and one month_ **

**_Sex: Male_ **

**_Up for approval._ **

_‘Wait, isn’t this your nephew?’ Chimon holds up the paper he’s been holding to let Nanon see clearly. Nanon furrowed hi eyebrow before grabbing the paper from Chimon, ‘What is this?’ He looks back to see Chimon shrugging._

_‘They can’t do this.’ He shook his head, gripping the paper tighter, crumpling the sides of it in the process. He sounds like a hypocrite and he knows he is, but the anger inside him just keeps getting stronger as he stares at his nephew’s picture at the upper left corner of the paper._

_‘We have to stop them, we have to help your nephew and all these other kids. We are only defeated once we stopped trying.’ Chimon stated firmly encouraging Nanon to look at him._

* * *

~~**30 minutes** ~~

_‘We are only defeated once we stopped trying.’_

Though Nanon has a clear view of what’s waiting for him inside he opens the door with all he has left with Chimon’s voice circling his mind. The moment he made up his mind to save Off he also created scenarios like this in his head. He was expecting it but that doesn’t mean he’s less terrified.

‘Oh, look finally he’s here’ Ladda stood up like she has been waiting for this her whole life. She looks much older than before and much weaker now that her people are all turning their back at her.

Ladda is weak she’s not as powerful as she was before but she still has a few people and a gun. Plus, she still doesn’t hesitate to use it to inflict harm. ‘What took you so long? I thought this family reunion was set an hour ago?’ She smirks at him taking at step closer.

Nanon clenches his hands due to frustrations walking a bit backwards, he took a second to check up on Off and Gun, just to see Off tied up once again and Gun laying unconsciously on the floor. He felt relieved to at least see the both of them still breathing.

‘Do you really think I’m stupid? The moment you saw your nephew the other day I knew that your weak conscience couldn’t take it.’ She took another step closer, her sinister smile is still the same as before.

‘Does it really have to go to this?’ He asks, almost screaming. ‘Haven’t you done enough?’

She snorted, taking a couple of seconds to think of a snarky remark. ‘This is far from being enough.’ She screamed at once, taking the people inside the room in surprise before she chuckles, ‘Oops was that too much of a villain? Well I’m sorry that wasn’t ladylike.’

‘Can’t you see yourself, you don’t have your people anymore. They woke up from all your lies.’ He spat out, the look from Ladda’s face shifted.

Losing that much power is a trigger for her and it’s obvious no matter how much she tries to hide it.

‘I don’t need them. I don’t need you. I don’t need weak people. You have always been weak Nanon, it’s such a waste since you’re one of the smart ones but you couldn’t save Chimon and now you’re repeating the same mistakes’ She stated firmly, pointing the gun directly at his face. Nanon swallowed hard before taking another step back. ‘And for your information this way beyond all of that, if you think that I’m just doing this because I lost it or because I want to regain the power I once had then you’re wrong, all of you are wrong. I’m doing this to take my revenge at life. It’s couldn’t be possible that only I’m the one who’s suffering right?’ She moves closer slowly, cornering Nanon at the far-left corner of the room.

‘I’ve seen the way everyone looked at me, it’s as if I’m crazy. You know what? Maybe I am,’ She shrugged, placing her pointer finger at the trigger of the gun but not entirely pulling it. ‘But let me show you what crazy me-’ She wasn’t able to finish her sentence when something hard came in contact with her head. Her eyes rolled back before she hits the ground.

Gun tried to collect his breath upon doing something like that to his aunt, but she’s not his aunt anymore. She’s nothing but a mere stranger.

Nanon clutches his chest before rushing back to untie Off with Gun helping him.

‘Go, go now. I left the keys to my car let me deal with her.’ Nanon commanded as soon as the last knot was loose

‘No, what are you saying? We can’t leave you here.’ Off shook his shoulders, trying to shake some sense out of him.

‘She’s still alive and we can’t let her go just like that so listen to me and go. Go as far as you can for now. I’m gonna be okay, I promise. Now! Go! The both of you.’ Nanon screamed out before Off grabbed Gun’s shirt, pulling him out into the exit. He’s not sure if he made the right choice but all he knows is that there is no point in wasting any more of their time as he sprinted out with Gun trying really hard to catch his breath.

They went inside the car before he twisted the keys to start the engine, that’s when they heard a loud bang. A gunshot, he’s not sure whether it harmed someone but his throat started closing in and his vision became blurry as he stepped on the gas.

It’s better to get some help from now.

Gun clutches his own thighs, feeling his whole body shaking. He couldn’t get himself to speak before he felt the car accelerating.

‘Off...’

‘Gun I don’t know okay? We can’t do anything else. I’m sorry’ His voice croaked as he tries to concentrate on the road ahead of them, his eyes frantic. They only need to pass the bridge before they could find help and go back to his uncle.

Come on, just a couple more push and they would be able to go back to him.

‘No, that is not what I’m s-saying,’ Gun started looking at the rearview mirror, stuttering as he goes. ‘T-there’s someone following us.’ He said, like instinct Off looked up at the mirror only to see that Gun is right.

‘I t-think It’s my uncle Pom, that’s his car.’ His voice is shaking and his legs are quivering.

Off carries on, stopping right now is more dangerous for them, so he steps more into the gas making them almost flew while they enter the bridge. It took them minutes before they figured out that Pom is not alone, he’s with one of Ladda loyal people, Off and Gun confirmed that when the other guy pulled the half of his body out of the window to point a gun at their car.

Off pushed Gun lower with his free hand, making Gun duck his head.

It took the nameless guy a couple of shots before he succeeded, popping the tire of Off and Gun’s vehicle. Off tried his best to swerve further away from the side of the bridge but to no avail the car went straight into the ocean beneath them.

* * *

~~**1 minute** ~~

Like a moment of reviving, Gun felt the water slaps his skin, it didn’t take long before the vehicle was filled with it. He tried to look at Off besides him who has his eyes closed but he’s running low on oxygen himself. He pulled on to the seatbelt wrapped around his body, but he couldn’t seem to redeem his strength after a couple of sleepless nights, hunger, and fear itself.

He counted as the world feels like its closing in on him.

1

2

3

His eyes started to shut even as he attempts to stay awake, he lets the water submerge him.

 _This is not the first time Off and him got drenched in water but this might be the last time._ He thought before his consciousness fleets away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a lot to write and probably a lot to take in, but life can only get better from here, right? ;)


	25. Chapter 25

‘He’s waking up.’ 

‘Wait let me call the nurse’ Someone familiar said, but everything is a blur and the room swirls in his mind.

Squinting his eyes didn’t help him at all for the lights looked even more blinding.

A few moments later and people in white coats rushes inside the room, one of them pointed a flashlight in his eyes making him want to look away but he decided not to. After a couple while they started talking gibberish. Words and sentences he just can’t understand. It’s like they’re talking inside a fish bowl. They’re voice are muffled and incoherent.

‘What day is it?’ He forced himself to ask, his throat hurts and his voice is hoarse. The room went quiet for a moment, giving him time to grasp what is happening.

‘It’s October 26, 2020. You were in an accident yesterday’ The one who’s checking up on him said.

He closes his eyes, memories from what happened yesterday started crashing in, making his temple throb matching the uneven beating of his heart.

‘What time is it?’ He asks once again just to make sure. The one he’s currently talking with looks down on her watch before answering.

‘It’s 6 in the evening.’ She stated

A breath of relief escaped his mouth as he lets his head fall back on down the pillow.

He made it.

He’s actually alive, but how?

He took a moment to himself before a moment of panic came crashing back, ‘But where’s…’

* * *

_The wide meadow filled his line of sight as he runs across the field with a vast variety of flowers. Different colors indulge his small figure, maybe wearing a white shirt was the best idea he’s had in months._

_It makes him stand out._

_He walks even further, disappearing in the middle of the field. He pouts upon seeing that some flowers are even taller than him._

_‘Damn you! You freakishly tall sunflowers’ He thought to himself. The sun is about to set, adding another feel into what he is seeing._

_He inhales the fresh air, this is beautiful. Now that he tries to recall everything, he doesn’t remember as to why he is here or how he got here, but that’s the least he could think of right now._

_The beautiful place will be put into waste if he keeps on worrying._

_‘Gun!’ Someone called from behind him making him look back. He smiles as he sees Off holding one of the tulips in one hand, standing out not only because of his height but because he’s also wearing a white polo shirt._

_‘You know you’re not suppose to pluck them, right?’ He beams walking closer to the latter. Off chuckles looking down at the flower down his hand._

_‘I didn’t pluck this one out, I just saw it on the ground. I thought that it looked too good to be stepped on. So here.’ Off said reaching his hand out to hand the flower to Gun._

_‘Oh, thanks.’ He replied shortly, the flower doesn’t look like it fit the field. It’s the only black flower in here, but he accepted it with a smile._

_He likes it. It’s different from the rest._

_‘Come on, I’ll show you something.’ Off started, reaching out for his hand before pulling him down the path he never saw was there. He grips Off’s hand tighter, letting it drag him to where this place was._

_They arrived at a place that looks like the edge of the world, it’s a cliff that overlooks the sea._

_It looks never ending._

_It’s the most beautiful place Gun had ever saw. There are waves that are crashing at the shore below them and the line that separates the sea from the sky._

_Its breath taking._

_Off sat down at the edge, dangling his feet. He pats the space besides him, encouraging Gun to do the same, which the other one didn’t hesitate to oblige. Sitting down and feeling the ocean breeze kiss his cheeks._

_‘Isn’t this beautiful?’ Off asks, swaying his feet back and forth, bumping into Gun’s a couple of times._

_‘It is’ Gun nodded appreciating the scenery in front of him. Too bad he doesn’t have a camera or any gadget to capture the moment, but seeing it is enough for now._

_Being in here is more than enough._

_He admired it for God knows how long before he scrunches his nose, turning back to Off. ‘Where are we by the way?’ He tilted his head looking at Off who is now smiling at him before he shook his head._

_‘Actually, I don’t know.’ Off chuckles, shrugging his shoulder._

_Gun nodded once again, he doesn’t want to asks any more questions that they both doesn’t seem to have the answer to, instead he leans his head on to Off’s shoulder, snuggling at the crook of its neck. They let the moment speak for itself, for words don’t seem to fit what they are feeling right now._

_Off cleared his throat before speaking, breaking the comfortable silence between them. ‘You know if I have to associate people with days, I think you’re all of my yesterdays’_

_Gun furrowed his eyebrows looking up at Off, he didn’t have the chance to say anything before Off continued. ‘and all of my tomorrows.’_

_‘What do you mean?’_

_‘I just, I can’t look back without seeing you and I can’t move forward without being with you either. All I’m saying is that I wouldn’t have any trouble choosing you every day, Gun. Doesn’t matter where we are in life, I think I would always choose you.’_

_Gun beams, his dimples showing as he realizes that Off is the same with him. He didn’t expect Off to say something like that to him this soon so he couldn’t think of anything else to say._

_‘Ditto.’ He replied snaking his hand on Off’s. Gripping tighter, as the both of them just be._

* * *

‘Gun’

Gun shook his head before he went back to earth. Stopping his mind from spiraling back to the dream he had, or was it a dream? He couldn’t exactly remember. He felt something wet on his cheeks before he decided to wipe it away, there must be a reason as to why he’s tearing up but he’s not sure as to what it was.

He looks at the people standing at the end of his hospital bed. It didn’t feel like it’s been long since he spaced out but the nurses and the doctor are nowhere in sight.

‘Gun?’ He blinks once or twice before seeing his sister snapping her fingers in front of him, trying to get his attention.

‘What?’ He asks once again, completely lost as to what is happening.

‘You spaced out for literally fifteen minutes, but don’t worry the doctors said that that’s normal.’ Jane explained, walking towards the water dispenser to get herself a cup of water, before turning back to her brother. ‘By the way, you were asking something before. Do you remember it?’

He racks his brain for any signs of the question he was trying to ask, but unfortunately, he couldn’t remember. Like pure instinct he decided to ask another one just to fill in his mind.

‘You.’ He turns towards his mother who was standing besides Jane this whole time but wasn’t uttering a single word. ‘What are you doing here?’

‘Gun’ Jane started but was immediately cut off by their mother.

‘I’m glad you’re alive.’

* * *

**_1 hour before the accident_ **

_‘How can you even report an accident that hasn’t even happen yet?’ She thought to herself as she dialed the emergency numbers on her phone._

_‘191, What’s your emergency?’_

_She took a deep breath, trying to think of the right words that would make them believe her, she has been following Ladda for a couple of days now. She figured that it will be dangerous to report to the police days prior because Ladda might also involve Jane and the police might also not believe her when she has no other alibi other than the numbers, she saw on top of Gun’s head weeks prior._

_After everything that has happened there is only one person she could think of that would do something like this, and she confirmed her intuitions when she saw men abduct Gun and another young man right by their street._

_Of course, it was hard for her to risk Gun being hurt up to point where she couldn’t get herself to sleep but Ladda didn’t give her much of a choice, she knows how Ladda thinks and she’s pretty sure that Ladda will try to swerve into a different plan once she knew that something was up, so she tried to stay under the radar for almost a month._

_Damn it, she’s so stupid for not taking much care of her children._

_She’s so stupid for letting them get close to Ladda in the first place, when she knew what Ladda could do._

_She let the lost of her husband eat her up that she didn’t think that things would lead into this._

_Into her possibly losing a child._

_She’s so fucking stupid._

_‘Hello?’_

_She went back to Earth before hearing the voice of the operator at on the other line, ‘Uhm yes, I would like to report an abduction and possible homicide. I got a tip from someone.’ She breaths out. Lying seems like the best option for her right now, there is no way in hell they would believe her when she told them how she knew, but this is all she could think of to save her son, one thing she couldn’t do to her late husband._

_‘Could you tell us where this might occur?’_

_‘The abandoned GMEM asylum.’_

* * *

_When the police and the paramedics came, everything became a blur to her. All she could think of is the sight of her son being pulled out of the water, drenched and unconscious. She fidgets, feeling the sweat forming on her forehead and on the bridge of her nose._

_She swallowed hard as the thought of her losing Gun circles her brain. She didn’t know how long she waited until she heard the words she has been waiting for._

_‘We got a pulse.’_

_She breaths out a sigh of relief, looking at the paramedics give Gun immediate care before someone behind her clears their throat._

_‘Mrs. Phunsawat?_

_‘Yes?’_

_‘I got a call from one my superiors, we caught the culprit. They wanted to know if we could ask you some questions.’_

_‘Okay, I’ll be right there.’ She nodded, she doesn’t really want to leave Gun alone but there’s no way in hell she’ll let Ladda and her people go without getting justice._

_This has to stop now._

_Before she follows the police officer, she heard one of the rescue team exclaimed, making her stop on her tracks._

_‘We got another one! This one got no pulse.’ She turns to look at the boy Gun was with the night they got abducted, poor him he has to suffer all of this._

_She watches as the paramedics try to revive him, pumping on his chest a couple times, giving it their all to try and save him._

_‘Mrs. Phunsawat?’ The officer called once again._

_‘Right.’ She nodded before following him close behind._

* * *

_'Well who would have thought that I would be the one handcuffed at the back of a police car and not an alcoholic son of a bitch like you’ Ladda smirks at her, looking unfazed as to what happened._

_She wasn’t supposed to talk to Ladda but she couldn’t resist._

_It would help her sleep at night if she knew for sure that they caught the right person. She doesn’t reply as she just stares at Ladda. How could someone look so similar with his late husband yet so different? She thought, memorizing every inch of Ladda’s face that looks exactly like the one she loves the most._

_She also wants to memorize this moment. She wants to remember how this insanity would now end but she doesn’t want to give Ladda the satisfaction of getting something from her. Not even a frown._

_When she continues to stare, Ladda felt more agitated, ‘You did this’ Ladda spats when she didn’t get a reaction that would satisfy her, she tries to pry her hands from the metal bar she was handcuffed to, but with much effort she still couldn’t._

_She nodded, looking at Laddas state, there’s nothing much to do now and there really is nothing to say, she just has to make sure that Ladda rots in Jail._

_She turned around, walking slowly back to her car, completely ignoring Ladda’s attempts to get her attention._

_There’s a lot more things she has to do now._

_A lot of people she has to go back to._

_Holes she has to fill out, ~~if given a chance.~~_

* * *

The night seems to take a liking at Gun, everything feels calm but there’s a lingering thought at the back of his head that he couldn’t seem to figure out. He looks at Jane sleeping at the sofa, she was supposed to look after him while their mom goes back home to get him some clothes but it looks like she’s the one he’s supposed to look after to.

He chuckles by himself before standing up, the impact from the accident didn’t do much to his body since he fell into water. He’s perfectly normal aside from a sore left arm, a couple bruises and the mark that was left on his wrist from being tied up for almost three days. He walks closer to Jane, pulling her blanket up to her chin.

He couldn’t help but smile at the sight of her, she looks like how she did when they were still young.

She looks free and Gun couldn’t wish for anything more.

He sighs turning around before he rolls his iv drip towards the door, then to the hallway. For some reason he couldn’t get himself to sleep, it’s like there’s something he needed to do that he couldn’t pin point.

After a couple minutes of walking, he ended up at a small area outside, where there are benches and a small garden, there’s not a single person around, maybe because it’s almost midnight and the health workers are all inside taking rounds. He could only guess as he sits down at one the empty benches.

After knowing about his mother practically saving his life, he doesn’t know what to feel. It’s not like all the resentment he got from all those years she decided to abandon them would disappear in a single night, but Gun couldn’t hide the fact that now he feels more open into new possibilities.

He can’t promise her a lovey-dovey relationship but he could see them being civil. That’s if she continues to be a good parent, even not to him, even if it’s only to Jane.

He looks up, there’s a slight possibility that it will rain seeing that there’s not a single star visible in the night sky. Maybe going out in here in a thin hospital gown and a sore body isn’t the best option right now. He sighs once again before standing up, walking back inside, but before he reaches the automatic doors, he saw something the caught his attention.

A black tulip made out of paper is lying on top of one of the benches. He looks at it for a couple of minutes before it clicked.

‘Off’

* * *

He rushes back inside looking at names at doors, searching for a particular guy that he couldn’t believe he buried at the back of his mind. If Off is still alive there’s no doubt that they are in the same hospital and if he could survive why wouldn’t there be a chance that Off does too.

He reads the names one by one, dragging the iv drip with him and ignoring the look he got from a couple of nurses and other patients that is still awake for some reason. Maybe they have someone to see just like him.

He feels his body getting tired, maybe it would have been better if he just asked for help but he doesn’t think he could talk with someone right now so he continues to search.

Hundreds of doors narrowed into a few, he could feel the walls closing in on him and his hope getting slimmer but he doesn’t want to give up, not now. He sat down at one of the plastic chairs in the hallway trying to catch his breath, his body is not that fine after all but he wouldn’t be able to go back without finding answers.

_I survived and Off survived too._

_I survived and Off survived too._

_I survived and he did too._

_He did._

_Please._

_Please tell me he did._

He keeps on repeating himself to calm his nerves, but after all of those failed attempts to find Off he couldn’t help but feel discouraged. It didn’t take long for him to feel hot tears streaming down his face.

He feels defeated, and somehow, he couldn’t think of a word to describe it. He stood up once again, searching helplessly in the hallways. The desperation in his system is much greater than the strain he’s felling from rolling the pole of the iv drip.

He searches and searches but to no avail he didn’t’ see any door with the name Off Jumpol.

He could hear himself sniffing as he just lets the tears flow down his face, making his vision blurry that he needed to stop walking for a while. He looks up to last door, feeling his knees almost giving up as he still sees that the name was not the one he was looking for.

He grips the pole tighter, preventing himself from shaking too much as he makes his way towards the nurses’ station, he decided that now is the time to ask, maybe they have a room he doesn’t know of or maybe Off was put into a different hospital.

He has to ask, he needs to at least try.

Like how he always does.

Off is unworthy of not trying.

He walks towards the end of the hallway, this time slower. He fears that he would hear the words he was dreading to hear for a couple months now. There is now urgency with his steps.

There is no urgency upon hearing bad news.

He braces himself as he took another step, what is he supposed to feel after hearing it? How would he shut his eyes in the middle of the night with it haunting him?

‘For some reason they thought my name was Ohm Pawat’ Someone said from behind him.

Gun almost snaps his neck from whipping his head to fast only to see a familiar figure, smirking down at him. He didn’t even try to stop the tears from flowing down his face as he looks at Off with a bottle of water in his hand, wearing a hospital gown like him and pulling on his own iv drip.

‘I fucking hate you’ Gun cursed, sobbing as he Off started walking closer to him.

Off didn’t say anything, instead he smiled, patting down Gun’s hair before chuckling to himself. ‘Glad to know that you’re alive, kid.’ Off stated, wiping the tears from Gun’s face with his free hand.

Gun sighs looking up at Off, snorting at how ridiculous they must have looked right now.

‘Ditto.’ He smiled, standing on his tippy toes and crossing the distance between him and taller guy, giving Off a sweet kiss on the lips, which the latter doesn’t seem to mind.

Finally, there is no countdown nor ticking clocks.

No numbers or yesterdays.

There’s only tomorrows and this is Day 1.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! The last chapter would be up later or tomorrow :)) I'm kinda sad that this is coming to an end but that's life lol.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs I suggest you listen to while you're in this chapter: Everybody loves somebody by Dean Martin and Midnight Sky by Unique :)) enjoy.

‘Mild I swear to God if you don’t shut the fuck up, I’ll chokeslam you. I don’t care if you’re only 3 ft tall.’ Arm groaned after Mild explained what is happening to the film they are watching.

‘We filmed this,’ Mild rolled her eyes, putting all her wait on the beanbag chair beneath her petite figure. ‘I’m not exactly spoiling anything, so stop being a little bitch, what is a chokeslam anyway?’

‘It’s when you do this.’ New started, snaking his arm on Tay’s neck jokingly demonstrating a “proper” chokeslam to enlighten Mild, ‘and then you slam that person on the floor.’ New widened his eyes when he heard gagging noises from Tay, releasing his grip.

‘Oh my god, are you okay?’ He asks checking up on his boyfriend. They figured that after everything that happened it’s only right to make their relationship official.

Life is too short anyway, they know that now.

‘Why would you use me as a dummy? You could have used a pillow or something.’ Tay whined, massaging his neck. He doesn’t really feel any pain he just likes teasing New.

‘Come on. I didn’t do it that hard. You liked it when we-’ New didn’t have the chance to finish his sentence when Tay chucked a pillow on his face.

‘What the fuck?’ Off asks, raising his eyebrow at Tay who just raised his hand in surrender. Tay shrugs motioning back to their film like nothing happened. It’s the appropriate time to talk about what happens between him and New on their free time.

‘I would love for you to try that by the way.’ Mild finally said looking at arm, catching everyone’s attention. ‘I would love for you to try and chokeslam me without losing all your fucking fingers, I wasn’t raised by my brothers to be a coward’ she rambles making Gun groan from his seat.

He can’t take this anymore, this has to stop.

‘We literally worked hard on this for months, months! And here you guys are talking shit about each other instead of watching it.’ He ranted, pointing at the screen before them. For a brief second the room went quiet, every single one of his friends looking at him like he grew three heads. They all turn back to the television, focusing on their own work for once.

That’s before Mild decide that she just wouldn’t stop,

‘But if Arm wasn’t just a little bitch, we would have enjoyed the movie like normal people. I’m just saying.’ She started once again, rekindling the chaos inside the room. Gun grabbed the pillow, groaning into it with Off laughing hysterically beside him.

They really won’t stop.

This is his life now.

But he’s not exactly complaining.

* * *

‘You’ll do great.’ Jane beamed, fixing his brother’s bow tie. Gun looks dashing with his suit and neatly combed hair. ‘I’m pretty sure you’ll win the title you’ve always wanted.’ She reaches out to his hair, tucking some baby hair upwards.

‘We’re not sure about that.’ He smiled back.

Their film luckily made it to the local Film Festival in their city after their professor submitted it a couple of weeks ago. They didn’t really expect to receive an email that they actually got in but they won’t miss the chance to participate either. Though, there’s a slim chance that they’ll actually win something.

But you never know, life has its own way of surprising him these days anyway.

‘Have a little faith in yourself, will yah.’ Jane winked, encouraging him once again. Gun couldn’t fathom how thankful he is to have Jane in his life, she has always been supportive and sweet and sometimes life is just a whole pain in the ass that’s why the world needs more genuine people like her. 

He didn’t have the chance to thank her when they heard the doorbell ring, ‘I guess that’s for you. I need to go back to my rathole and study now. Enjoy your night.’ She patted his shoulder, Gun smiled watching her make her way upstairs. Their house has been pretty quiet ever since their mom stopped drinking, so Jane doesn’t have to go to the library or to her friend’s house to study that often, even though sometimes she still does. Old habit.

Gun adjusted the sleeves of his suit before walking to their front door. He was about to grip the doorknob of the door when he heard someone speak behind him, he looks back to see his mom looking at him with a hopeful expression.

‘Goodluck Gun, enjoy the rest of your night.’ She said shily, looking down at the ground, not knowing where to begin with this mother and son thing.

She’s trying and Gun could see that.

That’s all that really matters, right now.

‘Right.’ Gun smiled softly, scratching the back of his neck. ‘I will.’ The doorbell rang once again, reminding him of the event he has to go to tonight.

He turned back to the door opening it to see Tay and New beaming at him. They both look so good with their formal attire and Gun couldn’t stop his mind from wandering towards the future if Tay and New happens to decide to tie the knot.

‘Let’s fucking go’ Tay exclaimed, raising his hand in the air like they won something already.

Gun chuckled, following the couple back to New’s brand new car.

* * *

‘The best screenplay goes to…’

The host of the award show announced. The place is packed with classy looking people that made them look like they just decided to go earlier today, that’s how small they look compared to others but Gun doesn’t really mind since his mind is focused on the hand gripping his tightly under the table. He looks up to see Off, wiggling his eyebrows at him. Looking as handsome as always.

It was a bitch explaining to their professor that Off deserves to join them tonight too, but after a lot of Gun’s annoying attempts and a bunch of free coffee later, he just lets them be. This is not a university wide event after all.

‘No matter what happens, you still look sexy tonight. That’s all that matters right?’ Off whispered, smirking playfully at him.

‘Shut up’ He blushed before hearing the host announced it once again.

‘The best screenplay goes to “1950: A bridge to the past!”’ The hosts exclaimed. Gun felt Off’s hands squeezing his. He doesn’t really feel disappointed for not being called since he braced himself long ago but Mild on the other hand looks like she’s about to sue someone, which she would probably try and definitely will fail. Gun laughs at her expression.

‘This is so unfair, I swear it’s rigged.’ She huffed under her breath.

‘Mild, stop making us look like sore losers and fake a smile with me’ Arm teased, elbowing Mild who looks more like someone who’s getting to fight rather than someone who just rented a beautiful cocktail dress to attend the event.

‘But Fake Protagonist is way better than that snore fest and you all know it’ She said in hushed tones, though she still thinks that it’s unfair she doesn’t want to put more unnecessary attention to them. Plus, Gun doesn’t look affected at all.

‘I admit I didn’t really like the concept of that film.’ New nodded, but still clapping his hands when the screenwriter of the film that won, went up the stage to say her speech.

Gun let go of Off’s hand to clap, he has to admit the film that won actually had a great concept. It’s about brothers finding each other after being separated when they went to war in WWII. The foundation of the script was really strong and the character development was great, Gun acknowledge great writing when he sees one. Plus, this is a film festival for all ages and the writer of 1950: A bridge to the past looks like someone in her forties, while Gun is only a college student trying to get by. He still has a lot to learn, he’s just happy he gets to experience something like this in his college life.

‘You okay?’ Off asks from besides him. Giving him a reassuring smile that Gun took comfort into.

‘Yeah. I really am.’ He smiled bumping his shoulder to Off’s before the hosts announced that it is now time to give the award for the best director.

They all held their breaths, looking at Tay who is about to shit his pants.

‘The best director award goes to,’ The hosts look down at his cue cards, ‘Tay Tawan Vihokratana of Fake Protagonist!’

‘Good fucking gracious!’ New exclaimed, all of them standing up from their feet, giving Tay a hug. Gun looks at New for a brief second, seeing that his best friend is now teary eyed. He smiled to himself, this is it. This is those little moments in life that we get to celebrate. This is those little moments of life that makes being alive worthwhile.

Gun could feel tears welling up the side of his eyes with seeing Tay walk towards the stage, everything looks like it’s in slow motion and he’s trying really hard to catch his breath. He looks up at Off who is already smiling down at him, they don’t need to speak to let each other know how happy they are for their friend. After the hype died down and they all went back to their seats, they all look up to Tay who is turning pale by the minute.

He clears his throat, tapping the mic. ‘Uhm, I don’t really know what to say in these situations and I didn’t really expect to be standing here in front of all of you tonight but first things first I want to thank our production team for putting their trust on me, making a film is not a one-man production anyway. We all have given are all, even when there are times when we have time going against us, literally.’ He chuckles to himself before looking at his friends, ‘I guess all I have to say is, thank you for giving us the opportunity to be in here and that this title is not going to be mine alone but to all of us who aspires to be someone someday. Thank you and have a nice evening everyone.’ Tay finishes, raising the award above his head before bowing to the audience and getting off the stage.

Gun looks around their table, there are Arm and Mild who welcomed Tay with tight hug, New wiping his tears away before he stands to greet Tay too, and Off who is smiling from ear to ear beside him.

What a time to be alive.

* * *

The wind brushes up Gun’s hair as he looks down at the newly engraved name on a gravestone. This is just how life goes, it gives and it gives until it’s time for it take.

**Beloved Son and Brother**

**Nanon Korapat Saeli**

**1972 – 2020**

**You are deeply loved and will be missed**

Gun looks at Off setting a white rose on top of the grave they came here to visit. They are still in their suits for going straight to the cemetery after the awards night. It feels weird to go in here and actually visit someone, not just to lay on the grass like they usually do. Even without asking he knows that deep down Off still feels guilty for not being able to come back and in some days he does too. Part of the reason as to why they’re alive right now is because Off’s uncle, Nanon, though, there’s a chance that he went back only for his nephew, Gun still feels thankful. It’s sad that he couldn’t say how thankful he is to his face anymore but he hopes that the whispers of gratitude will reach Nanon in where ever he is right now.

‘Do you think that there’s a place they go to or is this just the end?’ Off asks, running his fingers on his uncle’s name. Feeling distant memories visit him in the process.

‘I don’t particularly believe in one,’ Gun admitted crouching down next to Off and sitting on the grass besides the head stone. ‘But we won’t lose anything if we try believing, right?’

Off looks up at him, nodding his head ‘I guess so.’

‘Off, there’s nothing much we can do but be grateful that he saved us, he deserves at least that.’ Gun said softly, he doesn’t want to invalidate Off’s feelings nor does he want to be disrespectful but Off went through so much already, carrying guilt after all of that is just too much so he hopes that he could remind Off that this was never really his fault, that’s the least he could do.

‘Yeah, I know. It’ just, it’s sad you know. I sometimes couldn’t help but think of other outcomes, one that is not this.’ Off answered, referring to their situation.

‘That’s completely valid, Off it’s okay to feel certain things that we no control of but just make sure that you won’t stay there.’ That’s a lot coming from Gun when there are a lot of times, he invalidated even his own feelings, but right now he’s trying to learn how to unlearn that trait.

Off didn’t reply instead he looks at the grave besides his uncle’s.

‘I think he would be really glad if he knew that I was able persuade my parents to put him in here.’ He chuckles sadly, reading the name of the person laying on the grave.

**Chimon Saetang**

**1972 – 1988**

‘Uncle Nan, don’t blush too much.’ Off jokes patting down the bermuda grass on his uncle’s grave. Gun couldn’t help but chuckle with him.

Off really has his way of making every situation lighter for Gun. Gun sighs, looking around the place, this place has been an escape for them two weirdos for months and it’s sad to think that this would be the last time they’re going to hang out here except for occasional visit to Off’s uncle.

They decided that there really is no point to hang around since their favorite spot is now occupied, it just doesn’t feel right anymore.

Not now that they’re trying to move on from those agonizing moments. They’re memories in here is sweet but staying longer will only invite painful memories.

‘Gun?’ Off called, interrupting Gun’s sentimental thoughts.

‘Hmm?’

‘He left us this.’ Off raises something that is wrapped with somewhat crumpled manila paper. Gun furrowed his eyebrows, sitting up straight to look at what Off is holding. Off ripped the paper only to reveal two small bottles of what looked like medicine.

‘What is that?’

Off sighs, pulling out a piece of paper that is inside the small pocket of his suit, ‘I saw it in one of his drawers when we were organizing his things. It came with this letter.’

Off cleared his throat before reading the contents,

_To Off,_

_If you’re reading this you’re probably snooping around my stuff, which **stop** by the way, or in worst case scenario I’m probably not around anymore._

Off paused for a moment inhaling the crisp air before he continues.

_How did I know that you’ll find this letter? I don’t know exactly, I just know that you will. God I really hope so, but you’re smart so you’ll figure it out. I know you would._

_First, I really am sorry. Now that I’m trying to find the right words to say, that is all I could think of. **I am deeply and utterly sorry.** For just everything. I don’t want you following my steps, I did a lot of stupid shit and I don’t want you going through that too. I know that you’re better than that. I’m sorry for doing this to you, and I’m sorry for not doing anything to stop it either. **Truly, the worst form of evil is seeing some bad stuff being done and not doing anything about it.** Sadly, I lived my life like that. I lived my life like a coward, but that’s life we live and we learn and we try again. **I want you to try again Off.** Try living your life._

_I know that this might be a little bit too late, I didn’t really have the right timing to give it to you without them knowing. I hope you use this well, along with this letter is two bottles of a serum I took years to make, I want you to think about this, about your gift, this would be an open door for you to just take a step into brand new possibilities. Think about it Off._

_P.S I’m giving you these two just in case your clumsy hands takes over._

_\- Nan_

Off looks at Gun who is looking intently at the bottles in his hands.

‘Off is that-’

‘For once the choice is ours.’

* * *

‘Off I just keep on seeing numbers’ Gun whines, staring at the numbers that is getting jumble in his mind.

‘That’s the point of this’ Off groans, rolling his eyes, though, Gun wouldn’t be able to see it when he’s on the other line.

‘Damn I really am lost right now.’ Gun looks down on the map in his phone, that Off manipulated to make it look more complicated. Now all he could see are numbers.

‘Isn’t this your dream?’

‘Yes, but you just made it more complicated.’ Gun looks around him, there is nothing in sight that is familiar with him. The structures and the people look different, they speak a language that he couldn’t understand fully.

It’s a mistake telling Off about this dream of his, he just thought that maybe after a couple of years, Off would have forgotten but he didn’t and now Gun has to face the consequences of having a blabbering mouth when he was still in college.

‘Off I swear to God.’

‘Gun you’ve only been doing this for fifteen minutes, you can’t give up now.’

‘What if I got lost completely and you can’t find me anymore?’ He pouts though he just looked silly since Off couldn’t see him. This is a weak attempt into persuading Off to fetch him and he knows it but he still gave it a shot.

Only to be turned down not even a minute after.

‘You won’t. Now, ask for directions.’ Off hangs up, making Gun groan and stomp his feet.

This is not how he pictured, Italy. He didn’t imagine having an annoying boyfriend pestering him to play this game. He looks down at his phone, trying to figure out the map Off ruined. He looks around him to see if he’s near an establishment with the name _Luminaries of Coffee._ But unfortunately, he could only see buildings that resemble nothing like the one in the picture in his phone.

He tried reading the names of building but nothing is named like the one he was searching for; this scenario is awfully familiar. He remembers that day when he thought he lost Off and he keeps on searching for his name on door of random patients, but today is different. There’s not much fear in his heart, annoyance maybe, but fear no.

He walks a little longer, noticing that a lot of people are now leisurely walking along the streets of Italy, this is exactly how he pictured it. Nameless people bumping into each other, walking carelessly on streets that is built long ago. He smiled, inhaling new air, completely forgetting of his annoyance awhile ago.

This is nice.

If this were years ago, he would have avoided a crowded street just like this. But today really is different. He doesn’t see any numbers anymore.

He’s free.

He hugs his figure tighter when a breeze passes by him. Italy is not that cold in a normal basis but they just happen to visit on the coldest days. When he feels his feet getting tired, he decided to give up and ask someone about the directions. He scans the place, looking for a friendly face to ask. When he saw someone decent, he held his breath and approach her.

‘Excuse me?’ He asks shily, thankfully the girl looks harmless as she smiles back to him.

‘Yes?’ She asks with a thick accent.

‘Do you happen to know where this place is?’ He pointed on down on his phone.

‘Oh yes, it’s right by,’ she pauses for a moment looking around before she spots where it is, she pointed at a street across from where they are. ‘there, just go straight and you’ll see a library. Next to that is that café’ She smiles. Gun beams, bowing to thank her before he walks to the direction she pointed.

That felt good.

It’s something new and it made him feel good. Now he’s not as annoyed at Off and his silly games as much as he did earlier. He arrived at the place not too long after, he looks up to confirm if this was indeed the place before he opens the door and walk in.

The place welcomed him with a strong scent of coffee and crowded tables, he looks around before he spots the one he was looking for sitting down in a table at the right corner of the place, Off doesn’t need to turn around for Gun to know that it’s him.

For a café, this one blasted music too loud than ordinary but it doesn’t really bother Gun since the song is quite nice. It’s one of the old songs he likes.

**_Everybody loves somebody by Dean Martin._ **

_Everybody loves somebody sometime_

Gun hums along the song as he makes his way towards Off who is still oblivious of his presence.

_Everybody falls in love somehow_

_Something in your kiss just told me_

**_That sometime is now_ **

He covered Off’s eyes when he got close enough to touch him, making the latter laugh.

‘Hmm let me guess, is this Gun Atthaphan Phunsawat, Thailand’s best screenwriter slash director?’ Off stated, with an over dramatic tone. He’s still not done with teasing Gun with the titles he bagged from last year’s Bangkok International Film Festival.

‘Oh, and is this Off Jumpol Adulkittiporn, the neatest editor of the film that will win best pictures this year?’ Gun fired back, using the same dramatic tone of his boyfriend. He sat down in front of Off who is smirking at him.

‘I thought it would take you a day to find this place, good thing you only took half an hour.’ Off sighs but he can’t stop the smile forming on his face when he sees Gun swaying with the music.

_Everybody finds somebody someplace_

_There's no telling where love may appear_

_Something in my heart keeps saying_

**_My someplace is here._ **

‘I love you.’ He smiles, reaching out for Gun’s hand over the table and squeezing it.

‘Why so sudden?’ Gun raises his eyebrow but he adjusted his hand so that Off could hold it even better.

‘I don’t know I just do.’ The moment they are sharing with each other was suddenly disrupted by a waitress, serving them their drinks.

‘One black ivory coffee and one hot cocoa for you two.’ She said with a smile.

Gun smiled, feeling the blush creeping in his face. ‘You know me so well.’

‘Of course,’ Off shrugs, looking at him like it’s not a big deal since he has been ordering food and drinks for Gun since college.

‘Off?’

‘Hmm?’ Off looks up to see a pair of eyes looking at him fondly.

‘Ditto.’

\- FIN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I guess it's a wrap for this one too. Thank you for those who keeps on reading and to those who left wonderful comments, It really gave me the push to finish this. I know that this story lacks in some aspects, and thank you for enduring those also. :)) Lastly, this might not be the ending that everyone expected because for some reasons y'all thought I was satan or sumn hehe, I apologize if the ending wasn't the one you guys were thinking of but I had this ending in mind since I started this. I'm a sucker for happy endings :)). Anyway, I'll probably focus on my other fic, A place not deliberate, now that this is over but that's after I take a break :)) I think that's it :) We live and we learn and we try again. — Beck


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